I am an introverted Pisces dreamer big-picture kind of woman. I could while away hours daydreaming about traveling in foreign lands, meeting a beguiling stranger on a midnight train, writing a bestseller and championing lost souls.

I am most content when I am available to possibilities.

Possibilities in Love

Deeply Single: A state of perceiving the benefits of aloneness and being single — of traveling, going to movies alone, feeling full of possibility. ~ Sasha Cagen, Quirkyalone

I volley back and forth between feeling self-directed and creatively independent and yearning for the ideal mate who shares my reveries and reaches for me in the night.

As I wrote in My Introverted Love Creed: If We Can’t be Magnificent and Independent Together, I’m OK Alone, I am fine by myself, even prefer it sometimes for its solitude and reflective properties. I often feel most alive and genuine when enveloped in solitude. It is the space where I can make sense of all that befalls and has befallen me.  In that time of slowed activity and enriched mind, lessons are realized, imagination seeps in and possibilities dance with dreams.

Eventually, I find myself feeling full and content and want to share experiences with a partner.

Online dating blows my mind.  Too many possibilities. I sign onto a dating service and inevitably find both mis-fits and magnificents.  I enjoy the variety and options but it’s difficult for me to date casually for long. I get dating fatigue.  Too much correspondence and energy zinging out through my Macbook and iPhone.  I want the realness of an intimate relationship – the ability to love individually and expansively.

I am addicted to human connection of the deepest kind.  Physical, mental and spiritual connection. I love it all.  Touch me sensually, engage my mind and stir my soul.  I will open to you in the most natural and generous ways.  I will want to live in that realm indefinitely but reality always butts in. Energy levels will require me to recharge alone. My children will need more loving attention. I will pull back so as not to get lost in you.  I will meet someone new with different possibilities.

Still there is the possibility of true love. Two individuals coming together with their own lights within, not needing the other for happiness but wanting the magnified glow of two hearts and bodies. Sigh.

Possibilities in Becoming

At this place in my life I have choices.  Who do I want to be? Where do I want to go? What do I want to dedicate myself to? How can I do the most good?

My children are my companions on this ride so their needs and enrichment are guideposts along the trek.  Even with their needs in mind, there are numerous possibilities for my trajectory.

I dream of putting a book together that comforts others and makes their existence lighter and sexier.  I have lofty thoughts of going back to school and obtaining a masters in counseling – so I can do more than listen to people and write to their feelings.  I want to actually help them feel good and whole on their own.

It’s so easy for me to imagine these outcomes but so difficult for me to take all the steps and do all the work necessary to achieve them.  I am daunted.  I am overwhelmed.  Many days I feel like I use all my energy to raise my children and manage household tasks.  I admire those industrious spirits who network effortlessly and continuously.  I don’t know how some people raise children and then stay up until the wee hours of the morning working on side-projects like book writing or website development.  I’m not sure if it’s my temperament — introverted —that holds me back or just plain fear.  I’m not afraid of doing the tasks.  I’m afraid of becoming exhausted, brain-dead and crabby.

I know to take little steps. I am. I know to surround myself with passionate loving people. I do. I know to evolve it’s up to me to move forward and embrace the possibilities.

Are you always looking at the possibilities or are you content with what you have? Are you evolving or settling?