Wow! I can’t believe we are at the end of 2018. I like to look back at the top posts — determined by highest average number of views — on brendaknowles.com for the year. It is a nice way for me to see what I learned in the last 12 months and what you, the reader, found most interesting.
Here are the top posts and a brief summary of each, in order of popularity:
“People with an avoidant attachment style grew up with caregivers who devalued or avoided emotional and physical closeness. Dependency was denied, leaving the child to figure out ways to self-soothe and regulate their own emotions.” As adults, this habit of self-soothing and fear of rejection, cause many of us to withdraw from our partners. This degrades the security of the relationship. This post offers ways to increase closeness and security in our relationships.
2. How We Move from Insecure to Secure Relationships: 3 Stages.
“At first, a person with a past of traumatic attachment chooses someone as a partner who reinforces their negative beliefs about themselves.” We gravitate to what is familiar. This is a subconscious act. As we mature and become more conscious we choose partners who make us feel safe and thus make it easier for us to open up to them and offer reassurance as well. This post walks through the three stages and offers help in determining how secure your relationship is.
3. The Biggest Wound of Relationships and How to Avoid It.
“Each little choice to not be present or attentive feels like a mini-rejection to our nervous systems. We implicitly feel disconnected. Intellectually, we tell ourselves, He’s busy minding the kids or She’s got a deadline at work or He’s really tired, but our primitive brain does not care how great our intellect is or how rational we are.” Want to avoid a nuclear meltdown in your relationship? Check out this post. It offers ways to maintain stability that you can do independently and with your partner.
4. Feeling Unseen: This Is What Cherished Feels Like.
“In many ways we treat our spouses like parents treat children. We don’t have the time and energy to consistently enchant or be enchanted. We we see our partners every day so it is difficult to create fresh curiosity for each other.” Feeling cherished by someone fortifies us against the times we have to endure difficult situations and emotions. This post reminds us what it feels like to have someone enchanted with us.
5. Why We Act Introverted: It’s Not Just Our Nature.
“…according to studies, we inherit only about half of our introverted traits. What else makes us retreat to the safety of our own company? What else causes us to create distance between ourselves and the ones we love?” In this post you’ll learn both the inborn and social reasons for introverted behavior. This is a good post to share with a loved one who does not understand your need for quiet time or solitude.
Two other posts I personally recommend just because I experienced aha! moments while researching and writing them, are:
How Safety and Physiology Affect Our Socializing
and
Does Your Partner Accept Your Influence? The Importance of Sharing Decision-Making In a Relationship
May you find some comforting, helpful and insightful information in the above posts. I did! 😉 I look forward to sharing more stories and information with you in 2019! It’s going to be an incredible year.
Please tell me if any of my writing made a significant impact on you in 2018. If so, what and why? Also, I’d love to hear what you think I need to include more of in 2019.
Stay tuned for more info regarding the online courses I’m creating to be released in January and February 2019.
Happy New Year! Sending much warmth and love,
Brenda
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