What is the thing you desire most in a relationship? What is the crucial piece you crave or must have in order for your heart to sing? After my marriage ended, I swore I would never be in another relationship without a deep connection. I wanted someone to ‘get me’ and I them.
A key element to have in common with your partner?
According to a study of 375 married couples done by Myers Briggs, the most likely function to have in common with your spouse is the perceiving one; the one that explains how you take in the world and what information you like and trust. There are two options in the perceiving category: Sensing and Intuition. We all use both options to a degree but people who have a Sensing preference are more comfortable with facts, details, sequential steps, past experience and the information that is available to the senses at the moment. Those with an Intuition preference like and trust information that is abstract, conceptual, ‘big picture’, contains patterns and is future oriented. Sensing preferences tend to be seen as practical. Intuitive preferences tend to be seen as dreamers. As you may have guessed, I am an intuitive person, as are many of the readers who follow space2live. We live life based on insight and innovation. We want to make a difference in the world and think in grand scopes. We are pattern recognizers. We use rules as guidelines rather than absolute truths.
Why we need to ‘click’
If you’re with someone that can’t or won’t talk about your ambitions, ideas, and extrapolations on life, the universe and everything, then you’re with the wrong person. Period. That doesn’t mean they have to be Intuitive, but it does mean they can’t be dismissive of your Intuition. If they shut you down every time you want to talk about highly abstract conversations, it doesn’t matter how great they are on paper (or in the sack, or when they take their shirt off…), you’ll only be okay with that for so long before you realize you’ll have to get it from outside the relationship. — Antonia Dodge, 7 Steps to Finding the Perfect Intuitive Relationship
Who wants to get it from outside the relationship if you can have romantic walks, lovemaking AND fulfilling conversations within a relationship?? Wouldn’t that be ideal? Crazy mind-shatteringly incredible??
Excuses for why we don’t fit in or have a boyfriend/girlfriend
Figuring out I am an intuitive thinker explained a lot of things, like why I am or almost annoyed with a lot of the content found in everyday discussions (schedule recitation, details about how tasks are accomplished, talk about sport’s scores or sale prices). It also helped me see why I felt different or unable to contribute in many groups. According to Myers Briggs studies, only 25-30% of the population prefer Intuition. Those whose main way to think is intuitively are the minority. That could, theoretically, put us at a disadvantage for finding a most compatible mate.
Increase your odds
Given that 70% of the population do not think the way I do, it’s no wonder I had a hard time finding people who wanted to sit around and talk about meaningful stuff. I was outnumbered in most situations in school and at work because I followed a fairly typical path (public schools, large state university, corporate America). Interestingly, I would guess my family of origin consists of 75% intuitive individuals (Very ‘big picture’) and at least one of my best friends growing up was an intuitive as well. Somehow I strayed from that lovely cocoon of like-mindedness (even there I didn’t speak up often perhaps because of my introversion or fear of releasing jumbled thoughts) and went more Sensing once I hit college.
If only I would have found my tribe earlier. If only I would have taken more writing classes or made more friends in psychology. I could have networked with other intuitives. The secret to finding others who make the same leaps in understanding is to hang out where they do — personal development seminars, trailblazing organizations, artist’s dens, non-profit institutions, coffee shops, etc. Instead, I was nearly 37 years old and married to a man with a strong sensing preference, before I figured out how and where to bask in the glow of other idealists and spider-web thinkers. Ah well, at least I gained insight on how the other 70% live.
Why it’s a struggle to find an intuitive
Besides the above mentioned fact that only 30% of the population are intuitive thinkers, there is another reason why it might be difficult to get to know one of us. We hide or mask ourselves as sensing, fact based thinkers just like left-handers learn to use right-handed tools and introverts learn to extrovert. And as Antonia Dodge states in her intriguing article, 7 Steps to Finding the Perfect Intuitive Relationship, most people don’t give a rat’s butt about the plight of the left-handed. It’s often easier to go with the majority, but not nearly as fulfilling. It’s not that those who prefer sensing aren’t enriching but finding another intuitive is like finding someone who speaks your language while traveling in a foreign country. The electricity generated when two intuitives spin their idea and meaning based magic is other-worldly and uber restorative for our spirits.
I highly recommend revealing your intuitive self in order to attract this kind of beautiful relationship.
Are you an intuitive living in a sensing environment? Are you an introvert as well? How often and with whom do you let your intuitive flag fly? What is your favorite thing about being intuitive?