I was listening to several ladies gab on the radio the other day. Yes, I’m old and listen to talk radio. An older lady said she had a male friend who wanted to celebrate Father’s Day by golfing by himself. A younger female said she thought that was wrong and that Father’s Day is supposed to be spent with family. It is the one day especially meant for a father to be with his kids. I see two camps here. Camp one thinks the individual should be able to determine how and with whom they spend their special day. Camp two sees Father’s Day as a family event, period. These divergent philosophies could apply to Mother’s Day and birthdays as well. It’s the age-old question, do we look at the individual or the group as a whole? Should we be subjective or objective? 
What does an introvert want on their special day?
How does an introvert prefer to spend his or her holiday? The obvious guess would be alone or with a small group but we are all different so we cannot assume that is the answer for all introverts. In the above scenario, I personally believe the dad should be allowed to golf and relax however he chooses on Father’s Day. He is a father 364 other days a year (if he is a stand-up kind of guy). He should connect with his kids at some point to allow for a gift/card/hug exchange and a few words of appreciation but then he is free to do as he pleases which may mean hanging out with the family all day. But if a person seriously wants or needs time to themselves is that acceptable? I think many would say no. To them, solitude is selfish. Why would anyone want to spend time away from family?
Selfish or self-care?
This line of thinking has left introverts feeling guilty or ashamed for years. We must be missing a loving/caring component if we choose time to ourselves over time with others. Could it be possible that we know ourselves and how to administer self-care in order to be the best people we can be? Perhaps time alone makes us better partners and parents. Perhaps it is not selfish to request time away from family but self-ful, as in filling ourselves up so that we have the energy to offer our love freely. Of course, if a person is absent the majority of the time anyway then choosing time apart from family on celebration days is no surprise. These are not the people I am referring to here. I have a friend who has been disappointed many a Mother’s Day. This year her husband told her he was going to go fishing and leave her with their youngest son on Mother’s Day. He also told her he would take her out for dinner with his mother later to celebrate. Her husband never asked what she would like to do on her day. He actually thought he was being magnanimous for taking her out to an expensive restaurant (a favorite of his) for dinner. Fortunately, she is strong and expressive enough to speak up when she needs to be heard. She let him know that she wanted to shop and get a haircut that day so he should take both sons with him on the fishing venture. He grumbled, but did it. My friend still endured a forced dinner with extended family but at least she had re-charge time during the day.
What would your ideal Father’s/Mother’s/Birth Day look like? Do you do what you want or what everyone else wants?
As an introverted daughter of an extremely introverted dad – here’s what I did. Drove down to see him and the family, stayed for three days — and yesterday we handed him a card in the morning and drove home, leaving him the rest of the day for himself. It’s easy for me to figure out what he wants because I feel the same way. With my extroverted mother- not so easy.
I love it! I’m sure your dad truly appreciated his Father’s Day. Let me know if you figure out a way to celebrate extroverted family members.;)
“Why would anyone want to spend time away from family?” I actually laughed out loud when I read that 🙂 Sometimes family is the worst for demanding attention and then not appreciating it (read: your friend with the “magnanimous” husband). Years ago, before most mothers re-entered the workforce, Moms appreciated spending Mothers’ Day alone because they would spend every other waking moment with their kids, and Dads liked to spend Fathers’ Day with the kids because they rarely did so at other times. Not so anymore.
I used to spend my birthday alone as a treat. I still do sometimes, but usually there’s something going on that just *has* to be dealt with, so I end up with a few nice hours, but rarely a full day. But that’s okay. What I don’t want, never wanted, was some big noisy party where everyone had a good time, except me, because I was too busy looking for the door!
Now I feel fortunate to be able to spend time alone or spend time with family whenever I want. I’ve earned that. The older I get, and the older my kids get, the less important “special” days like Mothers’ Day or Fathers’ Day or my birthday are. They’re just days, and if I want to see my mom or kids, or anyone else, I don’t need a “holiday” as an excuse.
That’s an interesting point LB about Mother’s Days and Father’s Days of old when most moms stayed home and dads went to work. You’re right. Dads spent time with the kids on Father’s Day because they were at work most other days.
I’m glad you are at a place in life when you can choose whether or not to spend time with family. Sounds like a lovely freedom. Thanks for your thoughtful comment.:)
I Love 2500 miles away from my parents. I celebrate Mothers’ Day, Father’s Day, and birthdays all the same way – with a phone call.
Well, that keeps it simple. I like it! I still send gifts and call. Your way is appealing.:)
I can sympathize with both points of view, but I think it’s understandable for an introvert parent with children at home to want the gift of solitude, and a parent with adult children to want time together.Years ago I realized that Mother’s Day wasn’t all that relaxing for me, as a SAHM, since it consisted of both a family brunch with my mom and a family dinner with my mother-in-law. Very pleasant but a surfeit of driving and socializing. I therefore scooted up my Mother’s Day to the day before. My family gives me “quiet time” in the early morning, so I am refreshed and able to enjoy the delightful breakfast my sons cook up. Then I open my cards and gifts and we spend a nice day together. I do this, rather than opting for a day to myself, so we will have the happy family memories and traditions of Mother’s Day. I arrange a day to myself now and then at other times.
I love your solutions! Celebrating in your own way a day early is perfect. Your official Mother’s Day sounds like a lot of running around with little time to savor your honoring. I understand how that happens though. Even when you are a mother you still have to celebrate the other maternal figures in your life. It will be interesting to see how it goes when my children are adults. Thanks for your insight.:)