I've been working on defining the difference between expressing my feelings and dumping criticism and aggravation on someone. Mostly, this happens in exchanges with my husband. Often I believe I am expressing my emotions (something I've read over and over is a healthy thing) and he feels like I am attacking him. I have not mastered [...]
Highly Sensitive, Anxious or Avoidant? What You Need to Know to Make Relationships Last GalleryAnxiety and Depression, Emotions and Energy, Introverts and Highly Sensitive People, Personal Coaching, Personal Evolution, Relationships
What has happened since childhood, infancy even, is that a protective shield or pattern was subconsciously created to minimize the pain of feeling alone or of not being seen by a caregiver or partner.
One of the most useful things I've learned over the last few years is that it is better to aim for understanding versus winning when it comes to disagreements with the ones we love. For many years — including those competing with my sister for attention and respect and those competing with my ex-husband for most [...]
Some of us have been primed for high reactivity. Our early caregivers or past relationships did not provide consistent comforting and nurturing, so our nervous systems developed a sensitivity to possible abandonment. We tend to react strongly if we feel at all threatened. Sometimes these strong reactions lead to self-fulfilling prophesies. The more we react, the [...]
Does Your Partner Accept Your Influence? The Importance of Sharing Decision-Making in a Relationship
I recently figured out one of the striking blows that destroyed my marriage. During the last five years of our marriage, I did not feel like my words or actions were given any credence in conversations, problem-solving or decision-making. My husband did not accept my influence. I hope by casting light on this common issue, someone [...]
Tina Fey eye roll I learned about the direness of contempt years ago when my marriage was ending and I happened to read Malcolm Gladwell's noted book, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. In the book, Gladwell speaks with Dr. John Gottman — marriage expert and scientist. Based on years of studying married [...]