Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash People with an avoidant attachment style grew up with caregivers who devalued or avoided emotional and physical closeness. Dependency was denied, leaving the child to figure out ways to self-soothe and regulate their own emotions. When the child reached out for closeness, they were met with disappointment or [...]
Photo by Daniel Chekalov on Unsplash "When parents let their teen believe they are too special to do ordinary work, they raise "handicapped royalty" — young people who study brilliantly and are full of conviction but don't know how clothes get clean or how to read a credit card bill." — Dr. Wendy Mogel, [...]
Tina Fey eye roll I learned about the direness of contempt years ago when my marriage was ending and I happened to read Malcolm Gladwell's noted book, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. In the book, Gladwell speaks with Dr. John Gottman — marriage expert and scientist. Based on years of studying married [...]
Photo by Dominik Vanyi on Unsplash Our basic attachment styles form during childhood. I've written about attachment styles in several articles on brendaknowles.com's blog, space2live, but I'll summarize the different styles to refresh your memory. The most ideal style is secure. A secure attachment arises when we know we can count on our primary [...]
Photo by Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash What does it take for us to feel cherished? Before our divorce, I used to tell my ex-husband I wanted to feel cherished. I believed it meant being seen and loved as myself — not for taking care of the house, not for feeding the kids or for [...]
Photo via Unsplash and Christin Hume Who calms your nervous system? Who reads your emotions and internal state well? Besides giving you a feeling of reassurance and support, these people receive a mental reward themselves for confidently interpreting your intentions and emotions. These rewards make you more attractive to the other person. A development [...]
