I am not sure what to blame my creative slump on: Covid 19 or ten years of writing for brendaknowles.com. All I want to do is collect new experiences and information and rest. I do not want to organize anything or put it in writing.
Covid 19’s slow drain on energy
I know I am not alone in this quiet time. Other favorite writers of mine claim to be going dormant too. Perhaps it is Covid 19 and its consistent pervasive uncertainty. How much energy am I using to manage my home and its revolving door of inhabitants? How much energy does it take to keep pivoting and stay flexible at home and at work? There is definitely a slow but constant leak of my willpower and patience. It seems more and more I feel like I deserve a break by the time five o’clock rolls around. I’ve been a good person/mother/citizen/employee/wife. I adjusted to myriad of changes and did not complain (much). I deserve to just relax on the couch, right? Writing seems like another task to squeeze in.
Ten years!
On February 16th, I will celebrate ten years of blogging on space2live/brendaknowles.com. Ten years! This milestone gives me pause. Do I want to keep writing and posting every week? Yes and no. Yes, I love connecting and helping those who read my work. The writing process serves as therapy for me as well. It helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings.
No, it would be nice to do something else with that writing time. More coaching? Back to school for a master’s degree? There are still over 500 posts on brendaknowles.com that allow people to connect with me. Maybe it is time to re-invent myself like Madonna or Rob Lowe? I am open to suggestions for the next stage of my career.
Fallow time is just part of nature
There is the possibility that all I need is time to lie fallow and allow ideas to germinate under my quiet soil. This period may be nature’s way of saying slow down and gather nutrients and ideas. That sounds good, but to what end? Once I’ve collected and rested, what next?
The hands on nature of my special education job brings me joy and meaning. Writing still gives me pleasure but it definitely feels more removed. I feel better when I am actively pursuing a goal. I currently do not have a writing goal. Perhaps someday another book, but for now, I am OK with writer’s block.
Empty nest experience
My middle son recently left for college. His big brother returned to college on the same day. The house feels different. I miss my sons and I wonder what to do with myself. In May of 2019, we had five children under our roof. Now we are down to two. My wings slowly begin to spread. I’ve been in the nest with the young ones for a long time. Freedom invites me to fly.
Expanding or stifling?
I read recently that it is important to ask ourselves this question when making a big decision: “Does this situation/opportunity expand me or diminish me?” I am tempted to say writing always expands me, but is there something that could expand me more? I think so. I think more direct service to the world expands me. I’ve served my family (and will continue to) and now I want to serve the community.
I look forward to it.
How has your creativity thrived or suffered under Covid 19? Are you expanding or diminishing?
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
Thank you Brenda for sharing your insights and life experience. I didn’t know you were writing a blog for 10 years. That is a long time. Doing all that while managing a growing family is not an easy task. Covid pandemic does put extra stress and anxiety on everyone. The latest data said the trajectory of death is hard to turn back and we will see 600,000 fatalities over the next three months. I worked in the frontline and there are Wards full of patients with Covid. In the ER the suspected patients are separated and even the patients who have no respiratory symptoms with belly ache sometimes have Covid as their presenting. Because of Covid all my conferences have been cancelled or become virtual. I had to get away to relax. I needed to go to a warm place to unwind. So I booked a flight to go to Ft. Lauderdale and relax there. This airline started filling the middle seat on Jan 1st,2021. When I sat down the lady next to me jump up and said to me “I got to leave”. I stood up and the guy next to me also stood up. When she got up she looked back and realized the plane was full. I finally decided to settle further back between two guys. I knew panic attack symptoms and I thought for sure she was experiencing that. In the baggage claim section she came over to apologize. I told her it was ok.. she said to me she felt really bad .. and “she was behaving like an idiot”. Feeling exhausted is normal with this pandemic. I feel that way after 6 weeks of my work. With Covid it is hard to get away. Family gatherings could risky. I felt brave after taking my first Vaccine shot and putting on my N95 mask to take the flight. My therapy in Ft. Lauderdale was getting up early morning to see the sun breaking thru the clouds and running the 3 miles stretch of Ft. Lauderdale beach with my favorite music playing in my ears. It was my best therapy. All the tension, stress went away. My creativity improves as I try to write about my daily vacation blog. To my surprise a lot of people followed me on my vacation around the world.
Owen your Florida get away sounds perfect! I have been craving the beach and water. I am glad it refreshed you and stoked your creativity. I think I need that break too. I really appreciate you sharing your stories. Best of luck with your writing and relaxing!