We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements
of life.  All that we need to make us happy
is something to be enthusiastic about.     Albert Einstein

My impression of minimalism has evolved from a bare bones decorating style to a passionately simple way of living. Minimalism to me used to be my former boss’s desk.  Mr. P’s desk never had anything on top of it unless he was sitting in front of it.  When he left his office even the phone was put in a drawer.  All surfaces were left open and bare, just begging for a pile of magazines or a chotchkie.  It may sound like this emptiness leaves me cold, but truthfully I see the value in coming to a clean slate every day, much like coming to a blank page in writing.  But for Mr. P., the slick empty surface was a display of control. I’m sure his assistant had strict orders to maintain the barren appearance of the office.  Beyond his office Mr. P. was not what I would today call a minimalist.  He was a large consumer of luxury items (busses, motorcycles, artwork, mistresses).  He had passion for his work but it was equal to or surpassed by his hunger for wealth and power.  In the years (almost twenty) since I worked for Mr. P.’s company I have learned that less is more, not just in desk top tidiness but in the number of relationships I maintain, the number of commitments I juggle and the number of things I own. I’ve learned the less I have the more time I have for what I love.

How do I keep my relationships, commitments and possessions to a minimum?  I say No a lot, but in the kindest, gentlest way.:)  See below for some of my other methods of stripping down to bare necessities.

 

Relationships

 

The relationships under my own roof are sacred.  They are the most intense and the most work.  I love my husband and my children fiercely. Their four hearts are my first concern even when my own has to be set aside.  There is no way around this.  I’ve tried.  It’s instinctual. I’m centered when my home is calm.

I’ve found an authentic minimalist (not a Mr. P.) in Leo Babauta creator of Zen Habits (mindful website with tag line –smile, breathe and go slowly). In his post Surround Yourself with Passionate People Leo says, Minimalism is about giving up consumption in favor of doing things you’re passionate about and having real relationships with a few people you really value.  I have passions and I’m an introvert so this works for me. I have never been one to collect acquaintances.  I can only hold up my end of so many relationships.  Too many, and all I do is buy birthday cards, host reciprocating parties and burn out. The word networking gives me the willies.  Someone once said I only network with people I like.  That makes sense to me.

I adore Facebook but use it as a reward.  If I finish with priorities (family, exercise, writing) I dig in for a good romp on Facebook.  I try not to go so long between fb visits that I binge like a starving man on Little Debbies and lose two hours without knowing it.  A couple of 20-30 minute sessions a day keeps me satisfied and up to date.  I love connecting with all of my significant others in one place.  And yes, I like them all.

I strive to surround myself with passionate people.  They come in all walks of life: artists, stay-at-home moms, writers, house cleaners, old, young, friends, relatives.  If I see a twinkle in their eye, I want them around me.  I don’t make room for nay sayers and energy vampires.  I prefer people who get past small-talk. My dearest loved ones can big talk.  No one is fascinating 24/7.  I would fall into the hopelessly dull category if that were a requirement but I love people who get inspired by books, music, movies, nature, food, fitness and everyday living.  Inspired people are inspiring.  I also find a comfortable silence to be a wonderful gift.  Being in the same room with someone and not feeling the need to chat is a relief. I treasure those who can just BE. If I could host a dream party it would end around 2AM with everyone lying on the grass in our backyard, heads together, legs out, making a human daisy. Our eyes drawn to the stars, our ears drawn to silence but our hearts open to each other’s stories.  I know and accept this is NOT everyone’s cup of tea, therefore the guest lists are easily winnowed down.

 

Commitments

 

As I said above, I say No a lot.  My litmus test for choosing commitments is whether or not they’re meaningful to me.  I try very hard to avoid obligations that don’t serve any purpose other than face time.  I need time to myself more than I need public recognition.

I used to feel obligated to volunteer in each of my kids’ classrooms weekly.  Not anymore.  I pick and choose carefully based on what I feel drawn to.  I teach Partners in Art because I love learning and teaching about different artists.  I get to spend time in the classroom and spread inspiration.  I help with Fitness Testing because I believe in health education and physical well-being.  I avoid being on the PTA because I know I am not good at organizing and school politics.  I would be a horrible carnival planner, fundraising chair or treasurer.  I would dread every meeting.  My kids whine occasionally about how much less time I spend at school than so and so’s mom.  I feel a little guilty but because what I choose is meaningful I don’t do it half-assed or half-hearted.  I’m fully present. I enjoy the children and the activity. I’m sure the interest shows in my energy.  I hope my kids see and understand my choices and learn to pick their own commitments based on what they cherish rather than what is expected.

Sometimes, even my meaningful commitments need to be reduced.  In the case of my Guardian Ad Litem work, I recently decided to put it on hold in order to spend more time with family and writing.  I couldn’t juggle everything and be fully functional.  I was running through the motions and feeling overwhelmed.  I was approaching half-assed. Interestingly enough, once I decided to take a hiatus from GAL other opportunities to help the program came up.  I was asked to submit a poem to possibly be used for public awareness and I was asked to be on a panel to answer questions from new Guardians.  Both of these opportunities really spoke to me.

 

Possessions

 

Henry David Thoreau said, I also have in mind that seemingly wealthy, but most terribly impoverished class of all, who have accumulated dross, but know not how to use it, or get rid of it, and thus have forged their own golden or silver fetters (shackles).  I finally get that.  I have a house full of possessions.  Very often I feel like they possess me.  I can’t find anything because it’s lost among all the other things I own.  I have to maintain everything.  I am a slave to repairmen’s schedules.  This winter we had seven visits from repairmen to fix our refrigerator.  I almost went postal on General Electric. I long to reduce my possessions and be free.

In an effort to minimize my dross, I spent an afternoon going through my closet getting rid of clothes.  For every article of clothing I asked myself Do you feel beautiful in this?  Some things I deemed trendy three years ago, and pitched; some things I know I glow in, and saved.  Some things were less obvious so I determined their fate based on how comfortable they are.

I have become a clutter Ninja.  Under cover of night I silently take out school artwork and last week’s spelling tests.  My weapons of choice, my bare hands and the recycle bin. I only grant mercy to very, very meaningful creations.  Of course, there are times when the kids discover their artistic treasures in the recycling bin.  I’m not above playing confused as to how it got there.  I pull it out and wait a week or two before recycling it…again.

I would never say my children are deprived but we make them spend their own money on most toys beyond birthday and holiday gifts. We are starting to see space opening up in the play/junk room.  Hallelujah!  Now if I could just convince parents to stop providing party favor bags at birthday celebrations.  If I had a dollar for every bouncy ball and squishy pet I’ve picked up/thrown away…

I admit we spend money on traveling.  I have a sticky note above my computer that says, Spend freely on meaningful experiences. Even when traveling we rarely buy souvenirs.  Photos and a travel journal are enough to preserve the memories.

As Albert Einstein said luxury and comfort are not the chief requirements in life.  We just need something to be enthusiastic about.  I combine this with the idea that relationships and experiences are all that really matter in life (see How Coffee Splits My Personality) and come to the conclusion that if you’re passionate about something or someone, include it or them in your list of things you can’t live without.  Be choosy.  Like Mr. P, I create space to do the work that makes me feel alive, but unlike him I don’t gather people or things to be powerful.  The way I live is a far cry from a monk’s existence but I have discovered the freedom in minimizing clutter and gathering what is meaningful.

 

What could you let go?  What is meaningful and worth keeping?

 

 If you don’t know what you want,” the doorman said, “you end up with a lot you don’t.” ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

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