Friends, today I have something special to share with you: An excerpt from a soon-to-be-published  book called You Don’t Owe Anyone by my friend Caroline Garnet McGraw. 

To quote Caroline, “The book is about how I realized that actually, I don’t owe anybody anything. For  years I thought I did. I was world class at being the good girl, the people pleaser, and the super Christian. (I was in a cult, and I was good at it!) The book is about how I got free from all of those old  identities, free from the weight of expectations.  

I wasted years believing that I owed the world a better version of myself. (Maybe you can relate?) And  if I couldn’t be better, then I should at least be quiet. But now, I believe that I don’t owe anyone my  silence. And neither do you.” 


The ‘good girl, people pleaser’ part really resonated with me (Brenda). As a sensitive person, I never want to let anyone down. 

Have you ever beat yourself up over not responding to every message you received in a day? 

Me too. I know how it goes. On one hand, you’re tired and overwhelmed. But on the other hand, there  are emails! Texts! Calls! All demanding a response! 

If we check in with ourselves, we can sense which messages require our attention. However, we have  trouble heeding that inner knowing because it conflicts with what we’ve been taught: 

If someone writes, we must write back. 

If someone starts talking, we must converse. 

If someone moves in for a hug, we must embrace. 

It doesn’t matter if we feel uncomfortable, exhausted, or just plain unwilling. If we don’t do these  things, then we’re unkind and rude. Right? 

Maybe not. Maybe there are more important questions for us to ask ourselves than, “But what if they  get mad at me?” 

Questions such as, 

How much time have I wasted in needing to be seen a certain way? 

What danger have I courted with my inability to say a direct no? 

What have I sacrificed on the altar of being too nice? 

Caroline McGraw’s husband told her, “You don’t owe anyone an interaction” and it changed her forever. She finally realized there was no debt to pay. She was free.

Many of us could use a lesson in saying no. As Caroline says, “…when we don’t guard our time, our very ability to be kind erodes.” My post on sensitivity and annoyance had a very similar message.

Where did it begin for you? When did you start believing that you owed the whole world?  When did you shoulder the burden of being “good” and start keeping your real self hidden away? And  when did you realize that it wasn’t working, that it was taking you to a place you never wanted to go? 


I had the privilege of reading an advance copy of You Don’t Owe Anyone, and here’s my take: Books  like this do not come along every day. And I’m not the only one who thinks so. To quote just one of the  luminaries who have endorsed it

“For too many people, the road to burnout is paved with good intentions. In this book, Caroline  McGraw offers useful guidance for how to help others without hurting yourself. Think of it as a self care manual for the caring.” 

– Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and Give and Take, and host of the  TED podcast WorkLife 

I would read just about anything Adam Grant endorsed.:)

To celebrate the book’s launch, Caroline has created a super-generous preorder bonus package. When  you preorder You Don’t Owe Anyone today, you’ll also receive lifetime access to a tremendous virtual  library with over 100 expert interviews and valuable resources, including …  

The Confidence Course Series – $197 value 

The Clarity Course Series – $346 value 

Clear Confident You – $197 value 

The Make It Matter Series – $149 value 

The Pursue Your Path Series – $197 value 

Bonus interviews with Caroline – $111 value 

You Don’t Owe Anyone Coaching Guidebook – $97 value 

That’s $1294 worth of limited-time bonuses, all yours for free when you preorder You Don’t Owe  Anyone. The list price of the book? $17.99. 

That said, you don’t owe it to me, or to anyone else, to read this book. It’s 100% your call.  But if you take a moment to pause and listen, you may decide that you owe it to your future self …  

The one who snapped to attention when you heard the book’s title. 

The one nudging you to be brave and follow your curiosity.  

The one you are becoming.  

Preorder now: 


I think you are going to love this,