I do this thing where I let myself stay in the shower after doing all the necessary sudsing and rinsing. I stay blissfully immersed in the hot water until the current song on the radio is over. Sometimes that gives me an extra three minutes of glorious steamy reflection time and sometimes it gives me 30 seconds. It depends on how long the song has been playing prior to finishing my washing routine. Sometimes on the weekends I give myself the added luxury of staying under the soothing spray for another entire song. During these free-association-think bonanzas I often come up with ideas for posts, solutions to minor problems or splendid smiley daydreams.
As pleasurable as the shower is, at some point I have to turn off the water and get out. I have to move from warm and comfy to cool and alert. I have to turn off the possibilities, visions and ideas and get to work.
Cozy life of routine
I had a comfortable and stable life as a married, stay-at-home-mom, living in the suburbs. I followed the blueprint for traditional home-life by striving to put others first and making things outwardly picture-perfect. I got lost in the ease of it, in the wash, rinse, repeat routine.
I used to cry in the shower. It was the only time I had to myself.
I couldn’t be naked and vulnerable within the marriage or within our lifestyle. I felt stymied. My introversion was misunderstood and not valued (by me and my family). I knew I couldn’t keep on living counter to my values. I used to read Jason Mraz’s blog for inspiration and laughter. In one of his posts he quoted John Burroughs and said, Leap and the net will appear. It became clearer and clearer to me I was going to have to make a change and leap into uncertainty. I did. The marriage ended and a new, more exposed, less routine life began.
Jumping and crashing on the rocks with Steve Harvey
Many of you may have seen the above video of comedian and Family Feud host, Steve Harvey, talking to the Feud audience about jumping. At some point in your life, he says, You have to jump. He urges the audience to take a chance and truly exercise the gift they were given. Don’t settle for mediocre, go for being the best you can be. Leap off that edge. He talks about crash landing and getting torn up on the rocks the first few times you jump, but that just makes you stronger and the ability to soar, that much sweeter.
How long before you let yourself do what you’re meant to do?
For a few years I played at writing. I wrote weekly blog posts. I took classes at the local literary center. I got published in an online magazine or two. I stayed safe and comfortable within my no-pressure, no-real-risk, writing. I treated it like a hobby I had to master. I worked writing and research in around everyone and everything else, including kids, home maintenance and dating. I even wrote about embracing uncertainty and experiencing joyfear. It took me almost four years before I stopped gathering inspiration, information, time management skills, blog followers and courage. Almost four years before I jumped. Almost four years before I felt confident enough to apply my collected writing knowledge and experience to coaching.
Now every day when I work with clients, I am risk-taking. I am putting myself out there, subject to judgment and failure. I am using my gift and it’s scary but also exhilarating. Sometimes I think to myself during client sessions, I’m really doing this! It feels so aligned with who I am.
The best part? I get to help others jump.
Leaping from childhood to adulthood
Many never take any of these potential enormous leaps, and consequently many do not ever really grow up at all. — M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
My son recently told his dad and me that he has his heart set on a less traditional career path. He will still go to college but the years post-college will involve more survival tactics than cubicle inhabiting. It took a lot of guts for my son to make his dream plan known, especially because he knew it would be counter to our expectations. At 16, he beat me to jumping by 25 years. I guess kids do grow up faster these days. I am thrilled for him and intend to champion him all the way.
The plunge of real love
My man has always wanted to do one of Minnesota’s winter traditions, the polar plunge — leaping into freezing lake water while spectators watch. He asked me to do it last year after we had only been dating a few months. Not being a real fan of icy water and cold in general (i.e. the aforementioned affinity for hot showers), I declined. I wasn’t ready. This year when he brought it up again, initially asking if my son would do it with him (I assume he thought I would still be averse to it), I said I’d like to do it too.
During the last year with my man, our relationship moved from the giddy and heady honeymoon phase of no confrontation and masking imperfections to the giddy and heady real love phase of conflict management and revealing vulnerability. We’ve learned truths about each other. We’ve crashed on the rocks a few times and recovered. We’ve shown we are in it for the long haul. We cheer when the other one jumps or we jump together. Within this relationship we’ve each expressed a willingness to leap, crash and learn.
We haven’t done the polar plunge yet, but we will. We’re ready.
Are you using your gift? Are you waiting to jump? Have you leapt and survived? How are you stepping out of lulling warmth into a bracing existence?
If you would like to make a leap in your life and want an encouraging coach to cheer for and challenge you, sign up here on my coaching page.
Brenda, from the moment you talked about being in the shower and the music, your words are my words. I always do this, lol. I think best when I’m near or in water. When I was with someone, that was my only alone time to think. But I never wrote while I was with this person. I never realized until I ended it, how much this man was holding me back and stifling my creativity. I was really a convenience for him. There was no growth or progress I felt suffocated. The only way out was by me selling my belongings, and a job loss and moving to another state. I guess it had to be that drastic.
Now that I want to move back to the state I used to live in, I get to start over and alone and I’m looking forward to it. I know that I matter and that I come first. Ever since I lost my mom, I never realized how much I put others before me, I never even signed up for it. It just spontaneously happened. When you are giving to much and people see that, they get spoiled especially when you are a woman of your word and you give unselfishly.
I saw this video of Steve Harvey and had the pleasure of meeting him when I was 19. The small talk and hug he gave me, was so genuine, and thats because he has daughters. The talk he gave me, my father should have gave me, but he was void of love and emotion. My plan is to take several leaps, I’m not afraid of failing or falling, because that’s a part of success and your failures, teach you lessons. I know so many people who are just comfortable, with that dream they sell people about the shite picket fence and all, but that was never my path. One can get to comfortable in that lifestyle, I’ve seen it.
I’ve always seen what can happen when you put others before you and look around and you’re like, who am I? Time really does fly. When my mother finally got away from my abusive father, she was in her mid 30s and she did the best she could by raising us, and showing us a different and better life but just as she was getting hers together, she passed away. She always wanted to be a RN and had she been alive she would have, but she at least went back to school and worked in a hospital, helping people which is what she always wanted to do. She sacrificed so much, theres is nothing like a mothers love.
This is why I think one should always go on their own journey before making life long commitments, unless you have someone that really has your back and fully supports you. Because the men I’ve met in the past, they want it to be all about them and what they can get from me. I’m taking my time when it comes to having love again, I know the more I work on me, the right person, will come into my life. When it comes to my passions, its all about music, writing and cooking. It’s what brings me joy and what I want to do to help others, by infusing those three together. I’m not going to make feel guilty about putting myself first because I need to be good, before I can be good for others. When I wake up, I know I have purpose, when others wake up, its all about what they can buy and what vacation they are going on.
I know once I move and I’m in a better environment, then my confidence to create more, will be so much better, because where I’m at, its just hard for me to get around but I needed to be far away, because the people I knew, were draining me and not respecting my space. I’m doing what I can now from where I’m am, planting the roots but I want to see the whole flower field. I want the energy to be good. I want to be in an environment where people care about where they live and everything around them.
I miss the little simple luxuries of having my doorman pick up my packages or mail and the going into the hallway to take out the recycle and trash, over where I’m at, everything is outside. I have to do my laundry outside too. As much as I want to live in CA, I know deep down I’m not ready for that move yet, it will make my journey a bit difficult, but I know when it will be time. Plus I need to decide if I want to pay the price of living on, the west coast and financially its just not a good time. There are so many things I want to do, to be financially independent but I know I will have to step back into the workforce, just for a tiny bit, to finance my dream and I’m ok with that, it will serve a purpose for my plan and I get to do it with a clear mind and to be more focused.