Lightly Child, Lightly
It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them…So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. ~ Aldous Huxley, Island
(Above passage discovered in David Kanigan’s beautiful blog Lead. Learn. Live.)
I have the hardest time going lightly. I’m damn sensitive. I absorb every comment, look and gesture. Criticism is felt deeply, so is praise. I can’t turn it off. My friend tells me I analyze too much but I secretly know I love to analyze and it is natural and involuntary for me. When you intensely process life you do not go lightly.
Want Light but Feel Heavy
Feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. I work on this every day.
For a while I didn’t feel so light. There was a slightly sad feeling living beneath my smile. The feeling passed but for a while the quicksand was present and pulling.
Like a water bug I rested or moved on surface tension. If I allowed myself to feel too deeply the tension broke and part of me slipped below, down where emotions and worry threatened to overcome me. I moved forward with lightness so I wouldn’t fall into darkness.
Go Lightly in Matters That Scare You
I want financial independence. For over 13 years I relied solely on my ex-husband’s income. In order to get away from dependency I’ve left my comfort zone in the dust. I put together a resumé with scraps of work experience I gathered over the last 13 years. I’m spearheading my job search and praying to find a career that not only is flexible and gives me an income but also allows me to feel competent and at least somewhat fulfilled. The competent part is what trips me up. It’s hard to go lightly when your heart is pounding and you are feeling uneasy about your abilities. I’m so low on the learning curve of every career possibility.
To combat the worrying, I take little light steps forward (take classes, practice at home, find mentors) toward ability, knowledge and experience. I slough off the uneasiness and move forward by building meaningful connections (at least this comes naturally to me). I go small and lightly so I don’t stop completely and let insecurity win.
Go Lightly in Matters of the Heart
I want to be in a relationship again. I miss the intimacy of a partner. I want to love, share and co-create with someone every day. The other side of the bed has been empty long enough.
I am good at creating long lasting relationships. Even when relationships end, we usually remain friends because there is a core respect.
So what am I afraid of? I am afraid of hurting others. I’m afraid of never finding love. I’m afraid of losing myself… again. I’m afraid of it not working…again.
Yet I find it almost impossible to go lightly into new relationships. The men I see don’t want to date casually. They want a long term relationship and honestly, so do I. Can you go lightly where hearts are involved? I believe when you fall into something really good there is no stopping the dopamine rushes and deep longing that arises. What you can do is let go of perfect. No one and no relationship is perfect. I need to put a serious cap on my analyzing and just float in the incredible headiness of romance and love. There is no stopping feelings of love. They may even help you let go of the scars and hurt from previous relationships. Love has a way of making light work of heaviness. When you receive love you feel lighter. When you give it, you soar.
Trying Too Hard
For much of my life I tried too hard. I tried to be a person who could handle everything and ask for more. I tried to succeed at every endeavor even if I had to disregard a nagging feeling that what I was doing did not feel natural. Why didn’t I let myself be more silly? More carefree? Why so serious?
When I’m feeling insecure I slip back into that mentality. I have to keep up with others. I force myself to push through instead of listening to my gut. It may sound like a cop-out, but I believe much of life today is spent making things happen, making it work, instead of breathing easily and lightly letting things fall into place. You must PUSH forward, instead of moving forward with gentle steps. There’s more competition and less letting things unfold. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe there is a time for action, just not all the time. 
Too much forcing and we miss out on listening, beauty, laughs and intuition.
A lot of moving lightly has to do with staying present. Don’t let past memories or past identities weigh heavy on your spirit. Now is what’s real. Go forward from here with less luggage. This is what I tell myself. Move forward with who you are not who you were. Choose happiness by letting things flow naturally, no forcing, no faking. No being sucked down into despair by the past or by things out of my control. There is so much good to be felt. So much to experience and explore. It’s easier to explore when you are traveling lightly.
How do you move lightly? Is life more complicated than when we were kids? Is there anything weighing you down?
Related articles
- What Your Dissatisfying Relationships Are Telling You (toddlohenry.com)
- Newly Divorced Introvert Follows Her Heart for a Change (space2live)
- It’s Never Too Late to Experience Mind Blowing Passion (space2live)
- Do You Have the Guts to Choose Happiness? (space2live)
- Secrets to Satisfaction: How to Keep a Twinkle in Your Eye (space2live)
[…] Go Lightly Even If You Feel Deeply […]
Hi Brenda,
My emotional fitness is continually tested as an art teacher. I long to tap the secret (the water bug secret) of going lightly while facing those boisterous and chaotic preteens. Twenty one years later, I confess I still have those unnerving intervals of turbulence where I fear the plane is going to crash and so far it never has.
[…] Go Lightly Even If You Feel Deeply […]
[…] Go Lightly Even If You Feel Deeply […]
[…] Go Lightly Even If You Feel Deeply […]
I don’t know how to handle it anymore… I don’t have friends because socialising is such a demand and drain of my energy. I used to be lost in addiction because the only way I could be around people was by being out of my mind, literally. I was on medication too for a long time. I’ve been off the meds and the drugs for a while. At the moment it feels like I’m not sure if I’d rather just still be getting out of my mind to “cope”…
Craig, have you read any of the Highly Sensitive books by Elaine Aron? You sound like someone extremely sensitive to stimulation. How do you spend your days? Do you work outside your home?
I have to be mindful of my socializing and the energy it takes too. Have you tried meditation? Counseling or therapy? Do you get regular exercise? Do you have any beautiful hobbies or passion that you can get lost in? Do you write? I’m asking a lot of questions but the things I listed are those that have helped me cope. I also watch what I consume. I limit my sugar and caffeine intake. I make space in my schedule for solitude. It’s a must. It helps me smooth out my nerves and return to myself. Once I feel at peace and recharged I have a desire to connect with others. I want to share with others.
Writing could be a way to get out of your mind. It initially puts you in your head but it also frees you of repetitive thoughts. It’s a more passive way of connecting with people.
I feel for you. I know what it’s like to not be at peace. As much as I love time to myself, I believe we all need to connect with other humans.
Thank you for reaching out. I know I have other readers who are as sensitive as you. Sending you peace and strength.
[…] Go Lightly Even If You Feel Deeply […]
I fear my health will eventually go due to the stress I put on myself to go with the crowd and against my nature. I’m sorry you had to get to the point of physical illness before you felt you could say no and just BE. I completely understand how it happens though. We often feel like we are not enough so we knock ourselves out filling in the gaps. Know YOU are enough. You don’t owe others your spirit and all of your energy. May you heal in all ways and give to others through your newfound wisdom. You made me pause and reconsider some choices today. Thank you.
Staying present, moving lightly, letting life flow…your ease with words again has me appreciating the little things that made today another blessed bliss day. Your perspective is always refreshing and reminds me to stay focused on the right things. In the busy days that have life rush by, finding the calm in your words is a blessing. Thanks.
Let your body relax, your mind stop whirring and your story unfold.:) Easier said than done a lot of the time, but with practice it will become the norm. Don’t resist the rush and action, move through them, lightly. I’m working on this too. You are already staying present and reflecting on the blessings. Nice.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
“Don’t let past memories or past identities weigh heavy on your spirit.” “Go forward from here with less luggage.” “No being sucked down into despair by the past or by things out of my control. There is so much good to be felt. So much to experience and explore. It’s easier to explore when you are traveling lightly.” I can, or would like to strive to, relate to these quotes so much. By some I am known as a reserved, quiet pushover whilst by others I think I am known as somebody who is a little more outgoing, who enjoys taking life less seriously and enjoys having a good laugh. The hard part is discovering which one is the real me. Your article, once again, has helped me to put what I feel into words. I will really try to take things less seriously when I feel the luggage becoming heavier from now on. I find it almost funny that whenever I go on holiday I really do feel like I’m travelling “lightly”, in a sense, because I can let my hair down and forget about the stresses from work. It’s great to see that you have made some decisions which will give greater security in life! Now I need to follow your footsteps somehow. 😉 Once again, thanks for a very interesting read.
I actually need to put my own advice into practice. At this moment, I am succumbing to my fears and racing mind – feels very heavy. Deep breath. Envisioning holding the issue lightly. I DO feel somewhat better.:)
Holidays are so wonderful, not only do you get to leave stress behind but you get to be whoever you want in a new place.
May you have a light step and weightless heart Lucy. Your thoughts do affect your being.:) Thanks for your sweet comment.
Congratulations! You have identified the theme of the Bhagavad Gita, the Tao te Ching, and who knows how many other meditation texts. I’ve been working on this since 2000. But then again, working on it means missing the point. It’s something more on the order of just NOTICING that you’re working on it.
I’ve been studying and at times practicing the philosophies of both of the writings you mentioned. I was introduced to them around 2008. So much of it is about letting go, non-resistance. It is a constant practice that is so easy to disregard because there is a sh*tstorm of should-dos coming at me that I instinctively want to push back against. But when I am mindful and create space to go lightly (and meaningfully) I am the most content I have ever been.
I just read The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd and found myself thinking of you on almost every page ~ your journey, your soul and your writing style have the same feeling to me as a reader. It always brings me to a welcome place in myself to read your posts – thank you for these beautiful words and thoughts on lightness. <3
So good to hear from you.:) I need a new book to dig into! I’ll find The Dance of the Dissident Daughter. I love book recommendations – little gifts.
I feel the same way about your writing. It brings me home.
I look forward to following your journey in 2013. Happy happy New Year!
I like your honesty with the reader, your voice, which is the crux of a good essay. You know, you are head and shoulders above the amateurs who strain their tonsils with the local newspaper column, out here. You have gifts and elbow grease, they don’t. Bill Ogle. Merry Christmas.
I think my voice is getting louder and more clear. Thanks for noticing. Honestly, it’s the only way I know how to write. Merry Christmas Bill.:)
You have a way of putting into words exactly what I feel. I have been learning to go lightly, and it is wonderful to be able to give myself the freedom to do so. Our paths are similar, with similar timing, so I really appreciate all that you have to share. Thank you.
There is nothing better than hearing your words resonate with someone. I’m thrilled you have and recognize freedom in your life. Here’s to our journey! Much peace and pleasure to you.
Best information yet,for me! I have lots to ponder now, thanks for bringing this topic to my thought process–very interesting material.
I’m thrilled it resonated with you.:) Thanks for reading, commenting and supporting me.
Reblogged this on My Year Of Initiation and commented:
This post arrived in my inbox at just the right time. I have one week to go till I re-submit my PhD thesis, my family have gone ahead to South Africa, and I am alone with this work, gifted with a slice of time to birth it, temporarly freed from the obligations of family life. Yet, I feel this heaviness, and fear, despite being so close to the finish. It stops me in my tracks. Dangerous quicksands. So this timely reminder felt like a miracle. A reminder to tread lightly through these last tasks, to allow them the space to happen, and continue to proceed one light step at a time towards completion. As Brenda puts it so well in her post, ‘I go small and lightly so I don’t stop completely and let insecurity win’. Beautiful and timely words indeed.
‘I go small and lightly so I don’t stop completely and let insecurity win’
Thanks so much for this wonderful post! I’ve got a week to go till I re-submit my PhD thesis, a deeply personal project that I have struggled with for over 9 years. Heavy indeed! And the only way to do this last week, this last push, is by being small and light, so that I don’t stop completely at the final post and let insecurity win. Got no doubt that career is just around the corner for you Brenda! Keep on keeping on…. lightly : ) xx
Bravo to you for fulfilling your PhD requirements! I’m so excited for you! That is definitely something that would require light steps to avoid the heavy quicksands that would inevitably appear. Go lightly and celebrate your work.:)
“Feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. I work on this every day.” Me too Brenna. Me too. Wonderful post. Thank you for your candor. Dave
Thank you for reading and supporting my writing Dave. It’s easier to work on myself when I know others are on the same journey. Keep on doing what you do. You inspire me.
yet again you spoke directly to me. with things going on in my life right now, I needed to hear these words. I am a very passionate person. I too over analyze everything! I think out loud and I think a lot! I cannot just live lightly, but i need to learn this skill. there are some times when lightly is needed for everyone especially myself. i think i tend to force things and then i wish i had a backspace or delete button in my life! I am going to take to heart your words of lightness! I love my passion and it makes me, ME but I also know that sometimes I need to learn to let go and let things come or go naturally.
Also, about your career, I have an idea. Just a thought. I would prefer to email you directly or contact you some way. I just feel like I need to share something with you! Let me know if you do not mind.
My step-mother recently told me that I need to laugh and move on when things don’t go perfectly. That’s what she does and I’ve noticed she seems content with her life. I know that what we resist, persists, so once again I’m practicing letting go. I think it’s a life-long practice.:) You are a thinker like me only you think out loud. I write out loud or keep it to myself. Please keep your passion alive! I’m sure you can live lightly and be passionate. It’s possible to embrace things passionately without crushing them. Just breathe and be. Thanks for your thoughtful response.
You can email me at space2live@yahoo.com regarding a career idea. I’d love to hear it!