I’ve experienced the most delicious freedom over the last few months. The interesting thing is I still have the same responsibilities and reasons to stress, maybe more now, but something is different.
It’s not like this freedom, this peace, was not previously available . It was always there.
Imperfect in Suburbia
The difference is I no longer feel obligated to be perfect. I’ve given myself permission to move with life but not control it. I refuse to keep up with everyone. So, no my kids haven’t gotten their flu shots yet. No, I haven’t put all my Christmas decorations away. No, my kids aren’t all pulling straight As.
I say, No, if I don’t want to do something. I keep time for myself even if I could get 100 things done in that space.
There’s clutter in my kitchen. I’ve left the house with my bed unmade four times (still hard for me).
I let the kids stay up late watching movies with me on the weekends then I let them sleep in the next day. I don’t stress about staying on schedule. The movie experience is more than worth it.
I’m looking forward to moving into a smaller less complicated home within a comfortable neighborhood. I no longer have to have the American dream house.
I’m giving myself a break.
I’m showing my children what meaningful living is.
There is much more laughter and dancing in our kitchen these days.
Getting Things Done Despite Lower Expectations
The strange thing is I’m more productive than ever. I use my Iphone to create to do lists and I complete them (albeit at my pace, which is anything but lightning fast). Not living up to unreasonable expectations takes weight off frustrated shoulders. It’s possible to accomplish without being overwrought. What a lovely notion.
The Introvert Way to Contentedness
It’s always felt more me to focus on relationships and experiences but this world 
emphasizes productivity and possessions. Striving is second nature for us. Contentedness is rare. It’s not easy to climb out of the water and rest on the shore. Everything and everyone wants you to join them in the deep end or in the racing current.
I find myself spending more time chatting with the people who surround me. I’m still an introvert, so these are often one on one or small group chats but the cool thing is I have the space and energy to include these encounters in my day. I even have enough energy to offer to help others if I hear stress in their words or body language. This makes me feel whole and I believe it gives them a boost too.
Several people have remarked about how calm and comforting I am to be around. I think others relax because I am relaxed. Most people bloom when released from expectations of perfection. Everyone needs to experience the gift of imperfection and acceptance.
Secrets to Loosely Keeping It Together
I no longer waste energy keeping myself perfectly together. I don’t have to have the latest clothing or gadget. I take care of myself but don’t worry if I miss a workout. I don’t have to have the perfect shoes to go with every outfit. I mostly wear my favorite worn-in jeans with boots that make me feel sexy. Exercise and good conversation give me a glow that meticulous makeup never will.
I am much more into breathing naturally and smiling easily.
I know much of this peaceful feeling is because I have a better understanding of what is important in life. This, of course, comes with age and life experiences. I also have a more keen awareness of when I am happy, delighted and pleased. I feel it and store the warmth. This awareness makes an impression on my behavior and influences how I treat others.
Appearances and Losing Your Mind
I ran across this line in an advertisement the other day, Free pressure washing of sidewalk and driveway with an exterior painting estimate. I thought to myself, What the hell? Now our sidewalks have to be immaculate and perfect too? It’s a sidewalk. People walk on it. It’s outside. Dirt is expected outside, yes?
I grew up in the country. Things were allowed to naturally weather and change. It wasn’t necessary to chaperone the house, yard and children through every step of existence until perfection was reached. Sure, as a kid I wished my parents would belong to the country club or have big expensive homes but as an adult I have fond memories of cheap entertainment and imperfect homes.
My house goes up for sale this spring. Old habits die hard. My head is starting to buzz with details that need to be attended to in order to make the house perfect. I feel overwhelm creeping in. A drowning feeling sits on the periphery of my calm state. I realize the perfection is not for me. It’s for the buyers and the rest of the neighborhood. I hope to maintain a sense of peace as I go through the move but I also know I may crack at some point. Yeah, I’m imperfect.
It’ll be OK.
Do you hold yourself to high standards? Do you feel you have to keep up with others? How could you ease up on yourself?
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More beauty and wisdom from you Brenda…thank you!
I feel like I will always struggle with this stuff…and then I think : if I make no more progress in my relentless pursuit of perfection/self-improvement, I am enough right now.
At some point it has to be enough.
It is all so exhausting sometimes.
I have moments when I am just too tired to critique myself for one more minute. And then I start again. *sigh*
Your blog is just so wonderful. xo
It’s a constant struggle to figure out where to devote our energy. Ms.Beautiful Cate I think you have a handle on your priorities. You know where to devote your heart and effort. Go easy on yourself, from what I’ve seen you are more than enough. Your writing and extremely adorable and enlightened son are such glowing examples of your touch. Breathe in the beautiful you’ve created.:)
Thanks so much for your post. I find myself getting caught up in this needing to be perfect thing in the eyes of others, even in the middle of the wilderness. I still have internet and a few days ago, a friend of a friend posted something, that I have an opposite opinion about. For a change, I shared my own thoughts, in a very respectful way, and hit the send button. As soon as I did, I became afraid and ashamed. I even woke up in the night worried about it. Oy!
Wow, where did this come from, again? It is a familiar one for me for sure. I sat with the feelings and allowed myself to open up and give the feeling space. Took a nice walk in the woods this morning, and realized this is old belief stuff still in me. I can link it back to my childhood, and it has been a theme. The core belief being, I am not enough. The only way to be enough is to fit in and don’t let the others, know who I really am. Humbling at middle age, I still have this within me.
But more and more I am learning to reframe and release this belief. I told myself, wait. I am enough. I can have my own opinion, and not worry about what others think. I have a right to be here too. What a concept! 🙂 So, I came back from my walk and saw and read your post…perfect. Thank you again for your wisdom. Dyan~
Oh my gosh we are soul sisters. I often wake up in the middle of the night and worry about something I said or did or didn’t do.
We most definitely have a right to our opinions even if they don’t match other’s. I love harmony so my gut instinct is to make a statement but weaken it with an appeasing add-on like, “but I’m open to lots of ideas.”
I’m glad you put your honest response on your friend’s post. You are whole and enough. I’m sure someone else read your reply and cheered. I’m cheering for you too!
Still working on perfecting the art of letting go, but I am getting better.
Me too! Go lightly even when you feel deeply…
Love, love, love this post! I can say the same thing about my life right now. There is something so liberating about giving up the high expectations and being content with “good enough.” I can relate to the bed thing…I don’t make mine every day anymore. I am starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin not worrying about what people think about me and how I live my life. I am an introvert, I like quiet, I like to be alone, and everything in my life does not have to be perfect. : )
Bravo! Be you and live with satisfaction. There is no reason to be perfect. Most people around you will be relieved to know they don’t have to be perfect either. If you relax, it’s like giving others permission to be imperfect as well.
Quiet, alone and comfortable in your own skin = heavenly.:)
I love the title for this post! I was already into it before I even started reading 🙂 “Most people bloom when released from expectations of perfection” … YES. The most beautiful flower arrangements are heaping, happy bouquets of wildflowers! Each one different, each one marvelous in its own wild magic. If I lived in the ‘burbs, I would want you to be my neighbor.
I realized as I was writing this post that the main reason for my feelings of freedom is because I don’t have a fear of making mistakes anymore. I’m not worried about being judged because I’ve surrounded myself with good people and I can always turn inward to my own light. I can be a wildflower and bloom freely.:)
You would be the BEST neighbor! I can imagine lots of laughs and meaningful conversations.
Yes! And lots of dancing in the kitchen 🙂
It WILL be ok and you will be better than ok! THANK YOU!
I believe you Jill. You have the experience to back up your statement.;) Thanks for reading and commenting. I love seeing your smiling face dear friend.:)
“It’s always felt more me to focus on relationships and experiences but this world emphasizes productivity and possessions. Striving is second nature for us. Contentedness is rare. It’s not easy to climb out of the water and rest on the shore. Everything and everyone wants you to join them in the deep end or in the racing current.”
Yes. Period.
That is my favorite section of this post. I always feel inadequate in the racing current but so at home on the shore writing about the racing current.:) I’m grateful for those moments of contentedness. Thank you for understanding and recognizing my words/feelings.