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BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
I think I want to print out your articles and hand them out as a sort of relationship waiver form. “You want to be my friend?….You are interesting in going out? Here read this first. Sign here to acknowledge that you have read and understand the enclosed material. Thank you.” Seriously. I think it would work. — Guerin Moorman
Guerin Moorman
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…
This is me. This is me from the day I was born. For so long I felt misunderstood and rejected, even by the people closest to me, because they could never understand my need for solitude, and I had no idea how to explain it to them. Even now that I know more about Introversion and have a more informed understanding of my hard-wired need for solitude, it’s still very difficult sometimes to help my loved ones understand this profound craving for time and space all to myself. This is one of the best…
Because of your blog, I know that it is possible for me to have the love that I want one day and that I don’t have to be alone.  — Indepthwoman  on space2live
Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
I met Brenda and took the MBTI… I had a fairly good understanding of these types before the meeting but was impressed by the depth of knowledge that Brenda shared with me. She clearly has a passion for this work and a gift in imparting the information. There have been doors opened for me because of our talks… — Alan Hintermeister
Alan Hintermeister
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live

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Socializing Gives Introverts Energy? How Having Fun with Others Benefits Us

400th post

This is the 400th post on space2live (blog) and (website)!! That’s a lot of writing on my favorite topics: introversion, sensitivity, relationships, parenting, divorce, anxiety, resilience and connecting. I am so happy to have this outlet. I’ve met so many wonderful people through writing. Thanks for reading and sharing with me! Please enjoy the latest post below!


This still looks a little over the top for me. Maybe it’s the hats?

Fun was synonymous with extroversion for me. I used to think having a blast meant pouring out lots and lots of energy. Fun seemed loud and action packed. Daunting. I even ruled out potential men on dating sites if they mentioned looking for someone who was fun. I did not feel I could live up to that expectation.

Things are changing. My social calendar has been jam-packed over the last month. Two or three events every weekend. In case you are curious, most of the events are a solid mix of introverts and extroverts.

This most recent weekend we actually had nothing planned. It gave me time to reflect. I noticed that despite all the recent social gatherings and plans, I was not drained. I now look forward to get-togethers and events.

Why is that? Have I suddenly gone extroverted? Why do I feel different now about socializing? What’s changed from a few years ago when I really had to pace myself and put buffers in place to protect my downtime?

Fun = rest

The answer is, I am having fun now. I’m getting together with people who make me laugh and listen to my stories. I get to be with people whom I enjoy listening to. I even make them laugh sometimes! My personal hero, Brenda Ueland, says the more we laugh with people the funnier they get. I think they relax once they’ve succeeded with one good line or joke and then the humor really flows.

We all relax by sharing our experiences, laughing, singing, dancing, and supporting each other. I’m getting downtime and relaxation by being with others.

photo credit Priscilla du Preez via unsplash

The good times carry over into everyday lives

I focus on my kids’ activities and household maintenance when they are with me, but even the joy factor in those endeavors has elevated. I think the energy generated from the fun social gatherings spills over into time with my kids.

Perhaps the more fun we have, the more fun we find or notice.

I would like to thank Will Smith and Nickelodeon for The Fresh Prince of Belair reruns at night. The show’s story lines and characters are just the right mix of goofy and meaningful. The kids and I have fun watching an episode or two before bed. We laugh but also wind down from the day.

Belonging to communities lightens the load

I rest and gain vitality between work. There is no doubt the love and support I receive from my fiancé gives me a boost but the socializing and belonging to different communities is pure fuel to my spirit. Fortunately, he brings new communities (family, friends) to our relationship and me. I love introducing him to my communities as well. The support and engagement of outside communities remove the burden of being everything to each other.

When I was married it was all about the striving and achieving. I think most families go through this stage of child-rearing and career building. There is not much time or energy left for other activities. We did not socialize much outside of my husband’s co-workers. I could not rest in the relationship with my husband or our social circles. The relationships were not steeped in fun. They were more focused on appearances.

photo via unsplash

It is key for couples to rest with each other whether that be in quiet time or fun time.

Still loyal to quiet

I still usually have quiet Sundays, whether I’m by myself or with my kids. I plan time to read, which is another type of fun for me and many introverts.

Fun enhances creativity and productivity

It is easy to feel guilty about goofing off. We often feel we are putting off work to play when we take time to have fun. In her Tedx talk, Fun Is Your High-Performance Fuel, Karen Salmansohn shares statistics about how much more productive we are when we work with friends —people we have fun with.

She also mentions that we can’t listen or express ourselves well if our heart rate goes beyond 100 beats per minute. Fun reduces fear and stress therefore reducing the challenges to our hearts and minds. It refreshes us so we can reflect and create with ease.

Good times and camaraderie not only energize us and increase our resilience but they make us more productive and creative too. I have always thought it would be a blast to work as part of a writing team for a TV show. I would love the tossing around of ideas and riffing off each other. That sounds like fun to me. It seems like the perfect blend of introvert inner world and creative social world.

The most important thing fun does for us

When we have fun and laugh we get present with ourselves, our setting and our people. We aren’t rehashing our past mistakes or experiencing anxiety about our future. We lose track of time, lower our heart rates (unless fun entails raising our heart rate), become open to more people and ideas and handle obstacles better. We become more resilient.

When was the last time you had genuine fun? How often do you experience fun in a week? What is fun to you?










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One Comment

  1. michaelrbuley May 30, 2018 at 2:52 am - Reply

    First of all, congratulations, Brenda — 400 articles, insights, what you’ve learned, what you’ve been through, opening your mind and heart to us. That’s a lot of times — thank you so very much for all you give. You have changed a lot of lives, and mine is one of them.

    Fun. lol … yes, fun! laughter, as we have talked about before, is key to being most alive, I think. Put it this way: the people we most enjoy being with, in general, are people who make us laugh, and whom we also can bring laughter to. The non-laughing people, those without a sense of humor — a warm, humble, kind sense of humor — those people, who wants to be with them much?

    We come alive when we laugh. Finding that laughter with the one we are with is so crucial to WANTING to be together. Knowing that everything is NOT serious and somber … lol … that there can be, and is, laughter in the most difficult circumstances. A kind laughter. Laughter lifts us, and if we bring laughter to others, we lift them. And who better to be with than people who lift us up, and whom we lift up as well?

    Laughter is so beautiful. So sweet and precious. May we always find it within us, and may we find kindred spirits with whom we laugh easily and often and sweetly.

    Thanks again for all of your beautiful self that you have shared with us, Brenda.

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