Hello Everyone! I hope you’re experiencing sunshine on your shoulders and mid-summer breezes. I’m living and working casually this summer. My world is full of people lately — old friends, close family, new dates, new mentors and fascinating clients. My introverted soul is up and down with energy, but mostly up. I feel a sense of calm and good.
In the spirit of ease and sunny-ness, my post this week is a list. I didn’t do a lot of research for this. I am not corralling my thoughts into a cohesive narrative. I’m giving you partially processed thoughts and ideas to ponder, as I am.
This week’s things that make me go hmmm?
- I experienced an evening by myself that felt lonely and uncomfortable. I am usually good by myself but I think I reached my threshold of aloneness tolerance. My kids were with their dad two weekends in a row. Despite dates, friend time, ample books to read and work to do, I was at a loss of what to do to make myself feel good. I hadn’t ever fully hit that spot before. I also noticed I was not motivated to work during this time. I felt kind of paralyzed.
- This time around in the dating scene, I’m pointedly adjusting my focus toward Beta males. I’m looking for emotional availability and empathy. I’ve found it in a couple of men, but the physical chemistry is missing.
- Over the last few months, I have developed several platonic relationships with men and women in their 60s or older. All of them approached me and welcomed me (into church, out to lunch). I have had the most enriching conversations with them. I like the feeling of having elders in my life.
- I go into each first date more worried about whether I’ll like them than if they’ll like me. Not sure if that is conceited or mature.
- After listening to PsyD, couples therapist, Stan Tatkin, on Jayson Gaddis’s podcast, I’m considering what kind of relationship I can have with someone as much as I’m considering who they are.
- I’m working on seeing what is versus forecasting and using my introverted intuition (Ni) to predict outcomes based on pattern recognition. In online dating, I’ve noticed I’ll read someone’s profile and if they say, for example, they are a vegetarian, my mind starts spinning a story for them. They’re going to be thin and smaller boned than me, they will leave all the planning up to me, they will be frustrated and disappointed if I use plastic water bottles. I am consciously stopping myself and making myself look at the actual behavior and responses exhibited. This is hard. My intuition has been fairly accurate in the past, or did I create a self-fulfilling prophesy situation?
What do these thoughts bring up in you? If any of these topics interest you and you’d like me to expand on them, let me know in the comments. I’m open to further exploration.
Sending you much love and warmth,