One hour before the open house my son emptied all the trash and hid the dirty laundry in the garage cupboard. My daughter cleaned all the glass and mirrors with Windex and made sure all the toilets were flushed (boys). I wiped down counters, swept floors and put out new sofa pillows and bathroom towels. I also boiled cinnamon and sugar on the stovetop (who has time to bake freakin’ cookies?). My other son did his part by going outside and not touching anything.
The house has been for sale since April with little to no interest from buyers. We’re in the “grand expectations” price bracket along with seven other homes in our neighborhood. We don’t have high-end finishings or the latest color palette but we do have SPACE. The house is deceptively large compared to its seemingly diminutive exterior. It’s surprisingly spacious and deep (like all amazing things:).
I miss the toaster
We’ve been maintaining appearances and unnaturally “living” in our home for five months. If you walk through our house for a showing you will not see any dirty laundry, any trash in wastebaskets, any clutter on countertops, any questionable reading on my nightstand or any throw rugs anywhere (the stager said they scream ‘germs’). Our toaster is even tucked away to create the effect of uninterrupted flat surfaces.
Sharing your private world with strangers is unnerving. The illusion of mad cleanliness and magazine-cover perfection (immaculate bedding and sparkling sinks) is wearing on all of us. We so want to let down our guard and BE.
No cocooning
It occurred to me that all of this scrambling, exposure and maintaining appearances is much like extroverting for an introvert. It’s pretending. It’s revealing your inner sanctuary to the public in such a way that they will be impressed but at the same time hiding everything that is truly you. It’s doing and doing instead of thinking and being. It feels unnatural and exhausting.
The possibility of interruptions make it damn hard to get into a comfortable flow. Even when we do relax a bit and move through our daily routines, i.e. allowing crumbs on the floor and bills on the desk, we have to be prepared for short-notice showings, which means throwing detritus in a basket in the back of the van and hanging out in a public place, usually Caribou Coffee, for an hour. If you do this enough times and the coffee shop offerings start to lose their appeal. Forced to leave our cocoon (which is still a warm place no matter how sterile it is), we feel like displaced real- estate refugees, much like introverts feel in a hyped-up extrovert world.
It’s not really our home anymore. It’s where we hide our stuff and maintain a look that appeals to the majority.
Being you = home
We want to feel at home.
The open house went down on Saturday afternoon. It garnered slow traffic and no additional showings. Sh*t, more time in housing limbo. The only beautiful thing about no new showings is that we got to enjoy Sunday in our home without interruptions. We un-hid our personal items, unfolded blankets and snuggled on the couch. We even messed up the countertops and used the toaster! Sigh…
Solitude brings Sunday bliss to introverts. We come back to ourselves in uninterrupted, beautiful space. We are home.
I dwell in possibility. ~ Emily Dickinson
Where have you felt pushed out of your element? When have you pretended to be something you’re not? When do you feel at home?
Other posts that might grab you:
The Introvert’s Love Affair with Solitude: Will It Always Be Taboo?
Halfway Home: Somewhere Between Building a Home and Feeling at Home
Introverts Not Meant to Live the Cookie-Cutter Life?
[…] One hour before the open house my son emptied all the trash and hid the dirty laundry in the garage cupboard. My daughter cleaned all the glass and mirrors with Windex and made sure all the toilets were flushed (boys). […]
Like a previous commenter, I live in a blissful mess (love that term!). Clean, but messy. That’s me. I also live in a very small place with little to no storage options. My kitchen table, my desk, you name it, catches a lot of ‘stuff’.
Your post really hit home since I have to have someone come in and fix my furnace before it gets really cold. So now, I have to find places to put my stuff! LOL!
Growing up, I had my own room since I was the only girl, and I could always tell when someone had been in my room. They didn’t even have to touch anything, just walk in. Just that alone made something in the air change, and I knew someone was in there. Maybe I’m just paranoid. Or weird. 🙂
I don’t think you are paranoid I think you are simply a sensitive person.:) I loved having my own room growing up. It was my retreat, my safe space away from my younger sister.;)
Those darn flat surfaces are so good at attracting clutter she says as she sits at a desk covered in papers, plates, notebooks, books and other detritus.
Thanks for sharing Casey.
As always, another great, thought-provoking post, thank you. I live in a blissful mess. Things and areas are clean, they’re just messy. I have a TINY house, and not a lot of storage space. So the kitchen table gets the hit. And I quit making excuses for it long ago. Told my mom and sister that if they didn’t like it (when they’d pop in unannounced), guess what? They didn’t have to come over unannounced! I wish you a blissful mess soon (by way of selling your home.) 🙂
I will be moving into a much smaller house. I’m looking forward to the manageability but do wonder where I will hide all of my stuff.;) We have lots of storage now. I’m good at tucking things away. I’m sure I will figure it out, or even better, ditch a lot of the unnecessary.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
My extroverted MIL will stay with us for upwards of two weeks at a time, and this is exactly how I feel. Like my home is not my home anymore. I feel trapped and forced to pretend to be someone I’m not. You’re absolutely right, it’s exhausting.
Thank you for sharing. I enjoy your blog very much.
Oh wow! Two weeks is a looong time with guests. I’ve been in your position for shorter periods. Felt edgy around day 3. If you don’t engage with the more extroverted ones they think you are snubbing them or that you are rude. It’s a difficult place to be in. I love guests who get the space and quiet thing. Best of luck! Maybe have your MIL read a space2live post that explains introversion.;)
Thanks for your kind words and sharing.
Sadly, I feel most out of my element at work. I am a teacher. There is very little down time, alone space or quiet space to just work, think and be. You are always on, always extraverting, always trying to drown out the ringing bells, screaming PE class and bouncing basketballs down the hall, or the excited recess crew gathered at the vending machine. Kids are noisy god bless them. I enjoy them. I am just finding as I lean more toward my introverted side, I am less and less tolerant of the myriad of interruptions in the school and classroom environment. The PA announcements, emails and electronics beeping, students asking questions, constantly talking, parents calling, staff dropping in, etc etc.. I am on a medical leave right now waiting for surgery, and my own three teens are at school – with the exception of my chronic physical pain I am basking in the silence and down time. I love it. I don’t want to go back to the classroom. Hmmm….( =
I love teachers and used to think I wanted to be one, but the way things are done now and after having kids of my own, I know I would not fair well at the front of the classroom. I teach partners in art occasionally in my kids’ classes. There is so much crammed into their day and the kids raise their hands the whole time I am talking. I feel for the teachers. They tell me how the technology and packed curriculum dictate almost everything they do. Not to mention all the interruptions. I would lose it.;) May you be free of pain soon but enjoy the quiet contemplative time. Perhaps there is another calling for you?
Thank you Brenda and yes, at this late age, I am seriously contemplating a change. It’s as though my mind has been able to over ride all these years, but now my body is breaking down and shouting very loudly that I must change my environment or be physically ill. It is funny how the physical body steps in when we don’t pay heed to the voice in our head and whisper in our heart. The body can pretty much bring you to a grinding halt as mine finally did.
My body has been talking to me lately too. Stress or trail mix is getting me.;) I’m sorry your body had to come to a grinding halt before you felt you had the right to rest and consider other options. Women tend to go and go until they can’t. I know men have their own stress to deal with but women tend to overextend (or feel guilty about not overextending). May your body bounce back and may your spirit feel light when it does.:)
Been there! – so L O V E D this post. ( =