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I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
C.M.
BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
Megan
Because of your blog, I know that it is possible for me to have the love that I want one day and that I don’t have to be alone.  — Indepthwoman  on space2live
Indepthwoman
During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…
J.K.

“I was struggling with my daughter (16 at the time) and our constant fighting. You said something to me that changed my life! You were speaking about your own situation and you said to me “my child could not handle my emotions”. This was a HUGE “lightbulb moment” for me and it forever changed the way I dealt with my emotions when I was around my daughter!

I am happy to say that things have never been better between my soon to be 18 year old daughter and myself! I honestly never thought we would…

Mom M
This is me. This is me from the day I was born. For so long I felt misunderstood and rejected, even by the people closest to me, because they could never understand my need for solitude, and I had no idea how to explain it to them. Even now that I know more about Introversion and have a more informed understanding of my hard-wired need for solitude, it’s still very difficult sometimes to help my loved ones understand this profound craving for time and space all to myself. This is one of the best…
Sharon
I met Brenda and took the MBTI… I had a fairly good understanding of these types before the meeting but was impressed by the depth of knowledge that Brenda shared with me. She clearly has a passion for this work and a gift in imparting the information. There have been doors opened for me because of our talks… — Alan Hintermeister
Alan Hintermeister
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
THANK YOU….. you just summed up my swirling thoughts into something i can read with out everything else in my head meshing with it. I finally feel like i can explain what happens within without getting distracted. I’m an Introvert with ADD and it makes it so hard to explain quite what im feeling sometimes. — M.G. on space2live
M.G.

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Pay Attention. Reflect. Be. The Essence of Space2live and a Letter of Love to My Dad.

I’m using space this week to write a letter of love to my dad.  It was his birthday on Wednesday. To prepare for this writing I immersed myself in memories and music my heart entwines with him. Many of the lessons my dad taught me serve as the foundation for space2live.  My dad never told me HOW to live but he showed/shows me WHAT LIVING IS.  His nature and way of being says paying attention is vital, reflection is nourishing, and always, no matter how others influence, be who you are.

Paying Attention

I can still see my dad and his father standing in the living room near the stereo.  My dad had not been home from work long but he had changed his clothes.  My grandpa stood with a cocktail or short glass of Chianti in his hand.  Dad nimbly put a new record on the turntable.  Both men stood stock-still and waited for the voice.  Softly with sonorous clarity, Barbra Streisand delivered……Midnight, not a sound from the pavement, has the moon lost her memory, she is smiling alone… The listening was so intense I remember not wanting to ruin it with any noise.  My grandpa eventually shook his head and mumbled something like, God, what a gift, what a voice.  My dad stood openly lost in his appreciation. I felt privileged to be in the same room during this expression of awe and reverence. I felt part of something bigger than a new record.

Thanks Dad for showing me paying attention is a gift.  It lets beauty in.  It creates enriching memories.

Reflection

My dad loves to drive.  Between his passion for race-cars and his recurring case of wanderlust he has clocked many hours behind the wheel.  Being a passenger on many road trips with Dad I’ve had a lot of time to observe him lost in his thoughts. I remember Dad tapping his ring against the steering wheel as Steely Dan or The Eagles jammed on the tape player. There were no DVDs  or cell phones to interrupt the reveries. There would definitely be family chatter but much of the time we just looked out the window and daydreamed. It was always OK to NOT talk as we drove down the road. For all I know Dad could have been stressing about his business decisions or going over his long list of responsibilities but it always felt like he was simply reflecting and escaping into a world of ideas.

Thank you Dad for finding ways to escape the rushed hectic existence of everyday life.  Thanks for making it acceptable to pause and reflect.

Be Who You Are

I spent too much of my childhood wishing Dad would dress nicer, drive a quieter car and be like my friends’ parents.  He wore what was comfortable for work and play which usually meant flared purple corduroys (even into the 80s) or t-shirts with the sleeves cut off. He drove Lisa (my sister) and I to school in a bondo-spotted Chevy that sounded like it was missing the muffler. We wanted to be dropped off a block past the school. We never were. Dad never joined the country club or played golf.  He goes to the racetrack and builds fires in the fire pit down by the crick. He never had a corner office but he did sell shoes, does serve the community and does scoop ice cream, and was/is content. He plants every seed he comes across and listens to music. His kitchen windowsill is overflowing with potted plants in various stages of potential.  The airwaves in the house  and barn are filled with one or more of the following: jazz, rock, pop, Yanni, old-school country, R&B or bagpipes – whatever he’s drawn to at the moment.

Not that long ago, over remnants of pie and Faygo pop, we sat around shooting the breeze at Dad and Jan’s (stepmom) kitchen table.  I don’t remember what precipitated the exclamation but at one point my dad vehemently declared (hand gestures accentuating his words), I never wanted to be like everyone else!  Well, hmmm that explains a lot.

Thank you Dad for being brave enough to move to the beat of your own drum (or synthesizer or bagpipe).  In doing so, you’ve planted the seed of courage in me.

Happy birthday Dad:)

With endless love and gratitude,

Brenda

Tell me about one of your teachers.  How well do you know your parents? What are 3 of your essence values?

**A great article on getting to know your parents as people: Do You Really Know Your Parents?

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2 Comments

  1. Debbi December 30, 2011 at 7:24 pm - Reply

    I enjoyed reading this. My parents instilled all of their values in me, and I am thankful as well.

    • brennagee December 31, 2011 at 10:48 pm - Reply

      Parents as human beings struggling and celebrating just like us.:) Thanks for reading!

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