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Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
THANK YOU….. you just summed up my swirling thoughts into something i can read with out everything else in my head meshing with it. I finally feel like i can explain what happens within without getting distracted. I’m an Introvert with ADD and it makes it so hard to explain quite what im feeling sometimes. — M.G. on space2live

“I was struggling with my daughter (16 at the time) and our constant fighting. You said something to me that changed my life! You were speaking about your own situation and you said to me “my child could not handle my emotions”. This was a HUGE “lightbulb moment” for me and it forever changed the way I dealt with my emotions when I was around my daughter!

I am happy to say that things have never been better between my soon to be 18 year old daughter and myself! I honestly never thought we would…

Mom M
You’re so honest in your writing. It’s bold. It’s frank. It’s wonderful. I could definitely see the work you are doing here as a useful book. It could save/make a lot of relationships! — Jimmi Langemo
Jimmi Langemo
Because of your blog, I know that it is possible for me to have the love that I want one day and that I don’t have to be alone.  — Indepthwoman  on space2live
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…
I think I want to print out your articles and hand them out as a sort of relationship waiver form. “You want to be my friend?….You are interesting in going out? Here read this first. Sign here to acknowledge that you have read and understand the enclosed material. Thank you.” Seriously. I think it would work. — Guerin Moorman
Guerin Moorman
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live

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Need Energy? How to Get It Without Caffeine or Extra Sleep

I entered the ice-blue and transparent Apple store.  The openness and clean lines felt more refreshing than cold. There were plenty of i-products to play with, each subtly leashed to a simple table and pleasingly surrounded by free space.  I glanced around and noticed the store was busy.  At 6pm the afterwork crowd was present but speaking in pleasant, moderate tones.  As I ran my fingers over the smooth surface of a sleek Mac Air, a tall bald man in his fifties popped up and asked if I needed help.

I told him I was interested in a laptop and was curious about the Macbook Pro and the Mac Air.  With the enthusiasm of a kid showing off his prized rock collection, John described the key differences between the two slim, somehow pretty machines. John entertained me as he shared the support options for the products.  He made their help desk sound like a juice bar; a healthy stimulating place to hang out.  Of course, John wanted to know how I intended to use the laptop.  I told him primarily to run my little introversion is beautiful website.  He quickly pronounced himself (no surprise) a raging extrovert.  Although the way he smiled when he said it made him more likeable than in your face. Despite our temperament differences I felt a great connection with John.  He got me excited about exploring Apple’s website developing software.  He visualized out loud me giving presentations about the website that included cinematic videos and other vivid image good stuff.  He was pumped.  I was pumped.

When was the last time you spoke with a passionate person?

Until my encounter with Apple John, I hadn’t realized how much I missed the two-way spark that occurs when inspired people co-mingle.  I had been isolated for the last three months.  The kids had been home from school and we were in the midst of a home improvement project. I thought limiting extracurricular activities would give me more energy for family life.  Instead, my spirit had been held hostage by sibling rivalry and constant disruption.  I went to bed tired and woke up with little to no enthusiasm. I felt cut off from my writing group and inspirational tribe. I missed the flow of ideas and the subsequent light that surrounds everyone involved.

Where the Passion Is

My trip to the Apple store seemed to start something.  The next morning I went to my favorite cardio- kickboxing/hip hop class and re-connected with Connie, the most creative and vibrant hip/hop dance instructor ever.  Her classes are better than therapy.  Everyone leaves a little lighter than when they came in.  Later in the afternoon I listened to the cadence quicken in my guitar teacher’s voice as he described his latest experiments with the tonal output of his six-stringed companion.  Soft notes rose from the strings he plucked as he shared the obvious joy.  I was on a roll.  The icing on the passion cake was driving into the city and meeting with Roxanne, my friend and intuitive writing guide.  I had not seen her for months.  We filled pages about what we had been doing since we saw each other last, then shared their content.  I told her about the one-day freelancing workshop I attended in July.  I described the tingly, high feeling I got when learning about writing profile stories.  Roxanne’s face lit up as she told me she used to do interviews before she became a thereapist.  She had so much fun choosing interviewees based on people she wanted to meet. She called profiles the great equalizers.  I took that to mean that under all stardom or success is a human who eats Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast and sends his mom flowers on Mother’s Day, but Rox may have meant that all people are fascinating.  She told me of a writing assignment she received in Seattle where she had to interview a man who operated drawbridges in the area.  She dreaded the interview because she thought it would be dry material but the gentleman turned out to be extremely passionate about his work and his excitement came through in his words and story.  By the end she was enchanted.

As Roxanne and I wound down for the evening, she wisely imparted, You need to be around passionate people.  A light-bulb went off.

More to Passion Than Talking a Lot

An introvert or sensitive person can smell a PR blow-hard a mile away and would rather take up weekly colonics than have to listen to empty self-promotion. But we are all intimately drawn to genuinely enthusiastic and charismatic people, people who love what they do and ooze authenticity. Passionate people are not doing things solely for their own self-interest.  They are doing things because they are fascinated.  That’s the energy that is emitted.  There’s relief and freedom in inspiring conversations.  No one is competing. 

For two days after the Apple encounter and my reunion with Roxanne I had energy to spare.  I woke up early with my imagination in high gear.  I highly recommend finding a passionate person or tribe to hang with.  One afternoon together is like a wheatgrass smoothie (that tastes like a strawberry shake) with a super mega-scoop of energizer powder.  For introverts it’s the best alternative to being alone.  Energy is not zapped.  It is created.

Are you neglecting passionate friends?  Do you make time to energize with enthusiastic people or do you just get through the day?

P.S. I am not a spokesperson for Apple products.  I am promoting passion.  That said, you still might find me bellied up to the Genius Bar at the Apple store.:) Oh! and by the way, Apple employees do not work on commission.  Nice.

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:2 Ingredients 2 Kick-Start Love, Visions and Missions and Goals, Oh My!, and The Seed of Innovation Moment

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  1. […]  The ones who know themselves and feel comfortable in their own rumpled jeans.  These people are better than caffeine.  They don’t have to have the same temperament as you either.  Mix it up – introverts, […]

  2. brennagee September 26, 2011 at 10:34 am - Reply

    It is so easy to allow passion to get buried under the have to’s. Our to do lists are tangible and forefront. Passion requires space, reflection and action that always seems like extra -curricular and therefore a luxury to engage in. It takes energy to say no to all the distractions and “should dos.” But we have to expend some energy in order to fill up with energy. That is what this website is all about – creating that space to LIVE rather than just exist. I understand financial limitations. Thank God passionate friends and eclectic bookstores are free to love and explore.:) It has been my experience that passionate activities and people make all the drudge work easier to swallow. Reward yourself for all your meticulous application processing by doing something that makes your heart lighter. We all need renewal time between work. We are more productive that way anyway.:)

    • Debbi September 26, 2011 at 1:07 pm - Reply

      Thank you. I agree. This is the first time since you started this blog where I could relate to the complete idea of “creating a space to live” as opposed to your individual articles. I am trying to force myself to step away to a calming and enlightening activity and then return to “have tos”. I am also trying to give myself a segmented time to “work” in and allow a large portion of the day to be “non-work” as it would be in a job. The dishes and laundry will be part of the “non-work” time as well as the creative activities, but I believe that stepping away from the task entirely each day will, as you said, allow me to bring energy to myself as well as the tasks I complete.

    • Lobster July 7, 2013 at 4:52 pm - Reply

      I really liked this post but I especially liked your comment about it and what your website is all about. Having spent most of my life existing – albeit usually quite happily 🙂 The understanding I have now (in the last 3 months or so) around my introversion allows me to accept and love it rather than making excuses or ‘shoulds’. It is a big deal, and also it is not, or it needn’t be. It also allows me to accept others more, there is no one size fits all. If you don’t click with someone, there is nothing wrong with you or them, it is just a recipe that won’t make the scrapbook!

      This for me creates the space, without the excuses. Just need to regain the passion and forgive myself when it doesn’t come when I think it should 😉

      • brennagee July 8, 2013 at 11:01 pm - Reply

        That is what it all comes down to – accepting ourselves and others. Differences aren’t right or wrong, just different. I’m learning all of this too. Trying to not only know intellectually that I have gifts and strengths as an introvert but also put them into practice.
        Let your passions guide you Lobster. They will always be there, just give them space to live.;)

  3. Debbi September 25, 2011 at 10:48 pm - Reply

    Lately I just get through the day. Most of my passionate friends are busy with family and “have tos”. I’m so busy creating resumes, cover letters, applications, documents to send with applications, and researching new career and supplemental income fields that I don’t take the time to step out and seek the people that peak my passion. I feel dull. A lack of finances at the moment does not help the situation. However, I do believe that shouldn’t matter. I need to find my way to the Universal Unitarian Church, Crazy Wisdom Bookstore, or just reconnect…or connect…with people I already am passionate with or I believe would be passionate to speak to.

    I am passionate about the fields and positions I am researching and applying to work in. However, the process seems to make them feel more mechanical…stealing my passion. I have stayed home to save money at the moment which means more tv. You have ZERO brain activity while watching tv and I’m assuming movies. It makes me less creative, even in the job application process. I need to find an inexpensive, for the moment, way to get out and find passionate interactions.

    I did have interactions with someone I admire, however, and rarely get to see last week. Hanging out with her and her family was definitely calming, uplifting, and refreshing. I have opened to an old friend and new aquaintance by using my listening skills. I simply need to find more opportunities for that.

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