Fall in love when you’re ready not when you’re lonely.

~ From Marc and Angel Hack Life

What helped me accept the end of my marriage?

Knowing I would be OK by myself.  In fact, I would be better off alone than in the relationship.

I reached the point where I could cut away the safety net that spread beneath me for 18 years and walk out onto the tight wire, head held high, enjoying the view. Feeling the freedom.

I had no partner waiting in the wings to catch my ailing heart.  No one to hold me once my husband exited.  And I was fine with that. I made sure I was not hoping to leap into someone else’s care.

I was beautifully cared for in my marriage but now is the time to nurture and know myself.

What Makes You Deliriously Satisfied?

I know what makes me happy.

I am content when my children relax and laugh easily. I am alive when I run and strive through a workout. I am deeply satisfied while reading or writing. Nature soothes me. Art takes my breath away. Friends’ stories settle in my heart and expand. Music both energizes and comforts.

I buzz from solitary sunny drives and intimate conversations over perfumed tea.

Introvert Advantage Available to Extroverts

I have an advantage in the willing to be alone arena.  I am an introvert and recharge in solitude.  I actually crave private space. Nevertheless, the ability to listen to your soul in silence and embrace the loveliness of your own company is a gift available to both  introverts and extroverts. It’s possible for love and ideas to originate within and flow outward without being shaded by the coloring of others. Loneliness becomes soulatudeEmptiness is banished to dim corners by the light of self-awareness, divine creativity and quiet peace.

55% of 3000 singles reported that they were not in a committed relationship and had no active interest in seeking a romantic partner. ~the Pew Research Center

Seek New Partner or Revisit Eat Pray Love?

I know my soon-to-be-ex-husband’s friends and family are already nudging him into the dating world.  They casually suggest Match.com or single women they know.

My friends? Not so much. My closest peeps suggest I concentrate on healing my children and excavating the pre-marriage Brenda who explored people and reveled in novel experiences. They think Liz Gilbert didn’t have enough time to herself in Eat Pray Love before she met the next love of her life.  Should she have spent another year traveling the world and traversing her spirit? How long is long enough to know yourself? To love yourself so you can genuinely love another?

I have one dissenting friend. She reminds me that I have already spent a long time out of love. I should not put love off. I should not suppress feelings of attraction. If I find myself in the glow of amour, Speak your truth!, she says.  Meaning don’t hold back, don’t fiercely detach, be honest.

Wanting Vs. Needing

According to a 2007 report from the  U.S. Census Bureau, those who remarry after divorce wait about 3.5 years before tying the knot again.

As much as I champion independence, I cannot honestly say I wish to go through life forever solo.  I dream of  slow kisses and late night pillow talk. I desire a travel companion; someone to walk with in silence and silliness.

For grins and giggles my writing friends and I spent five minutes coming up with on-line dating profiles.  Here’s mine:

Dreamy blonde introvert who values independence, humor and introspection seeks companion with a rich inner life, sparkle in his eye and artistic bent.  Plan on twilight walks, talk-fests about creativity and laughs over punny jokes.

Quite a dichotomy, yes? It basically says, I’m good without you ( I’m independent, inwardly thinking) but if you have inner richness and twinkling creativity then step right up.

I don’t need anyone to take care of me but I am more than willing to care for someone I want in my immediate universe.

Ideally I want someone I can be alone together with. I suspect my next lover will know a contentedness that originates in his center. He won’t need me for entertainment or care-giving but he’ll enjoy my company (and I his). He’ll recognize my core loves.  He’ll realize I am a package deal – me and what makes me happy (other than him).

And if that gentleman with a righteous inner life should enter and then leave my arms?  Well, then I cry a lot but find the strength to be grateful for the love experience and walk away complete, knowing I am fine by myself.

How are you with being alone?  Do you feel pressure to couple? What makes you feel deeply pleased or satisfied?  

Further reading:

4 Steps to Love and Independence – How to love yourself in 4 steps

How a Sad Life Change Can Make You Extraordinary – Moving through the pain to get to extraordinary

The Good Men Project – For the male perspective on relationships

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself – Re-group, love and move forward

Introvert Relationships: Love Me or Leave Me But Please Don’t Need Me (Too Much)