I apologize for being hit or miss with my post delivery lately. Those of you subscribed to the blog may have noticed you did not receive a new post last week. I have had technical difficulties with publicizing my writing this whole year. It has been highly frustrating. No one seems to know how to fix it permanently. I have someone new working on the problem right now. My hope is that it is all running smoothly by tomorrow at publish time. Fingers crossed.

New job

In other news, I started a new job this week. I am now working permanently as a special education paraprofessional at our local high school. I was a substitute paraprofessional for three years, but decided to take the gig full time. I love it!

I truly enjoy working with teenagers in the school environment. The kids are great and have such unique perspectives. I work with students with physical impairments, not cognitive. Sitting in class with them allows me to see things through their eyes and abilities. I also get to learn new things like AP Calculus and Chemistry. I always liked school. Now I get to go there without the pressure and homework.

I plan to keep up with my weekly writing for brendaknowles.com/space2live and my coaching work. My current thinking is that I can juggle all three lines of work, plus run a household with my husband.

Things are getting easier

Our home life slowed down recently. Mark’s oldest son moved out a few weeks ago and my oldest son went back to school out East. We are down to three kids — two of them only here half the time. As much as I love all the kids, it is definitely easier to manage fewer of them. I often feel like I am letting someone down when I try to cover everyone’s needs, especially when there are seven people in the house. Remember when I used to complain about having three kids home for the summer?!?

Structure yay!

The structure of work and school is a welcome blessing to me. I LOVE STRUCTURE. Someone said structure liberates and I agree. Our house had so many comings and goings over the summer. We had no rhythm. This set every one of my nerves on edge. I never knew how many people would be here for dinner. We could not lock the door at night because there was always someone out late. Predictability comforts. I need it.

It has helped having Mark here full time. His loving ways and assistance make things OK. There are still heated moments and tears but we work/fight through them. We try to keep in mind that we are each other’s best teammate.

Regulating after being dysregulated

For my part, I am working on decreasing my reactions. I want to stop resisting things so strongly. With all of the change over the last six months, my nervous system is primed. I’m working on soothing it with practices that entail loving myself (even my angry, irritated, sad, judgmental self) and letting go of the fight.

Being away for the day at work, has really helped me reduce the obsessing and ruminating about relationships and household tasks. I get to be present with my job at the school. It feels like an emotional rest. It’s lovely.

I plan to write a more formal and organized post next week but this week got away from me. I hope you enjoyed the personal update.

Take care all. I appreciate you and the space here for me to share.