I’m going to kick it old school this week. I’m going to write strictly from my mind and heart. No looking up new research to support my words. I’m going to write about what I know and feel right now.
I’ve got music on — The Chainsmokers and other groups on Spotify’s ‘Chill’ playlist — and I’m letting my mind wander.
What are some of the themes or coincidences I’ve noticed this week? John Denver, technical difficulties and security.
John Denver and aliens
There’s a new alien movie coming out. The trailer for it starts with John Denver singing “Take Me Home, Country Roads”. As a longtime fan of John Denver, the sound of his voice coming from the television caught my attention. It was a jarring juxtaposition to hear/see his golden voice connected with a sci-fi alien movie. I think of John as being a pure, sunshine-laden, Rocky Mountain high, country boy. I link John with my dad because he used to play his music when we were kids. I also have a fun splash memory of my boyfriend getting excited when a John Denver song came on at a bar. Since the alien movie incident a few days ago, JD has come up two different times while listening to randomly selected playlists — once while I was running outside on a sunny morning. I could feel John’s warmth on my shoulders.
Now onto something not so warm and lovely … technology snags. The wi-fi at my house became less and less reliable. My kids could not use it unless they were sitting in the same room as the router. It would drop off now and then — usually when one of the kids had a major research project due. Since good home tech people are expensive and as hard to find as lucid presidential tweets, I decided to install the new router myself. I was damn proud when I got it installed and the internet blazed to life. All was going well until I tested the wireless printer. No go. The wireless light on my HP all-in-one printer just blinked at me begging for connection. I learned a few new acronyms and terms in the networking vernacular, like WPS button, IP address and WPA passphrase, but I was not fluent enough to get it to print wirelessly. The network and printer are still not talking to each other despite my desperate efforts to coach the two to effectively communicate.
I spent around four hours trying to get it to work. Incomplete missions like this, where things are left broken, pile up in my mind and keep it from resting fully. The shackles of home ownership. Reminds me of last week’s post about two lethal nervous system cues: isolation and restraint. Sometimes I feel held back (restrained from peace and all out joy) by the unsolved and impaired things at my house. I look around and see endless jobs to attend to. I shouldn’t sit and read, goof off, watch TV, etc. until the tasks are complete. They keep my nervous system slightly agitated and on high alert. Sigh, one day at a time.
Thanks for the security
Despite the home repairs, I’ve had a sense of calm lately. I feel secure. Security has been a theme lately. Besides making sure our home network was secure after installing the new router, I’ve been thinking about what makes me feel secure. Right now it is a new found trust. Not the kind of trust that assures someone won’t cheat on me or tell all my secrets. The kind that assures they will be there when I expect them. The kind that allows me to babble on about John Denver and technology without fear of being shut down or criticized. The kind of trust where I know the other person is my teammate and will defend and/or brag about me when appropriate. Security is trusting I will have a good time with someone no matter what we do. It’s a safety trust that assures I can let down my guard and let my real soft self out. Letting my soft vulnerable self out is a risk, but taking risks and not dying, builds security.
So there’s a connection between risk and security, which seems odd. Kind of like John Denver singing on an alien movie trailer.
What would your heart and mind have to say right now? What makes you feel secure? Do you have a John Denver story or connection?