Three and a half years ago I was deciding whether or not to take guitar lessons. Underneath the veil of the simple decision were all the possibilities that playing music brings. It was a chance to move into an artistic world of musicians, writers, creators. A world that seemed so magical, meaningful and for me, out of reach. I had never been especially musically gifted or artistic. I was afraid to step outside of my safe routines. How would this me time affect my family? Am I being selfish? I was wavering and sent an email to the music school’s owner (Mike Geronsin) saying as much. He responded with, Why do you feel guilty about taking time for yourself? I feel it’s the best thing in the world to fill yourself up and then it spills onto everyone else.
I signed up for lessons and never looked back.
We are all told to take time for ourselves. You deserve a break. Go ahead have a spa day or a girls’ night out. Take a vacation. Meet your buddies for a drink after work. Most of the time these breaks are granted as we perch on the shallow ledge of a mental high-rise dive. We are allowed to stray from our daily routines for a short time in order to pull ourselves together.
What if what we do to fill ourselves up takes a long time but changes our lives?
Two years before the guitar lessons began, I ventured out into the world of fitness by hiring a personal trainer. At the time my three kids were five, three and one year(s) old. The two hours at the gym two times a week with the trainer were my vacation. When my trainer asked what my fitness goal was I said, To be strong. I was in mediocre shape when I first showed up in front of Michael (trainer) and his body fat calipers. I was no athlete. He only laughed a little at my clodhopper jump roping style and my inability to jog thirty minutes straight on a treadmill. He taught me to be light on my toes and to do intervals while running. He had me push ninety pound weights up and down the carpeted floor. He introduced me to other fitness-minded friends. I found running to be the perfect time to daydream and develop ideas. I became stronger physically and creatively. My days of personal training with Michael came to an end but I still use his training sheets to guide my independent workouts. I am still friends with the women he brought into my life as workout partners. I still make fitness a consistent part of my lifestyle.
The confidence I gained from being fit led me to try new things, like playing guitar.
So in December of 2007 I began guitar lessons with Mike (Pitch Fever Music Academy). I am never going to set the world on fire with my playing. Picture Mike and me in a small room recording Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. My shaky fingers pluck out the tune as Mike consciously but discreetly plays louder and fuller in order to fill in where my playing lacks. Needless to say, I am happy to be the acoustic rhythm guitar player tucked in the back of the stage. My nerves and shaky fingers are in no way a reflection of Mike’s teaching, just my over-thinking. In between guitar strumming Mike and I talk about humanity, spirituality and creativity. I soak up the vibe of the music school; the artistic world I envisioned. In the three plus years we have been friends Mike has written a book, A Practice of Power and I have uncovered a passion for writing. You can now find Mike at the very successful Youtube channel, The Art of Guitar.
In writing I have found a home. While taking classes at The Loft in downtown Minneapolis, I feel a sense of belonging. I am surrounded by others who live to re-live life on the page. They are observers and poets. I feel free among them. The hours I spend learning about writers and writing are completely satisfying to me, so fulfilling that I want to let it spill onto everyone else and do so by playing with my kids and blogging.:)
What do you do to fill yourself up and grow?
P.S.I recently saw a package of funny cocktail napkins at a gift shop. They read, Between my trainer and my therapist I can’t find any me time.😉
**Author’s note: This post is almost a year and a half old but the messages and lessons are timeless. These ventures re-directed the course of my life. So grateful.**
If you liked What I learned from a Guitar Guru you might also like:
Self-Actualization and the Suburban Mother (space2live)
Steven Tyler and an Introvert: Expanding Through Music, Stillness and the Inner Garden (space2live)
Why I Love Assh*les and Curmudgeions: A Look at Personal Transformation (space2live)
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I would love it if you shared this post.:)
The guy, Mike Geronsin, now runs a very successful popular guitar YouTube channel called The Art of Guitar. Maybe you should drop him a message again some day if the lessons you learnt helped you.
Yes, I know! Mike is doing very well with The Art of Guitar. We stay connected through social media and the occasional DM. Very happy for him.
[…] stronger and healthier than ever. I faced fear and felt joy in the same activity. I wrote in What I Learned from a Guitar Guru about my shaky fingers and overall nervousness about being observed while I play guitar, yet […]
I would argue that Brenda’s latent discovery of her sensibility has always been there: thanks to the catalysts who set off the eruption. The great writer Sherwood Anderson didn’t happen upon writing till age 40: thank God he happened on it. Brenda worships the written word, it’s like a coronation: it’s her closest way with people. A sort of public service for the soul. She’s turning into quite a chronicler, with a touch of the poet. Anybody who takes up writing is in for it, for a revelation of some sort. I’m delighted she has found E.B. White. I’d like her to check out Edmund Wilson, Dwight MacDonald, Gilbert Highet, Lionel Trilling, Alfred Kazan–all critics. Throw in Gore Vidal too. They’re there to open the flood gates to the paradise of literature and extraordinary thinking. Bill Ogle
Thanks Bill.:) I know you know the warmth and intoxication of writing/literature. You’re a poet and observer yourself.:) I like seeing writing as a “public service for the soul.” I know MY soul benefits tremendously. Someday I’ll venture into reading the critics you mentioned. I look forward to it. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate your heartfelt ideas.
Ummmm….well…one of my favorite’s is “Tuesday’s with Brenda” 😉 Our conversations are a treat to me, give me mental strength, and make me get off of my lazy bunda and want to dig into my creative projects again…as well as gain ideas for new ones. I also love feeding into your projects. Our playing off of each other is an awesome feeling to me.
Meditation is a love hate relationship in filling myself up and growing. It’s torture many times to sit down and do it, but once I’m in, I feel like I go to another level and I meet and have conversations with the most incredible people/personalities. Unfortunately, one of my favorites is moving to Iowa. It’s amazing how you can get so much out of one hour a week with people of depth…like your guitar lessons…brief but enlightening. You have been, in spirit and mind, in my meditation group. I’ve breathed peace, love, and happiness to you and accepted it from you in my meditations.
Kickboxing is a drug I could not do without. If I’m not doing it, I start to feel flat. The fact that it’s a unique exercise and that I can zone out while I do it, also makes my creative side keep moving and makes me feel like I have something to the table/conversation.
Volunteer work. I fill myself up and grow all the time in volunteer work whether it’s intermingling my spirit with that of others and/or my leadership skills from the past and learning myself so that I can assist in bigger and better things. I love it, and I feel this draw to always move forward and up in my experiences with it. I get different things from small versus large organizations. Small orgs, people are tighter. Larger orgs, I learn more and make a difference at a higher level. Also, I can take what I learn in larger organizations and bring it to smaller organizations who haven’t done the tasks I have or seen the projects I have. Actually, some people do that for a living…teach groups how to create a fundraiser or charity.
Anyway, you know what I think about you finding time to fill yourself up and grow. I think it took you about two years, but I think you’ve finally found your flow. You seem to enjoy your family, not mind all the “have tos”, find the right amount of time for the people you need emotionally AND those you need mentally…sometimes the same…sometimes not, and you have found something for yourself that TRULY makes you happy. You created a spot for it in your life. It didn’t just appear, but you created it and you use what you get from it to also flow back into those around you…sometimes by explaining yourself and sometimes by naturally letting what you have flow from you.
You are very good at learning and growing from all of your activities.:) You also are a master at finding things to do that are inexpensive but meaningful. Meditation is an awesome practice that leads to clarity and a deeper knowing of your self. I love the feeling of my brain resting.:) I’m so glad you have found the space and place to delve into meditation. You always seem so happy and awake after your sessions. Your kickboxing is a perfect outlet, an outpouring of being alive. Fitness kind of feels like a cleansing. I think we do have to create space for the things that move us, where time flies and light and energy flow.
🙂
Bren-
I love this..you are my hero!! You are truly “LIVING” my friend. I love who you are and who you are not and that you are brave to try new things and find magic and wonder and joy in the things you do. I want to be more like that in my own life. YOU ROCK!!! 🙂
Becca thanks for your endless enthusiasm. I so admire your energy! I truly appreciate the time you take to read and respond to the blog. You are a woman with many talents and the biggest heart. Follow that heart dearie.:)
Ha! Awesome – I want those napkins (even though I don’t have a personal trainer.)
Brenda – you rock and I love your blog. I’m always excited when I get a new email and its one of your posts vs. an email list I thought I wanted to sign up for or an update to my “too-much-time-spent-on-facebook” comments and such. Hee hee. Actually, I’m pretty sure I’ve wanted to comment on every single post you’ve written, and keep the email notifications in my inbox as reminders to do so until they get lost within other things to follow up on. Why I can’t get it through my head that it actually saves me time if I respond and follow up with people right away – I blame my insecurities in looking like I’m online ALL the time. Which I mostly am. 😛 🙂 Now that I get my gmail and such on my phone, that statement is even more true.
I’m reading this book right now that I think you’d like – it’s called “Write. 10 Days to Overcome Writer’s Block. Period.” and it’s by Karen E. Peterson, Ph.D. It’s been on my bookshelf for at least 3 years now without me even cracking open the cover until 2 days ago. I figure it doesn’t count as legitimate writer’s block unless you actually get me to sit down and write, only to stare at the blank screen – which is entirely inaccurate, btw. Chapter 1 is actually called “Permission to Write” and she shares the best piece of advice – something said to her. This story is what I wanted to share with you (I’m just typing it, verbatim, from this book – pages 6 & 7):
“All too often, the writer’s world is viewed as mysterious – and reserved for the chosen few: the blockbuster novelist, the literary elite, the slammer journalist. The rest of us feel like impostors. But the world of writing is open to anyone, anytime, anyplace.
You are one of those anyones.
And so am I. This I discovered when I first met poet Denise Levertov. I had already overheard Kurt Vonnegut say, when pressed for a formula for his convoluted plot lines, that “the plot is just a bribe to keep them reading.” Could I come up with a decent bribe? Probably – I have all the books on plot that are still in print. I certainly knew I had a lot to say, and I even knew I had some talent for writing, but I still couldn’t answer – let alone ask – the quintessential writer’s question.
But that day, not long after I had defected from teaching college English to attend a doctoral program in psychology, I crawled out from my ten-year volcanic pit of writer’s block, planted one foot on solid ground, and posed to Ms. Levertov the unnerving question that had haunted me for years.
“What,” I asked with some trepidation, “gives one the right to write?”
She knew exactly what I meant. Without skipping a beat, she said, “Well, is there something that will go unsaid if you DON’T write?” (“don’t” is actually italicized, but I can’t figure that out here, so I went for the caps)
“Of course,” I said.
“Well, then, you simply must write,” she said. “It’s like breathing.”
______
I read that yesterday, or maybe the day before, and it really struck me. I DO feel like I have little to no right in writing – and I think this is a common theme amongst us all. I, for one, am happy as can be that you’re taking this time to fill up and overflow that fulfillment onto the rest of the world. We’re all better for it, so thank you, dear Brenda! Rock on!
Sarah thank you so much for the writing book recommendation. I LOVE book recommendations! I will definitely check it out. What will go unsaid if you don’t write???? That is THE definining question and one that begs writers to come out of their trepidation and share. Sarah I KNOW you have a lot to say. Your story is compelling and inspiring and needs to be told.:)
I so appreciate your interest in my blog. Anytime something I write resonates with someone it’s like permission to keep writing (even tho I don’t need permission;). Keep on reading, writing, living and breathing Sarah and let me know when I can read some of your work.:)
You are so inspiring. There are so many aspects of my life that are very fulfilling and other areas in which I could use a little push. Perhaps this is just the push I need. Brenda, I am a member of the poetry society of Michigan and the national convention will be held in Dearborn june16-19. Is this something that you might be interested in?
I love that you are a member of the poetry society!! The convention would be full of poetic people…so enticing, but I am planning on being in Michigan for Highland Festival at the end of May. I am very protective of my schedule – lots of space between events.;) If you are going to be around for Highland Festival let me know. I would love to see you!! You should definitely follow the poetry thread and see where it leads you.