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During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
Because of your blog, I know that it is possible for me to have the love that I want one day and that I don’t have to be alone.  — Indepthwoman  on space2live
Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…
This is me. This is me from the day I was born. For so long I felt misunderstood and rejected, even by the people closest to me, because they could never understand my need for solitude, and I had no idea how to explain it to them. Even now that I know more about Introversion and have a more informed understanding of my hard-wired need for solitude, it’s still very difficult sometimes to help my loved ones understand this profound craving for time and space all to myself. This is one of the best…
Your words are my lifeline.  I sit down to your posts and as I read I can feel my acceptance of myself and my needs grow.  Your words validate my feelings about my life, motherhood, relationships and it is something I hold onto.  And during the times when I feel like I am not able to be a mother or a wife or a sister or a friend or whatever someone needs me to be, I go back to your words and find some peace…I send your posts to my husband when I need him to understand that I love him but I need …
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live

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Confidence and Completing Things: The Secrets to Evading Anxiety

confident man

In order to have real confidence, you not only need to succeed at what you’re doing. You need to COMPLETE things (of course, some things should be dropped). If you’ve been avoiding things in your life, then you can’t have confidence. — Benjamin Hardy

I’ve been thinking about how good it feels to complete things. Introverts and avoidantly attached people tend to greatly dislike interruptions during their work. Interruptions feel so annoying. I thought it was solely because it takes me so long to return to the deep level of concentration I was in before the interruptions, but now I also think it is because disruptions keep me from completing things.

What stops us from completing tasks

My daily schedule has been crammed lately with work, wedding and winter tasks. The winter here in Minnesota has been brutal (more brutal than usual). We received 39 inches of snow in February alone! That is a record for us. When the weather is nasty, as we all know, tasks get added to our day. For instance, if it snows more than two inches, we have to shovel the sidewalk and clear our driveway. Since I am the only one home most of the time, I get to take on those tasks. I do get help from Mark and the kids when they are available.

While we are dealing with winter, the wedding planning tasks pile up or get haphazardly squeezed in throughout the day and night. While I’m dealing with wedding and winter tasks, my writing and course creating work gets put on the back burner.

Are you completing things you value?

I value highly my writing and course creating. I also value quality time with my family and friends. Taking care of the house and yard, feel like interruptions and distractions that stop me from completing the work I value. This creates anxiety for me.

Last Monday, I had the damn ice dams removed from our roof. I had been staring at them and fretting for weeks. The removal was very expensive, but the alternative was having ice get under the shingles and melt. This could cause catastrophic damage to the interior and electrical in our house.

Confidence grows 

The day after the ice dams were removed, I finished one of the courses I’ve been working on. That same day, I also purchased my wedding dress. That night my mood was markedly lighter and happier. I stood taller and had the energy to joke and offer support to others. I enjoyed my family more that night and I felt like the best version of my self.

I’ve written quite a bit about values and how they guide us and help us get through obstacles. Another fine point I want to put on the importance of values is that the work we complete in the name of our values gives us confidence. The works’ completion helps us evade anxiety. It fortifies us.

Keep occupied but not too occupied

I recently read, Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. The paperback version of the book was published in 1969, so I’m taking her antiquated references to sedatives, shock treatment and housewives with a grain of salt. But, overall the book has excellent advice and suggestions for creating relief for the nervously ill.

Here is one of Dr. Weekes helpful quotes:

When you have achieved confidence by your own efforts, nothing can take it away again. No future defeat can quite destroy it.

Dr. Weekes is big on her patients finding light occupation in the company of others to help relieve their nerves. Dr. Weekes warns that if we throw ourselves into any and all occupation solely to run from our worries, it won’t work. She recommends light occupation. Something that gets us out of bed in the morning but does not stress us out. I think she is dead right.

Completion, aaah…

When we have projects to work on and finish, we spend less time ruminating and re-igniting our sensitive nervous system. Companions help us stop focusing on ourselves. They engage us and give us a perspective other than the agitated one our fatigued mind and body provide.

Making progress on my creative work, making a decision about my wedding dress and resolving the ice dam issue all gave me the completion I needed to re-fortify my strength and confidence.

If you are suffering from overwhelm and anxiety, I encourage you to make time to complete something you value. The longer we let issues remain fragmented and unfinished, the more anxious and defeated we feel.

What have you completed lately? How is your confidence? What could you close out today?

Photo by Charlie Howell on Unsplash, Photo by Elijah Chan on Unsplash


brenda knowles online school

I’m excited to announce my latest courses on

 Is It Introversion or Insecure Attachment? Why We Withdraw or Distance from Our Partners

If you have wondered why you or your partner drift away from intimacy and togetherness this course will have answers for you. If there is withdrawing or distancing between you and your loved one and you would like understand why, Is It Introversion or Is It Insecure Attachment? will help.

Click the links or images to learn more.
woman turned away


Introverts Explained: Why We Love You but Need a Break from You

Are you or your partner an introvert? Does he get tired and want to go home after a few hours of socializing? Does she seem happy to be intimate one day and need space the next? Introverts Explained can help you gain understanding about yourself or your partner.

Introverts Explained course


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