Dinner lasted four hours, going through two waitresses, countless water fill-ups and a Chapstick re-application. Even as we stood up to leave the conversation didn’t dwindle. Our ideas and perspectives flowing from our mouths and minds with the effortlessness of breathing. Two intuitives igniting each other in the most collaborative sexy way. I am turned on.
This is my ideal date. The two-way current of communication and attraction is so easy — energy increases rather than depletes. An introvert’s dream.
I’ve been on dates where conversation halts after kid and work stories are shared. We can’t catch a rhythm. Communication is practical (ugh) and fragmented. I fumble around, taking frequent sips of my drink and leaning back in my seat pretending to be comfortable in the silence. I feel inadequate and the opposite of a sparkling conversationalist. A dating nightmare.
What makes the difference?
In my case, intuition. I believe intuition makes it extraordinary. As an INFP (Myers Briggs – Intuitive Intuition Feeling Perception), intuition is the process I use to take in information.
Intuition is a knowing without knowing how you know. It’s ideas, possibilities, big picture and future oriented. Innovators, dreamers, artists, writers and empaths belong to the intuitive club. So do many other types but these individuals gravitate toward the world of associations and unconscious connecting. A place where creativity is enhanced. Between intuitives there is a mutual relating. Mental associations cross-breed creating magnificent hybrids that inspire the other. The ability to feed off of each other’s intuitive expressions is meaningful and nourishing brainstorming. It’s electric and intoxicating.
A key element to compatibility
According to Isabel Briggs Myers’ book, Gifts Differing a study of 375 married couples in the 1950s showed that the way each individual in a marriage takes in or sees information (their perception process) is the most likely function to have in common. People look (mostly unconsciously) for mates who take in the world as they do.
The options for perception being:
1. Through their senses, based on reality, now and facts.
2. Through their intuition, based on associations, the future and ideas.
We all use sensing and intuition ever day, but one is usually preferred or more dominant (just like introversion and extroversion).
Do people who prefer sensing have the same sparks-flying kind of conversations? I can’t answer that, but I imagine they do based on relating and mutual sensual appreciation. They just have more experiential and fact-based discussions.
Are introverts more intuitive?
According to Sophy Burnham bestselling author of The Art of Intuition, intuitive people are often introverted. Intuition is largely unconscious. We, go with our gut or have a hunch, without knowing why.
Introverts draw energy from our inner worlds of ideas, impressions and emotions. Introverts have more opportunity to tap into the unconscious because we have a natural inclination to spend time in solitude (which is a superb place to access our inner world). Idleness, thoughtfulness and alone time allow the unconscious to surface to consciousness.
We are observers of life. We don’t have to be the center of the action. We prefer to be on the sidelines, paying attention to everything. This gives us the ability to see coincidences and take note. Intuition speaks to us through coincidences and connections. Intuitive people listen to their inner voice rather than ignore it. As keen observers we develop something called, accurate empathy which is a deep connection with others, so much so that we can put ourselves in their shoes with surprising precision.
Busy-ness kills intuition
The introverted aversion to constant stimulation, busy-ness and multi-tasking serves us well when it comes to hearing our intuition. If we aren’t thoughtfully focusing or we spend too much time racing from one task to another, then we will never notice the soft and even insistent voice of intuition speaking to us. Constant running around doesn’t leave any space for intuition to slip in. It’s blocked by constant doing. An introvert’s penchant for slowing down welcomes intuition’s breathy voice.
Ego interrupts intuition. – Danielle LaPorte
When stressed or feeling insecure I focus on details, correctness and dark emotions. Details and big emotions choke intuition. My mind floods with worry and intuition perishes. Disconnection from intuition leaves me with a flat lifeless feeling. No spark.
I have a friend who doesn’t like me to offer suggestions or possibilities when she is feeling down. She simply wants a listening ear. I often feel like she is stewing in her own frustrations, disconnected from her intuition which could give her fresh possibilities and potential future happiness. Because of accurate empathy I feel her sadness but because of her shutting down of my intuitive ideas I have no outlet to help her. We both end up frustrated.
I’ve learned to trust my instincts when it comes to dating. I have found that readers, writers, movie/TV buffs and story lovers have the most potential for intuitive collaboration and mind-blowing conversations.
I’ve learned a mutual intuitive relatability is mind-blowing in other realms as well, such as in the bedroom. Intuitives tend to make leaps in understanding rather than moving logically step by step to a conclusion. We take a bit of information and run with it. We don’t need detailed instructions. Do you see where I’m going with this?;)
If a man can’t see the beauty in dreaming, spending time in quiet or following his passion then we most likely aren’t intuitively or introspectively compatible.
How intuitive are you? Do you see possibilities or details? How do you access your intuition? Have you experienced the miracle of expansive, nourishing conversations that could go on for hours?
If you loved, Turned on by Intuition…, you may also love:
10 Things Highly Intuitive People Do Differently (Huffington Post)