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THANK YOU….. you just summed up my swirling thoughts into something i can read with out everything else in my head meshing with it. I finally feel like i can explain what happens within without getting distracted. I’m an Introvert with ADD and it makes it so hard to explain quite what im feeling sometimes. — M.G. on space2live
M.G.
Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
Your words are my lifeline.  I sit down to your posts and as I read I can feel my acceptance of myself and my needs grow.  Your words validate my feelings about my life, motherhood, relationships and it is something I hold onto.  And during the times when I feel like I am not able to be a mother or a wife or a sister or a friend or whatever someone needs me to be, I go back to your words and find some peace…I send your posts to my husband when I need him to understand that I love him but I need …
D.R.
This is me. This is me from the day I was born. For so long I felt misunderstood and rejected, even by the people closest to me, because they could never understand my need for solitude, and I had no idea how to explain it to them. Even now that I know more about Introversion and have a more informed understanding of my hard-wired need for solitude, it’s still very difficult sometimes to help my loved ones understand this profound craving for time and space all to myself. This is one of the best…
Sharon

“I was struggling with my daughter (16 at the time) and our constant fighting. You said something to me that changed my life! You were speaking about your own situation and you said to me “my child could not handle my emotions”. This was a HUGE “lightbulb moment” for me and it forever changed the way I dealt with my emotions when I was around my daughter!

I am happy to say that things have never been better between my soon to be 18 year old daughter and myself! I honestly never thought we would…

Mom M
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…
Niko
I think I want to print out your articles and hand them out as a sort of relationship waiver form. “You want to be my friend?….You are interesting in going out? Here read this first. Sign here to acknowledge that you have read and understand the enclosed material. Thank you.” Seriously. I think it would work. — Guerin Moorman
Guerin Moorman
You’re so honest in your writing. It’s bold. It’s frank. It’s wonderful. I could definitely see the work you are doing here as a useful book. It could save/make a lot of relationships! — Jimmi Langemo
Jimmi Langemo
your depth of understanding, and talent at sharing it amaze me. Speechless… and for your sharing of it.. Thank you… deeply. *sigh, its like coming back into my body through acceptance….. Sherrie on space2live
Sherrie
Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…
J.K.

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Brenda’s Random Personal Introverted Vacation and Dating Thoughts

I was on vacation last week and I’m busy playing catchup with housework, career work, kid requests and many other life pulls. So, unfortunately or fortunately, this week you get my mostly unedited, half-processed thoughts and observations to review.

Are introverts funny?

As I said, I was on vacation last week. We visited family in Tennessee. My dad and stepmom’s home is where I let  my guard down and fully come back to myself. A friend commented that I had a glow about me when I returned. I think it is because I completely relax in that easy-going atmosphere. This visit, I found myself laughing a lot and making others laugh. I know I’m truly myself and at ease when my sense of humor comes out. Are introverts funny? Do we just need to be REALLY at ease?laughter through tears is my favorite emotion

Introverts not meant for casual dating?

Casual dating is exhausting. Over the years, I’ve learned I am at my best when in a secure long-term relationship. I thrive in its stability. If I can put effort into a relationship and receive care in return, my imagination, energy, confidence and overall joy, soar. I think I have an anxious attachment style. I love intimacy and I am highly attuned to any potential threats to a relationship. As much as I crave solitude, I am whole and balanced when I am part of a relationship. Yeah, I have to try harder to squeeze in alone time, but my heart and energy stores are full when I feel loved. This summer, I spent one month on Match.com. I met some beautifully kind men but showing up and being ON for first, second and third dates takes a lot out of me. Disappointment (theirs and mine), also takes a lot out of me. Should there be an introvert website? Are introverts more attracted to other introverts or extroverts? Am I more attracted to extroverts or introverts? 

Pampering southern style

Getting a pedicure in the south is different than up north. When I get my nails done in Minnesota (a treat), I always

Steel Magnolias Truvy's salon

Steel Magnolias Truvy’s salon

grab a magazine to read while the aesthetician does his/her work. They laughed at me when I asked for a magazine in the salon where my stepmom, daughter and I got our nails done in Tennessee. The two southern woman doing our nails talked with us the whole time. They started with, You’re not from around here are you?  The woman sitting next to me stuck around for quite a while after her service was completed to take part in the conversation. Steel Magnolias is real. If only Dolly Parton had shown up. 

Random

I like line dancing.

Let me know when you get home, OK?

“One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night.” — Margaret Mead

I greatly appreciate when someone asks me to let them know when I get home safely. I see it as a good sign. I’m currently reading Wired for Dating by Stan Tatkin, PSyD, MFT. I’m using previous and new knowledge to decipher the different attachment styles while dating. I’m looking for, finding and striving to be, the elusive securely attached type. I’m such a geek. I totally get excited when I recognize a positive and reassuring behavior. I’m working on just rolling with things, but I know enough to be dangerous. 

Introverts, are we funny? Can we casual date? Have you ever been to a salon in the south? Do you like line dancing? What are some good signs you look for from a partner? 

 

 

 

 

 

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7 Comments

  1. Colie August 20, 2016 at 3:50 pm - Reply

    Dear Brenda:

    This was a great read. I do think introverts can be and are funny. I’ve actually spent quite a few months convincing myself of that fact, even if some beg to differ. I’ve stopped needing other people’s approval on things though.

    as far as, casual dating- I’m an INFJ and I don’t think casual dating is for me at all.

    I am grateful to have found your site. I’m sure there are many introverted others that would love to connect with you.

    With gratitude,

    Colie

  2. Kevin L. Kennel August 7, 2016 at 2:52 pm - Reply

    Hi Brenda. Yes, I think us introverts can be funny. Especially when we are comfortable with the people in our daily lives or if we have inside jokes with ourselves. I do not line dance nor have I been to a salon in the South. As far as casual dating and relationships go, I really do wish there was a dating website like Match.com that was set up just for us introverts. If you ever come across one, please let me know since I am single and trying to look for an introverted partner in what spare time I do have. But between caring for my disabled parents, working, and writing fiction, it is hard but I want to try. Some of the good signs I look for in a partner is a woman who is introverted, honest, supportive, and is not afraid or intimidated by quiet. In fact, I just got a copy of Sophia Dembling’s “Introverts in Love” in the mail yesterday from Amazon and will read it soon. Thank you for reading this and take care.

    • Brenda Knowles August 7, 2016 at 8:15 pm - Reply

      Thanks for sharing your experience Kevin. I’ll keep my eyes out for an introvert leaning dating site. I thought about starting one and had fun brainstorming about it but never took it to the implementation stage. I’ve read “Introverts in Love”. I gained some wisdom from it. Let me know if you find anything particularly insightful in it. Good luck with the love search.:)

  3. Gold Rhino August 6, 2016 at 12:51 am - Reply

    Brenda, I like your questioning of whether introverts should date casually. I really hate dating, especially with a woman I do not already know well. It requires many of the same skills as job interviews, and leaves me either exhausted or bored. Perhaps we introverts should only date people who have already shown that they like us a lot.

    The same energy, when directed toward furthering one’s career or working out heavily, pays greater dividends. Endorphins acquired in the gym can last all day, are free and legal, and are nature’s positive reinforcement for healthy behavior.

    Society deliberately enflames the natural human fear of being alone, instead of teaching people not to get lonely. This is unfortunate, because solitude offers the opportunity to mend our flaws and to grow more strong and independent emotionally.

    • Brenda Knowles August 7, 2016 at 8:12 pm - Reply

      I always enjoy your perspective GR. Casual dating does require similar skills to interviewing for a job. I like it when I make it to the ‘let’s just be comfortable and ourselves stage’, not that I want ho-humness, but just a relaxed state of being together. I have noticed some people simply handle being alone better than others. It is beneficial to know how to entertain yourself but there really is nothing like connecting with another. Passionate interests can keep me satisfied for a long time but eventually, in my experience, I want to share that passion or its outcomes with someone else. There is a lot of mending and healing we can start in solitude, but I’m not sure we can do it fully in isolation. You give me lots to think about. Thank you!

  4. Michael August 5, 2016 at 3:37 pm - Reply

    i like your unedited half processed thoughts. i think we all want friends, a lover, spouse, whatever, where we can be that — unedited, half processed, hardly processed, ideas just being born.

    yes, introverts are very funny when at ease. i am very funny when i’m with people i’m at ease with. life is an absolute gas.

    introverts attracted to extroverts? to introverts? God knows. let’s just find joy, be joy, laugh, be our funny selves, be alive, stay grateful, humble, all that … keep the light bright, love ourselves and others as best as we can.

    having done those things, if we are so fortunate … and we’ll be okay.

    thanks for sharing you, with us, Brenda. i always look forward to hearing from you. you’re cool. keep being cool and funny. it’s who you are!

    • Brenda Knowles August 7, 2016 at 8:03 pm - Reply

      It’s nice to hear I’m cool.;) Thanks Michael. I agree, let’s just find joy and keep the light bright. I’ll keep it simple and just strive toward those. Have an awesome week Michael!

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