I am not sure what to blame my creative slump on: Covid 19 or ten years of writing for brendaknowles.com. All I want to do is collect new experiences and information and rest. I do not want to organize anything or put it in writing.
Covid 19’s slow drain on energy
I know I am not alone in this quiet time. Other favorite writers of mine claim to be going dormant too. Perhaps it is Covid 19 and its consistent pervasive uncertainty. How much energy am I using to manage my home and its revolving door of inhabitants? How much energy does it take to keep pivoting and stay flexible at home and at work? There is definitely a slow but constant leak of my willpower and patience. It seems more and more I feel like I deserve a break by the time five o’clock rolls around. I’ve been a good person/mother/citizen/employee/wife. I adjusted to myriad of changes and did not complain (much). I deserve to just relax on the couch, right? Writing seems like another task to squeeze in.
On February 16th, I will celebrate ten years of blogging on space2live/brendaknowles.com. Ten years! This milestone gives me pause. Do I want to keep writing and posting every week? Yes and no. Yes, I love connecting and helping those who read my work. The writing process serves as therapy for me as well. It helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings.
No, it would be nice to do something else with that writing time. More coaching? Back to school for a master’s degree? There are still over 500 posts on brendaknowles.com that allow people to connect with me. Maybe it is time to re-invent myself like Madonna or Rob Lowe? I am open to suggestions for the next stage of my career.
Fallow time is just part of nature
There is the possibility that all I need is time to lie fallow and allow ideas to germinate under my quiet soil. This period may be nature’s way of saying slow down and gather nutrients and ideas. That sounds good, but to what end? Once I’ve collected and rested, what next?
The hands on nature of my special education job brings me joy and meaning. Writing still gives me pleasure but it definitely feels more removed. I feel better when I am actively pursuing a goal. I currently do not have a writing goal. Perhaps someday another book, but for now, I am OK with writer’s block.
Empty nest experience
My middle son recently left for college. His big brother returned to college on the same day. The house feels different. I miss my sons and I wonder what to do with myself. In May of 2019, we had five children under our roof. Now we are down to two. My wings slowly begin to spread. I’ve been in the nest with the young ones for a long time. Freedom invites me to fly.
Expanding or stifling?
I read recently that it is important to ask ourselves this question when making a big decision: “Does this situation/opportunity expand me or diminish me?” I am tempted to say writing always expands me, but is there something that could expand me more? I think so. I think more direct service to the world expands me. I’ve served my family (and will continue to) and now I want to serve the community.
I look forward to it.
How has your creativity thrived or suffered under Covid 19? Are you expanding or diminishing?