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BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…
Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
Your words are my lifeline.  I sit down to your posts and as I read I can feel my acceptance of myself and my needs grow.  Your words validate my feelings about my life, motherhood, relationships and it is something I hold onto.  And during the times when I feel like I am not able to be a mother or a wife or a sister or a friend or whatever someone needs me to be, I go back to your words and find some peace…I send your posts to my husband when I need him to understand that I love him but I need …
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
I met Brenda and took the MBTI… I had a fairly good understanding of these types before the meeting but was impressed by the depth of knowledge that Brenda shared with me. She clearly has a passion for this work and a gift in imparting the information. There have been doors opened for me because of our talks… — Alan Hintermeister
Alan Hintermeister
This is me. This is me from the day I was born. For so long I felt misunderstood and rejected, even by the people closest to me, because they could never understand my need for solitude, and I had no idea how to explain it to them. Even now that I know more about Introversion and have a more informed understanding of my hard-wired need for solitude, it’s still very difficult sometimes to help my loved ones understand this profound craving for time and space all to myself. This is one of the best…
During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.

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One Sure-Fire Way to Unhook from Your Emotions and Thoughts

woman typing

I believe it is important to pay attention to our thoughts, emotions and intuition. They can serve as compasses as we navigate our lives. They often surface involuntarily. We react to them quickly and often without prior reflection. Sometimes this is good because our internal computer ably makes leaps in judgment based on past experiences. Sometimes reacting quickly gets us into trouble because our internal computer makes assumptions based on past experiences.

No space, no power

The problem is we do not create space between stimuli and reaction. Viktor Frankl (Man’s Search for Meaning author) famously said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” This quote is one of the reasons I named my first website space2live, by the way.

As a highly sensitive person and a brooder, I have fallen prey to the quick regrettable reaction to emotions, thoughts and intuition more times than I would like to admit. The high sensitivity does often lead to fairly accurate predictions, but the brooding keeps me stuck in unhealthy ruminating regarding those predictions or assumptions, particularly if they are negative.

How to pause and put space between the stimuli and reaction? How do we take our power back and grow?

The power of being witnessed

One way, I have found quite effective personally and professionally, is writing. Since 2009, I have been part of a writing group. We now meet monthly. In this group, we get together and respond to writing prompts given to us by the leader, Roxanne Sadovsky. She gives us prompts such as, “And what I really want to say is…” or “When I was in middle school I…” We then write for 10 to 20 minutes without censoring or editing. After time is up, we have the choice to read our writing out loud to the group or not. We almost always all read. Having others witness our unpolished and vulnerable thoughts heals us.

Making sense of it all

Another writing avenue I pursue is creating a weekly post for In the last eight years I have written over 400 posts. Many of you have observed my personal evolution through this writing. Thanks for tagging along for the ride. Through writing, I’ve worked my way through a divorce, long-term relationships, parenting, writing a book and numerous other personal struggles. All the while, creating a personal narrative that helps me make sense of what has happened to me.

By creating a narrative that makes sense of everything that has happened to us and how it has strengthened us, we boost or change our perspective. That perspective is the space between stimuli and reaction.

Sometimes we need help with our narrative

As a personal coach, I often tease out personal narratives by asking my clients to respond to writing prompts like, “I used to be… but now I’m …” Letting them see how they’ve come full circle in a belief, relationship or behavior, gives them the space or perspective to stop ruminating or brooding and move forward.

Naming our feelings is proven to reduce stress and anxiety. It moves the function from a reaction in the primitive limbic region in our brain to the more rational pre-frontal writing

I encourage you to take the time to write about your experiences. Write with abandon. Write about what hurts. Put space between your thoughts, emotions, intuition and your reactions.

Do emotions get the best of you? Do you react quickly and then regret it? Has writing ever played a part in your recovery?

Speaking of creating a personal narrative to make sense of our lives, click the link to check out my new online course titled: Attachment Moving from Insecurity to Security Within a Relationship. This course helps the student move from insecure patterns ingrained from childhood to secure, confident behavioral patterns that create strong relationships. Be sure to watch the free preview video!

brenda knowles online school

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

Photo by Brad Neathery on Unsplash

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