For you! A guest post from sensitive, sensual and expressive introvert writer, Michaela Chung of IntrovertSpring.com. Michaela is a kindred spirit. I trust you will see yourselves in her words. I know I do.
The Daydreamy Introvert’s Approach to Love
While others let their fantasies die with childhood, the daydreamy introvert keeps them very much alive. Nowhere is this more true than in the realm of love and relationships. Our approach to romance is heavily influenced by our hidden worlds of depth, emotion and imagination.
What lies beneath
“My world is about FEELings. Sometimes, these feelings run so deep I fear I will drown.” – Jaeda DeWalt
Many introverts shield a wealth of passion and emotion beneath the calm, stoic face we present to the outside world. Others would be surprised to learn that we feel things so deeply. They assume quiet lips mean quiet minds and hearts. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.
We introverts are accustomed to living inside our head. We are introspective daydreamers with an imagination that reaches the sky. And we like it that we. We don’t want to ‘get our head out of the clouds’. The worlds we create in our mind are too enticing to deny – especially the ones rooted in romance.
Many (and I’m very tempted to say “most”) of the greatest songwriters, poets and novelists of all time were introverts. For these sensitive, feeling introverts, emotion was a form of currency.
Romance seemed to course through their veins and pour out onto the page. Their intensity of emotion and passion was palpable in their work. Yet, in person they likely came off as reserved and serious – at least, to most people.
VIP access to secret worlds
“I’m not open to many people. I’m usually quiet and I don’t really like attention. So if I like you enough to show you the real me. You must be very special.” – Unknown
Introverts usually reserve our love and depth of emotion for a select few. We tend to be slow to trust, but fiercely loyal once we are committed. Acquaintances may describe us as serious or emotionless, while our lovers see us for what we really are: sensitive, nurturing, sensual, wild and/or intense.
When someone has my heart, they have my whole heart. Along with entrance into my heart, the person I love also has VIP access to my innermost thoughts, feelings, ideas and dreams.
It may appear that I give freely, but in truth, there is a price for my love; I expect full, unwavering loyalty. I know that my inner world is a valuable landscape, so I refuse to devalue it by letting just anyone in.
The search for “the one”
“I was always reaching for love, but it turns out love doesn’t involve reaching. I was always dreaming of the big love, the ultimate love, the love that would sweep me off my feet or break open the hard shell of my lesser self.” – Eve Ensler
As a sensitive, feeling, hopelessly romantic introvert, I tend to identify with Anais Nin’s unconventional view on relationships:
“I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic – in the sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself. “
My overly active imagination has often led to very vivid fantasies about my ideal relationship. My desire for ecstasy can easily loosen my foothold on reality and launch me headfirst into a world of my own creation. The challenge becomes finding the human embodiment of my fantasies. This is no small task.
This raises the question: should we wait for that perfect someone of our dreams, or settle for a less rose-colored reality? Does “the one” really exist, or are we being unrealistic?
As a single woman pushing thirty, I struggle with the above questions on a regular basis. Admittedly, I don’t have all the answers. What I do know for sure is that fantasies absolutely can come true. I’ve met more than one Prince Charming in scenarios that could have been clipped from a fairytale. And yet, I still felt like something was missing. On the other hand, I’ve experienced deep and fulfilling connections with men who seemed to be very different from my dream partner.
I’m discovering that the form of the fantasy is less important than the feeling. Our prince could show up on a white horse or a tired donkey. What matters most is how we feel when he arrives.
What are your thoughts on fantasy vs. reality in the search for love?
How does your public persona differ from who you are in private, in relationships and in love?
Who are you beneath the surface and between the sheets?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Michaela Chung is a writer, world traveler, and lover of all things creative. She is the creator of IntrovertSpring.com, a website that helps introverts quietly revolutionize the way they see themselves. Her Myers-Briggs personality type is INFP. Read her personal manifesto here.
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