No president has done right by us. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. Theyre not interested in that. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. I have major psychotic f**king hatreds. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. Thats against their interests. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. Well what if I don't want to? You and I are not in The Big Club. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. ", 29. I say: 'No no no,' because that really would be the kiss of death," Carlin said in his final interview before his death in 2008. - George Carlin. No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. They own everything. Learn how your comment data is processed. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. After that, they dont wanna know about you. ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. The great George Carlin once said in an interview that he divorced himself from concerns and problems from the world. Yeah, the public sucks. ", 103. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. You have no choice. ", 100. "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. 234. After that, they don't wanna know about you. You caused the problem. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. ""You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Whenever some boomer try's to lecture you about how their first job in the 60s they only made $3 an hour, just remember, $3 in 1969 had the equivalent buying power as $25.01 today. I'm f**kin' serious! Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. ", 39. You dont. No nothing. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. You will be notified via email when a new post is published. StackAdapt sets this cookie as a Random Identifier for user identification, to display relevant advertisements. This information is then used to select advertisements delivered by the platform and measure the performance of the advretisement and attribute their payments. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. "Some people see the glass half full. The 2023 theme was "cooperation in a fragmented world," with WEF noting, "The world today is at a critical inflection point. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. ""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. "I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. ", 64. The 1996 clip is being passed around on social media after this week's Supreme Court news. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. "The planet is fine. You have no choice. They should be giving their money to you. 28. r/antiwork. They're all in favor of the unborn. I don't like cats. ", 69. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. They never mention that part to us, do they? What if I want to have a crappy day? They own you. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. Broadly speaking. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". ", 92. ", 79. ", 26. Enter your email address to follow Motley News. As politicians and social media commentators weighed in on . They own, and control the corporation. They dont fall out of the sky. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. ", 88. 3. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. You have owners. This cookie is associated with Django web development platform for python. The late comedian often times poked fun at religion, politics, and social justice. "Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Teach them to question everything. Bluekai uses this cookie to build an anonymous user profile with data like the user's online behaviour and interests. Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. 42. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' They should be more vivid. The ID is used for targeted ads. I'm a cowboy who . In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. ", 67. Cloudflare sets this cookie to improve page load times and to disallow any security restrictions based on the visitor's IP address. If a dog can do it, you can watch. ", 46. ", 18. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! "Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. "Bulls**t is truly the American soundtrack. "We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, Back In Town, Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. You show a clip of a young Richard Pryor and a young George Carlin on the set together with John Davidson. And if they tell you youre not a team player, congratulate them on being observant. George Carlin. Owned by agkn, this cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes. "Would a fly without wings be called a walk? This helps to distinguish between new, returning, and loyal visitors. Vimeo installs this cookie to collect tracking information by setting a unique ID to embed videos to the website. This cookie store anonymous user idnetifier to determine whether a visitor had visited before, or if its a new visit. they don't wanna know about you. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. ", 111. Set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin, this cookie is used to record the user consent for the cookies in the "Advertisement" category . ", 22. When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. "Never argue with an idiot. That doesnt help them. You don't. You have no choice. A Death! - George Carlin. "Everyone smiles in the same language. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. ", Want more great quotes? "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. ", 42. "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. School officials told the couple that they present an inherent harm to kids.. ", 48. They own everything. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. ", 8. And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. 'He's two' will do just fine. "So, have a little fun. The test_cookie is set by doubleclick.net and is used to determine if the user's browser supports cookies. "A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. September 12, 2019. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. ""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? ", 108. ", 60. They own you. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. I think the life cycle is all backwards. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. ", 76. Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. Which doesn't make any sense at all. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. "Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. That is against their interests. "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. ", 115. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a. George Carlin. If you think too much, you will be left behind by everyone. ", 25. ", 6. "Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my d**k or I'll call the police. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin on Being Arrested for Performing "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" Johnny Carson 325K views 3 months ago George Carlin - Stand Up About Religion Matti Holden 13M. They will do anything for the unborn. George Carlin. They own you. Everybody says they suck. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Maybe this time itll work. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. They OWN YOU. ", 5. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. The rights and the rights of property. "By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. It creates a hostile work environment. Others see it half empty. Keep your circle small. AddThis sets this geolocation cookie to help understand the location of users who share the information. They own and control the corporations. ", 30. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. This cookie is set by Prebid Server. This information is used to pick out ads delivered by the platform and assess the ad performance and its attribute payment. ", 62. Now, some people like to twist that around. The __gads cookie, set by Google, is stored under DoubleClick domain and tracks the number of times users see an advert, measures the success of the campaign and calculates its revenue. Don't miss a beat. "People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. "It helps to remember this.. Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. He died from heart failure in 2008, survived by his second wife Sally Wade, and his daughter, Kelly. You're down to seven. "The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' The cookie is set by Snapchat to show relevant ads to the users by tracking user behaviour on Snapchat. They don't fall out of the sky. The truth is, we dont have people like that. Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. I prefer dogs, because dogs don't care. ", 10. This cookie expires after 30 minutes but the timer is reset if the visitor visits a new page on the site before the cookie expires. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read. He famously said he didn't vote, so he couldn't be to blame for whatever shit show we got ourselves into. This is what we have to offer. "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. And complaining about the politicians. People are stupid because, well, people are stupid. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. You ever notice that? And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. "I have certain rules I live by. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. He was as prolific as he was profound, with a career spanning nearly five decades, 23 albums, 14 HBO specials, 130 Tonight Show appearances and three books (plus posthumous releases). The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ", 2. He always needs money! And they all vote. The ad-id cookie is provided by Amazon Advertising for tallying user actions by tracking ad clicks on other websites, to provide targeted content. If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. These current events and social issues that are relevant today . ", 80. "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Set by addthis.com to determine the usage of addthis.com service. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously. He loves you, and He needs money! The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". "I have as much authority as the Pope. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. "I have lots of ideas. And apparently, I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. This cookie is associated with Yahoo Search Analytics and is used for advertising purposes. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. ", 75. "The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. "Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. '", 78. 43. Its a big club and you aint in it. The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president. He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. You have no right to complain. "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. This is the best we can do folks. ", 125. The Romantic Comedy You Should Watch This Valentines Day, Based On Your ZodiacSign, Valentines Day Streaming Guide: The Best Rom-Coms To Binge On Netflix, HBO Max, AndMore, How Narcissists Use Dog Whistling To Covertly Abuse You: Signs Of This Dangerous ManipulationMethod, 11 Christmas Movies To Watch If Youre Dealing With Heartbreak Over TheHolidays. It will not be with jack-boots. "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. JIM STAFFORD. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. These George Carlin quotes on life showcase his wit, ingenuity and geniusand, occasionally, his potty mouth, which was part of his signature charm. ", 121. ", 72. "If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. The __qca cookie is associated with Quantcast. Contents 1 Quotes 1.1 FM & AM (1972) [5] And another one: "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. The _omappvp cookie is set to distinguish new and returning users and is used in conjunction with _omappvs cookie. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. This cookie is set by Facebook to display advertisements when either on Facebook or on a digital platform powered by Facebook advertising, after visiting the website. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! After that, they don't want to know about you. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.