In order to be happy you have to stand out.  Make different choices based on your desires not the status quo.  Often it takes guts to choose happy.  Choose to give up a stable but unfulfilling job. Choose to let a dying marriage die.  Love yourself instead of caring for everyone else all the time. Love someone who doesn’t meet other’s expectations. Do something out of your comfort zone.

A spirited friend of mine gave me a frivolous yet insightful novel called Flirting with Forty by Jane Porter. In it, the main character opens her eyes one day to find herself surrounded by expensive people wearing understated clothes, driving expensive but understated vehicles, living in expensive but understated homes.  It’s as if they all want to be successful but not showy.  They aren’t willing to stand out. They aren’t happy either.

I see and know plenty of people with frowny faces and foul moods.  They tell me how work sucks, their kids drive them crazy, their marriage is lacking and they are exhausted.  Their schedules or their people drag them through each day.

I’ve been there.  A lot.  It feels like there are no other options.  You are not spearheading your life.  You are not choosing happiness.

What Are You Waiting For? Go Get It

Choose happiness.  It does not come to you.  You do not have to earn it.  It is not a gift only for special/wealthy/pretty or self-less people. Choose happiness over tired.  Over down. Over sad.  Make pleasure a priority. You can luxuriate while reading a book.  You can make fun by calling up a friend to see if they want to meet you for dinner/a movie/live music.  You can generate excitement by doing something new or spontaneous like going to a candy store across town or visiting someone special just to kiss them.

Happiness Does Not Always Mean Doing

Happiness doesn’t mean doing all kinds of extra time-consuming activities either.  In fact, I’d argue in many cases it means cutting out a few things. When there is space to notice a peaceful feeling or reflect on what makes you feel content, then choices are obvious. Consider the last time you took a vacation.  Were the first two days hectic and buzzy?  Did it take a while for your system to get used to being unplugged? Did you feel more You after the third day? Getting back to you is a key factor in being happy.  For me, if every second of a vacation is scheduled and I am running from one activity to the next, I am one harried unhappy individual.  If I get to lie on the beach and stare at the horizon for an hour or two and then saunter to the local ice cream shop, I’m good.  Slow = time to feel good. I get into my self. I get into my imagination, my feelings for others, my ability to let go, my patience and my passions.

You don’t have to go on vacation to return to your core spirit but you will have to pull away from the hectic buzzy web of life, and that ain’t easy. Others will want you to remain asleep in the hum, just like them.

On a side note, I know lots of people love adrenaline rushes and frequent stimulation.  They are uncomfortable with downtime.  As an introvert, this is foreign territory to me, but I think as long as someone is choosing busy (not just avoiding themselves), then they are choosing happiness.

Relationships: Not for Wimps

In relationships sometimes you have to choose to end them in order to be happy.  This takes courage.  This means you will most likely spend some time alone.  Oh noooo!  Not alone!  Remember alone  does not equal lonely. Take charge of that space where your relationship used to exist.  Fill it with developing hobbies/passions or leave it empty for rest and recovery. Pro-active choosing is hard but ultimately fulfilling.  Push yourself.

On the flip side, starting a relationship takes guts too.  You have to put yourself out there  — be vulnerable, take the risk of being honest and heartbroken. But shit, this is love we’re talking about.  Is there anything more worth the risk?

You have to have courage to love somebody because you risk everything, everything. ~ Maya Angelou

You Gotta Want It

We think we have to wait for happiness to wash over us when all we really have to do is notice when we feel good.  It may not be a big moment of achievement or attainment that brings on satisfaction.  A friend once said, Think of everything that went right today.  It will blow your mind. Like when the washing machine worked, your car started, your child came home from school without lice, the light came on when you hit the switch. Oh my God!  Freakin’ amazing.

Ordinary life can be thrilling and sensual and colorful but only if we’re paying attention.  The trouble is right under our nose…it’s us…the collective ‘We’.  The challenge to permit ourselves to look at things through rose-colored glasses is overwhelmingly difficult in times of stress as naysayers abound.  It’s allowance.  It’s acceptance.  It’s awareness.  There’s no trick to it.  One has to feel satisfied with the rain, a bit of praise for their culinary prowess, or an unexpected Facebook friend request.  In short, you gotta want it. 

~ Mad Men. The American Dream from Mema’s Musings

What makes you most happy?  How did you arrive at this happiness?  How do you stand out?  

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