It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. The main strength of this study is that it provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. 2014; 8-10. For Lillian Makhubalo* it was like a blow to the heart. Can expand your gene pool. Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. Stanford University Press. Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. I never expected to be a second wife. But honestly, if your significant other has already had a wedding, who cares? Of importance is the need to disseminate the findings of studies like this one to those who are in a position to make change a reality. Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. 6. Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. Another common stereotype that is associated with females is to give birth to only female children which increasing the ratio of female infanticide because some men are in favor of only male children. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. The outcomes of polygamous marriages have also been seen. Also, if your husband has financial problems, he had no right to marry you in the first place. She told she was also present during the delivery. The first theme was generated from the verbatim of the first question which was asked to polygamous women. 2015; 12(3): 267-289. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. When people. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. In some Middle Eastern countries, polygamy is regulated and the second, third or fourth wife, has legal rights. Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. What Is Marriage Coaching? Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. Being a step-parent can be a very . She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Women also support their men for polygamy if they are facing infertility to secure their marriage instead of divorce [4]. The interviews were verified for accuracy and consistency by listening to the recordings. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. An analysis of 11 cases of polygamous women transcribed verbatim showed a cluster of themes as infertility or having only female children, love marriage of husband, family pressure, the relationships among co-wives, and their coping strategies to accept this relationship in their marital life. Makes sense if there is no balance between males and females in a region. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. Its like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. And reassure her of your love. They found his second wife together a woman who was a regular on one of his taxi routes. It could have been the man's problem too. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. 1. Even if children are more or less accepting, the ex more than likely wont be ok with the new person in their childs life. Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Islam allows men to marry up to four wives at one time but the condition is to maintain equality and Justice in all the possession whatever a man holds in material means [1]. Yet we make as felicitous a stepfamily as you are likely to find. Table 2: Frequency of co-wives for jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness and sharing household chores as consequences of polygamous marriages (N=11). Most women dreaming of settling down probably aren't imagining doing so with a man who is already married. In another study man's wife having been diagnosed with a mental health problem, infertility, a man has only daughters or having children mentally and physically sick or man's wife older than he is, and exchange marriage are common reasons were discussed in a previous study. 4. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. Mrs. Amir was the 2nd wife and also had no children her husband married her for children and his family again forced him for 3rd wife by giving the reference of the religious doctrine. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. What's popular and why. It doesnt mean that it wont last. She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. Can I marry second wife? Your spouse has lost their first wife either to divorce or death, both of which bring immense, albeit very different, pain and coping mechanisms. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. She said, "Emotions change with priorities". There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. 2. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . It can be a challenge if wounds from old relationships arent quite healed. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. Exploring the mediation effects of anger rumination and willingness to forgive on the association between self-compassion and romantic jealousy. Appointments were previously taken and the interviews were conducted at their places for their convenience. Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. She was in severe depression after this trauma. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. Life as a co-wife wasn't easy for Cecilia; she started being mistreated by the second wife. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. The positive side of the study is to explore the advantages and strategies used by polygamous women were very significant. It is an option. She had only one daughter. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. Wed both been married before, but does that really matter? Why is it higher the second time around? In the long run, it is usually the second wife who is accepting of polygamy. Data collection from the participants may have been affected by differences in age, years, and rank in marriage, educational level, and religious faiths. Eleven women participated in the study. She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. When even used-car dealers dont regard themselves as purveyors of second-hand merchandise, when second-hand clothes stores are now consignment shops, why should I stick with the second-wife moniker? In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. In 1994, the Haryana Panchayati Raj Act disallowed people with more than two children from contesting local elections. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality. Islam allows for a man to marry up to 4 wives rather illegal relationship. 2 Meet other future spouses. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. A few years ago, her mother was killed in a car accident. Istanbul, Turkey. His family says it was unaware of any "second.