A sweet man recently asked if it was necessary for my partner to be an introvert. I had to think about it. Right after my marriage ended I swore I would never be in a longterm relationship with an extrovert again.
They just don’t get me.
We can’t connect deeply and spiritually.
But… in the last few months I’ve craved the company of an extrovert or at least an ambivert (individual in the middle of the introvert/extrovert spectrum) for the following reasons:
1. I miss riding the high energy wave. I like to be entertained occasionally. Extroverts are fun. They are outgoing! As much as we like to begrudge them their damn gregariousness, who doesn’t like someone exuding energy and barely contained laughter?
My ideal INFJ relationship match is an ENFP or ENTP (although INTJs are strong candidates as well). Why are they ideal you ask? According to MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) studies, they compensate for my introverted and judging traits. Now before you get your subtle panties in a twist wondering why I need any kind of compensation for my temperament, just ponder the image of me hosting a dinner party for 6-8 people. I like small gatherings and I consider this a manageable size but it sure would be nice to have someone offering drinks while my perfectionist and overly conscientious-self goes over final details and takes deep breaths in the kitchen. Imagine walking out into a room full of guests already warmed up by a bubbling co-host. Aaaah ease and fun.:) Yes, social introverts can do this too (I consider myself a social introvert) but extroverts are the original, natural, gatherers and hosts.
2.Extroverts get things done: I read this rather annoying and brash post about how annoying and insipid introverts are, and came away with one point of agreement. Extroverts get things done. They are action oriented. We are thought oriented. They commit to projects and make them happen. I personally, futz around for eons before getting down to the work and even then I take forever because of my deliberateness. Extroverts are the proverbial ‘busy persons’ we are supposed to ask if we want something done. My extroverted friends plan themed parties, head up committees and drop everything to help me pick out paint. They support me in ways beyond lip service. They offer to help move, clean and create and then follow through with their offer. They are not exhausted by action. They dig it. I’m so jealous but also grateful.
Extroverts inspire me to get moving. Left to my own devices I would play on the internet all day or read or watch movies. Extroverts say, “Oooh let’s go see what’s happening there tonight” or “Should we go for a hike?”
3. Extroverts want company: It’s heavenly to feel wanted. I like it when he confidently makes the first move. It’s a glorious feeling to know someone is happy to see you. To know someone is looking forward to your presence. It’s usually fairly easy to tell if an extrovert likes you. They light up when you walk in. They move closer to you. They let you know with obvious attention like flirting, touching and consistent communication. They ask you to do things, sometimes weeks in advance. With an introvert it’s sometimes difficult to tell if they would rather stay in by themselves or spend the evening with you. I know because I’m an introvert. I sometimes want to stay in by myself.
4. Extroverts promote, support and stick up for you: I am eternally grateful to my extroverted friends who greet me at a party and introduce me around. They ask me questions and draw me out. They unabashedly promote my writing.
There is something deeply comforting about someone outwardly supporting you.
I remember my dad backing up my step-mom when it came to her parenting/discipline decisions. He would stand beside her or even behind her and tell us kids to listen because she knows what she is talking about. I always wanted my husband to say that.
My introverted friends provide boatloads of support but it is mostly in private and quietly. It is my way as well so I am not putting introverts down. It takes a lot of introvert energy to actively help friends. We are judicious about where our energy is expended. We are fantastic support. We just have to ration it.
5. Extroverts shield you from the bullish*t. They aren’t as averse to small talk. They talk to and negotiate with sales people. They take the social hit for you. They see it as engaging with others when we see it as disruptive, meaningless or confrontational. I would rather wait and jump in when the conversation gets meaty but an extrovert will eagerly jump in and swim in the lake of interaction.
Haven’t forgotten my introvert tribe
Remember, I primarily identify as an introvert. I’m like a minority poking fun at her ethnicity but knowing her core values stem from her people. I simply recognize (after a million hours of contemplation) what I occasionally want and need.
As I wrote this post, introverted loved ones who are quite capable of extroverting, came to mind. I know introverts are strong powerhouses and have adapted to an extroverted culture. They buzz with energy, get things done, promote, support, chat and desire company. I’ve experienced amazing friendships and work relationships with both introverts and extroverts.
In love, I’ve fallen the hardest and deepest for introverts. The emotional intimacy and lifestyle recognition is incredible with a fellow introvert. An innie/outie relationship requires a lot of open and honest explaining. Extroverts most likely won’t “get” the critical aspects of alone time. They’ll feel rejected and I’ll have to show them all of my posts on space2live.;)
Perhaps an ambivert is ideal…
Is it hard to admit you would like an extrovert around some days to shore up where you fall short? What can you do that would be difficult for an extrovert to manage?
**The individuals in a relationship bring different gifts to the table. Couples work best when they come together as whole people not as unfinished beings who need someone else to fill in where they fall short. The intention of this post is to simply state what is beautiful about extroverts.**
- Introvert Relationships: Love Me or Leave Me But Please Don’t Need Me (Too Much) (space2live)
- To Be Perfectly Honest: Introvert Vs. Extrovert (rishimurugesan.wordpress.com)
- The Engaging Introvert: Socializing Admirably with Exes, Extroverts and Complete Strangers (space2live)
- How to Be Lively Energetic and Vibrant When Your True Nature is Thoughtful, Introverted and Reticent – space2live
- I still need my extroverts (lifeinthegap.wordpress.com)