Friends, today I have something special to share with you: An excerpt from a soon-to-be-published book called You Don’t Owe Anyone by my friend Caroline Garnet McGraw.
To quote Caroline, “The book is about how I realized that actually, I don’t owe anybody anything. For years I thought I did. I was world class at being the good girl, the people pleaser, and the super Christian. (I was in a cult, and I was good at it!) The book is about how I got free from all of those old identities, free from the weight of expectations.
I wasted years believing that I owed the world a better version of myself. (Maybe you can relate?) And if I couldn’t be better, then I should at least be quiet. But now, I believe that I don’t owe anyone my silence. And neither do you.”
The ‘good girl, people pleaser’ part really resonated with me (Brenda). As a sensitive person, I never want to let anyone down.
Have you ever beat yourself up over not responding to every message you received in a day?
Me too. I know how it goes. On one hand, you’re tired and overwhelmed. But on the other hand, there are emails! Texts! Calls! All demanding a response!
If we check in with ourselves, we can sense which messages require our attention. However, we have trouble heeding that inner knowing because it conflicts with what we’ve been taught:
If someone writes, we must write back.
If someone starts talking, we must converse.
If someone moves in for a hug, we must embrace.
It doesn’t matter if we feel uncomfortable, exhausted, or just plain unwilling. If we don’t do these things, then we’re unkind and rude. Right?
Maybe not. Maybe there are more important questions for us to ask ourselves than, “But what if they get mad at me?”
Questions such as,
How much time have I wasted in needing to be seen a certain way?
What danger have I courted with my inability to say a direct no?
What have I sacrificed on the altar of being too nice?
Caroline McGraw’s husband told her, “You don’t owe anyone an interaction” and it changed her forever. She finally realized there was no debt to pay. She was free.
Many of us could use a lesson in saying no. As Caroline says, “…when we don’t guard our time, our very ability to be kind erodes.” My post on sensitivity and annoyance had a very similar message.
Where did it begin for you? When did you start believing that you owed the whole world? When did you shoulder the burden of being “good” and start keeping your real self hidden away? And when did you realize that it wasn’t working, that it was taking you to a place you never wanted to go?
I had the privilege of reading an advance copy of You Don’t Owe Anyone, and here’s my take: Books like this do not come along every day. And I’m not the only one who thinks so. To quote just one of the luminaries who have endorsed it:
“For too many people, the road to burnout is paved with good intentions. In this book, Caroline McGraw offers useful guidance for how to help others without hurting yourself. Think of it as a self care manual for the caring.”
– Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and Give and Take, and host of the TED podcast WorkLife
I would read just about anything Adam Grant endorsed.:)
To celebrate the book’s launch, Caroline has created a super-generous preorder bonus package. When you preorder You Don’t Owe Anyone today, you’ll also receive lifetime access to a tremendous virtual library with over 100 expert interviews and valuable resources, including …
The Confidence Course Series – $197 value
The Clarity Course Series – $346 value
Clear Confident You – $197 value
The Make It Matter Series – $149 value
The Pursue Your Path Series – $197 value
Bonus interviews with Caroline – $111 value
You Don’t Owe Anyone Coaching Guidebook – $97 value
That’s $1294 worth of limited-time bonuses, all yours for free when you preorder You Don’t Owe Anyone. The list price of the book? $17.99.
That said, you don’t owe it to me, or to anyone else, to read this book. It’s 100% your call. But if you take a moment to pause and listen, you may decide that you owe it to your future self …
The one who snapped to attention when you heard the book’s title.
The one nudging you to be brave and follow your curiosity.
The one you are becoming.
Preorder now: https://awishcomeclear.com/YouDontOweAnyone
I think you are going to love this,