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During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
your depth of understanding, and talent at sharing it amaze me. Speechless… and for your sharing of it.. Thank you… deeply. *sigh, its like coming back into my body through acceptance….. Sherrie on space2live
THANK YOU….. you just summed up my swirling thoughts into something i can read with out everything else in my head meshing with it. I finally feel like i can explain what happens within without getting distracted. I’m an Introvert with ADD and it makes it so hard to explain quite what im feeling sometimes. — M.G. on space2live
This is me. This is me from the day I was born. For so long I felt misunderstood and rejected, even by the people closest to me, because they could never understand my need for solitude, and I had no idea how to explain it to them. Even now that I know more about Introversion and have a more informed understanding of my hard-wired need for solitude, it’s still very difficult sometimes to help my loved ones understand this profound craving for time and space all to myself. This is one of the best…
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
Your words are my lifeline.  I sit down to your posts and as I read I can feel my acceptance of myself and my needs grow.  Your words validate my feelings about my life, motherhood, relationships and it is something I hold onto.  And during the times when I feel like I am not able to be a mother or a wife or a sister or a friend or whatever someone needs me to be, I go back to your words and find some peace…I send your posts to my husband when I need him to understand that I love him but I need …
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…

“I was struggling with my daughter (16 at the time) and our constant fighting. You said something to me that changed my life! You were speaking about your own situation and you said to me “my child could not handle my emotions”. This was a HUGE “lightbulb moment” for me and it forever changed the way I dealt with my emotions when I was around my daughter!

I am happy to say that things have never been better between my soon to be 18 year old daughter and myself! I honestly never thought we would…

Mom M

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How To Be Lively, Energetic and Vibrant When Your True Nature Is Thoughtful, Introverted and Reticent

While looking up synonyms for energyI discovered what I have desired my whole life…


Vibrancy, spirit, liveliness.

People with vitality are magnetic, exuberant and passionate.  They have oomph, moxie and verve.  They are leaders. They are adventurous. They can do anything.

Unless you are a member of my inner circle or tossed back a few with me in my 20s, then you most likely would not picture me when pondering the words vivacious, exuberant, or bubbly. I tend to hang back and listen in a group.  I am not quick on my feet with witty rapport.  I digest information and report back later. I don’t bop up and down with bursting enthusiasm (much). I love adventure but am dedicated to responsibilities. I’m happy reading a book for hours. I’ll feel every note of a song but would feel absolutely naked and nervous on stage as a musician. I have many friends but often feel sheepish about my inability to keep up with effusive emails and frequent texts.

In short, I am an introvert.  I genuinely like myself.

But I still wish to be more lively, vibrant and full of energy.

How to do that?

I’ve been doing research (consciously and subconsciously) on this question for years.  I have found  six ways to create extroverted energy, enthusiasm and even effusiveness.

6 Paths to Vibrancy and Big Energy

1. Fitness: I see all of you rolling your eyes. No lectures, just personal experience here.

Hours on the treadmill dogging it are not going to make you sparkle, but challenging yourself and surviving are. I was fortunate enough to have my @ss kicked by a personal trainer for over a year. He pushed me. I fatigued, wanted to throw up and darn near peed my pants during some of our sessions. But I got stronger. Developed agility. Gained confidence in my body.

My trainer also talked me into running (which I never dreamed I could do).  I am more Clydesdale than graceful deer but I love the zone I enter when running. Ideas and daydreams bubble up as my feet pound the ground.  For introverts I highly recommend personal training (one on one or small groups for maximum comfort levels) and running (can be a solitary or group pursuit and truly revs up the creative juices).

I actually look forward to working out because I know the glow I will have afterward.  I know my fitness allows me to  move quickly and easily with kinetic energy. I feel alive, lively even.

2. Diet: You are what you eat, right?  Do you want to be a lifeless pile of mashed potatoes or a lean springy string bean?  We all have our feelings and attachments to food.  I love Cool-Whip and big wavy noodles (not together).

Five years ago I picked up a book called The Good Mood Diet.  It changed the way I eat.  I

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learned that food affects mood and energy levels.  I now consume food in combinations that will prolong my energy and make me pleasant to be around.  For example, if I desire to eat a heap of wavy noodles (and who doesn’t?), I  know to cut the carbohydrates with protein, so I  throw in some chicken or  a scrambled egg. Big tip: eggs and fish are brain food. Consume them and feed all the happy places in your grey matter. Eat a bag of jelly beans and become inert and crabby an hour later.  The exact opposite of bubbly and effervescent.

3. See Value in Your Traits: Stop beating yourself up about what you are not or what you can’t handle.  Focus on where you shine.  Growing up I often felt like I was less than enough because I wasn’t as confident and popular as my sister.  I wasn’t as magnetic as my father. No one showed me the value in my strong listening and observation skills.  No one gave me an award for intuition or a rich inner life.  Honestly, I didn’t even really appreciate my intuition and imagination because I thought everyone possessed the same, if not more, depth.

A weight was lifted from my shoulders when I realized 25 – 50% of the population are like me.  They gain energy from within.  I have the deepest gratitude for Marti Olsen Laney and her book The Introvert Advantage and for Susan Cain and her recent bestseller, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.  They make it clear that an independent nature is valuable and that a few deeply fostered relationships are worth as much as hundreds of acquaintances.  Most of all I learned I am not alone in the introspective universe.  I can connect with other inwardly focused individuals. I can be useful to those who need help filtering or making space in their life to find meaning.

Once you see the value in your temperament, the world is your oyster.  That is crazy exciting!  Excitement is grand energy.

4. Work You Love: Ever notice how you skip down the office corridor or stay up until the wee hours of the morning when you immerse yourself in a project that lights up your whole being?

We can and do act out of character in the service of  ‘core personal projects.’

~ Susan Cain

I know you are probably sick to death of everyone touting the, Do what you love! mantra. Easier said than done.  Time is a factor.  Money is another.  Maybe you don’t know yourself well enough to know what fuels your soul.  All valid arguments.  But I’d like to go on record saying that you cannot afford NOT to invest in a dream or passion.

4 key elements to finding and tasting bliss – Pay attention. Reflect. Evolve. Take action.

Pay attention to what makes your heart leap and time melt as well as what makes your stomach tighten or your shoulders tense.  Reflect on what gave you great amusement in the past. What memories make your face soften and your eyes twinkle?  Use your (budding) self-awareness to grow.  To conquer fears and learn from mistakes.  Lastly, move forward. Change is quick but fighting change is a LONG slow process. According to Jonathon Fields of Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance, there is no sideways in life.  Sideways eventually leads to being behind.

Space2live is all about creating time and self-awareness so that you can experience moving, ballistic, joy. Amazing vibrance comes with that.

5. Surround Yourself with Spirited People: This does not mean that all your friends can do backflips or play ten minute guitar solos on stage.  This means orbit around folks with inner lights.  The ones who get all geeked about their latest discovery.  The ones who know themselves and feel comfortable in their own rumpled jeans.  These people are better than caffeine.  They don’t have to have the same temperament as you either.  Mix it up – introverts, extroverts, ambiverts = all good.  Hint: Look in places where you feel at home.

Truly life-enhancing companions will draw out your gifts as they practice their own.

My bet is that once you find this kind of tribe you will want to chatter away.  You’ll have to hold yourself back so you don’t monopolize the floor. You’ll be effusive and bubbly all over the place.

6. Music: A short note about the power of music.  Introverts seem to be extra sensitive to art and music. Although, performing musically might rattle me, listening to it is nirvana.  It never fails to lift my mood.  Marianne Williamson once said that musicians are like priests as they put everyone in the room on the same heartbeat.  Scientifically, it has been proven that levels of dopamine increase when people listen to music they enjoy.  A real rush. Who hasn’t went a little bonkers at a concert?

Music can motivate you during a workout. Health clubs have figured out members burn more calories during cardio classes when there is a real drummer playing during the workout.  Music is a trigger for more energy. More vitality.

Although I have desired more vitality my whole life, I can truthfully say that I have never felt more energy-filled than I do now.  I have employed the above elements.  I don’t bounce off the walls (most days) but I do have a consistent source of warm, vibrant energy to draw from. I can lead.  I make my own adventures and I feel like I can do anything.

What gives you a burst of liveliness?  When was the last time you were effervescent?  What would you do with boundless energy?
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  12. BB April 22, 2014 at 2:29 pm - Reply

    I think I fall in between the spectrum-ambivert, I can be around people to an extent, like I love workout classes, and workout stuff, the library, swimming, but I also like running and working out by myself, and writing, it’s weird, because I’d like to be a lifeguard, personal trainer, and workout instructor because I love exercising, and want to teach aquatic exercise, spinning, and dance or martial arts, possibly be a health or nutrition coach. I think some stuff is so boring, it’s mind numbing, but I also like being by myself. I also love dogs, and walking them too, and I’ve looked into modeling, but don’t want to be exploited but would do it t get some experience, and to have some connections to do the health and fitness stuff.

    • Brenda Knowles April 24, 2014 at 12:05 pm - Reply

      I know several introverts who are in the fitness field. They enjoy teaching classes and being personal trainers. They get to work with people then retreat to their own space. Personal trainers get one on one time with clients. I think that would be very rewarding and enjoyable for introverts/ambiverts. Follow your energy! Go where you are excited and effective.:)

  13. […] How To Be Lively, Energetic and Vibrant When Your True Nature Is Thoughtful, Introverted and Reticen… […]

  14. Joe Keleher November 16, 2013 at 9:19 am - Reply

    You’ve shared some valuable thoughts and sources.

    Thanks! As a male introvert, I find the challenge of living in an extrovert society especially exhausting. The unspoken message seems to be one of “Real men aren’t introverts”. I’m hopeful change will come.

    • Brenda Knowles November 17, 2013 at 2:41 pm - Reply

      I do think there is a quiet movement underway to change the prevailing image of the introvert. More and more people are learning the value of an introspective temperament. We have a lot to offer an overstressed, over-stimulated society. We already have the skills to selectively socialize and slow down.

      My latest post (Men, Gentleness and Physical Touch…) mentions the beauty of the sensitive and tender male. I believe more men are standing up and openly embracing thoughtfulness and introspection. I know we introverted women appreciate our male counterparts. We are all evolving. Awareness about introversion and sensitivity is part of the evolution.

      Thanks for your thoughtful comment. You are absolutely a ‘real man’.:)

    • Brittany December 31, 2013 at 8:47 am - Reply

      I’ve begun reading articles from The Good Men Project. As a woman who is highly turned off by aggressive, showy, or dominant men, I appreciate that they take a different perspective on masculinity, one that allows men to be quiet, thoughtful, emotional, gentle–in short, they allow men to be PEOPLE. You might enjoy some of their articles at

      • Brenda Knowles January 1, 2014 at 2:04 pm - Reply

        I love the Good Men Project! One of the good men in my life introduced me to it.;) I agree TGMP allows men to be fully human. I love the MAN part of men but I also love it when they let their softer side show. I would love to write for TGMP. Thanks for reminding me of its awesomeness.

  15. […] How To Be Lively, Energetic and Vibrant When Your True Nature Is Thoughtful, Introverted and Retice… (space2live) […]

  16. Laura November 3, 2013 at 4:57 pm - Reply

    Oh wow – I too start my day with a small bowl of Kashi cereal ( I had heard that Kashi and Vector were the only protein containing cereals), berries, flax meal and seeds and 1% milk. The sad part of your good breakfast food information is that I will have to change what I thought was a good breakfast choice, but the fun part is knowing that yet again I am so connected to you ( I ate the same breakfast every day lol lol ) and so now I feel that for sure my guardian angel has directed me to your blog. I do not follow any other blogs or social media sites – so it’s not a habit to read and respond, just can’t help myself with you Brenna! Your writings are blessings in my life, thanks again

    • Brenda Knowles November 3, 2013 at 7:42 pm - Reply

      We are kindred spirits!! It is hard to give up that Kashi habit but I’m doing it! So far I do feel better, which makes it easier to continue. My nutritionist also said to stay away from too much soy. She said it mimics estrogen and can cause unwanted cell growth in females (i.e. cancer). All the protein in Kashi comes from soy. I’m not 100% sure I’m on board about the soy banning but it’s a nugget of info I’ll tuck away. I’m so glad you get good vibes from my writing. Makes me HAPPY!!

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  19. Lucy June 16, 2013 at 4:05 pm - Reply

    A very interesting and inspiring post, thanks for that! 😀 For fitness, something else which I find very fun and rewarding is dancing…even dancing along with the Wii Game “Just Dance” or learning short moves on YouTube helps; I find that it allows me to learn new moves in the comfort of my home and the fact that I can do this alone with no one watching or judging is also a big + as it encourages me to use my full potential and get sweaty which I suppose is good because it means I have had a good workout.

    • brennagee June 17, 2013 at 9:03 am - Reply

      I love to dance!! You are so right. It is freeing and a good way to get some calories burned. I love anything that involves music, so easy to get lost in it. Moving your body while music tickles your mind – heavenly. Thanks for reminding me.:)

  20. […] How To Be Lively, Energetic and Vibrant When Your True Nature Is Thoughtful, Introverted and Reticen… (space2live) […]

  21. Androgoth March 20, 2012 at 5:02 pm - Reply

    You feel as though you could do anything my friend,
    and in truth with confidence and a strength of knowing
    your own abilities towards life you certainly can do all
    that you have ever wished and more…

    Have a very nice rest of evening my friend…


    • brennagee March 21, 2012 at 11:43 am - Reply

      Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes my strength feels wimpy or altogether absent but then another day begins and I find the energy to keep going. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  22. brennagee February 19, 2012 at 3:43 pm - Reply

    So kind of you.:) Thank you, thank you.:)

  23. JKS February 19, 2012 at 1:11 pm - Reply

    I nominated you for a Leibster blog award, because I love your writing. Feel free to accept or not, just know that you are loved!

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