I recently discovered that my husband and a female colleague of his have a texting streak going back as far as 2016. WebCasting a spouses opinion aside thoughtlessly, disparaging a husband or wife and treating each other dishonorably only hurts us, parents. But the thought of going through this number of events for two more kids is exhausting. We want both of our families to celebrate with us but are concerned about how my future FIL will behave toward the POC members of my side of the family, so much so that we havent announced our engagement to anyone yet. The Negative Effects Of Having A Partner Who Doesn't Stand Up For You. We explore your options. Perhaps its a workmate who enjoys crossing the line. But instead of festering and fighting with him, you could think of taking some steps so that he could balance his own family and your aspirations as well. Tell your husband that if you are traveling twice a year let one be with his family and the other one be with his wife and kids. They've been married for 4 1/2 years, however, her husband and his sister are obsessed with each other. Before the baby comes, you and your husband need to get on the same page as far as dealing with his family is concerned. So he listen to his mom. To everyone - Londers,Brice,Tinnkker and especially you Specialmom, thanks for your advice. Our capabilities go beyond HVAC ductwork fabrication, inquire about other specialty items you may need and we will be happy to try and accommodate your needs. I can't say anything or else he gets defensive. I'm not saying his mom is this or that. On my part, I started masturbation in seventh grade, and I first had sex while I was 16. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. You tell as much as youre ready. It set him into defensive mode every time. My issue is why did my husband get mad at me for agreeing with him I'm not a jealous person and everyone who knows me knows I'd rather everyone get along. You Husband Is Having An Affair With Her. Submit your questions and comments here before or during the discussion. But thats a simplistic reaction to an issue Im sure is multi-layered. When children are socialized in India it is drilled into their head that your parents will always be your priority and even now when sons want to have a separate residence after marriage there is severe criticism not only from parents but also relatives and the neighbors who keep saying: there goes the son tied to the wifes pallu. If you want to create not just trust but closeness in your marriage, youll need to allow room for the truth by inviting it in. What he is doing comes naturally to him. I got a little bolder and made him hold even playing ground. Its true that people who foot the bill can make demands. I am a 43-year-old man, and my wife is 41. A: Ah, no, the wedding is about the couple getting married. His daughter is 18 and treats my husband like crap and we all know it's due to what his ex says and does. Is it time to out myself as a recovering alcoholic, or is there some other way to get him to stop? The question is: How can you give her this information without making her feel attacked, when shes clearly feeling desperate to do something to make her father feel better? But you cannot always choose your family over your spouse. He knew, he knows. That means she sets the family tone, which only encourages her worst qualities. Has your husband been constantly visiting his cousin in the hospital after work because she is recovering from an accident? Heres an edited transcript of this weeks chat. Dont taunt him for being a mamas boy. I know that this seems like a stupid question, but we have become overly concerned with spending it. Thank you! You are welcome dear. No worries about the "slamming" comment/joke etc. :<)) I did refer to the word "slam" in my initial post because I didn't wan His mother went overboard with affection to the person she claims to hate. Trying to be kind: My best friends mother died a couple months ago following a long cancer battle. Since it has been quite some time since I went through these rituals, I expected them to change. How to tell people my husband left me: My husband of three years moved out last week and has no interest in reconciliation. Why don't you just ask your husband why he gets mad when you agree with him about something his mother has said or done? I can still remember standing up to my father in my 20s when he tried to get me to join in in ridiculing my mother. Who knows. But this is a private matter between you and your husband. I just re-read my last comment. Great people and the best standards in the business. Let me say upfront that what Im about to suggest in no way condones your husbands dishonesty; lies chip away at trust, eventually eroding it altogether. They have nothing to do with your marriage, because they are not in the marriage and you did not get married to them. A: Its good to hear from someone who has lived this ugly dynamic, and was able to change it. At this point, I am tired of being treated like a heartless person because I do my best to stay away from him. No one deserves to put up with his behavior. One day he visits the hospital, the other day Maths with a son. When his mom calls to talk with him he says mom i am married now i have a wife. Should I? Create your own boundaries, your husband will start realizing what is possible and what is not possible. I go out of my way to be nice to them and don't ever have disagreements with his family or anything. It does bother me that she is like this because she knows what she is done and she knows it affects my husbad but I'm mad about how my husband reacts when I side with him or say anything about it. Then if a further diagnosis is needed, he needs to see a sleep specialist. Children pick up these disrespectful cues Include your own parents in your family holidays and when he is buying sarees for his mom, buy the same ones for your mom too. But in their home the adults are supposed to explain what is and isnt acceptable behavior. He's definitely doing that on purpose. It seems like anything that comes of out of my cousins mouth warrants a snide retort from one child or the other. I do not understand what You see as an issue here. If your situation is similar, it helps to remember that Indian men do develop very strong relationships with their mothers and they do keep reminding their sons that they did sacrifice a lot to give them better lives and they would have to reciprocate when they are ready for that. Do not build resentment over this. It doesnt sound like you need psychological counseling, just a better system for making financial decisions. Over the years we are able to talk more openly about each others family because we are solid and we even laugh a little too! I'm upset with my husband getting mad at me for anything. (Sign up here to get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week. You dont just make the do not invite list for no reason. Tempted teetotaler: I quit drinking two years ago after a 10-year battle with alcoholism. Id say you should express concern not just for the animal (which is the obvious issue) but also about how traumatizing it will be for him if the dog is too much to handle, wont let him rest, or has to be rehomed if it doesnt work out. As I previously asked, whats next, the baby-making party? Send questions for publication here. I have continued going to work because I dont want to sit at home and cry, but Im not ready to tell anyone, but my closest friends. And when this line of defense fails, the first crack in the marriage appears. Well, I'm glad that you two have found the same page to be on. WebMy (20F) boyfriend (21M) and I cant seem to agree on our boundaries with female friends. Emily Yoffe, aka Dear Prudence, is on Washingtonpost.com weekly to chat live with readers. I couldn't help it but I just laughed. Does your home feel like a Dharamsala where relatives walk in without even calling and expect you to leave everything and make tea and snacks for them the moment they show their face? It has become so bad that I spend all night staying up thinking about if we can afford things even though I know I can. To everyone - Londers,Brice,Tinnkker and especially you Specialmom, thanks for your advice. Even if it may not sound like it, I appreciate your adv Bring him/her coffee every morning. Should I Use It. He knew I was mad because normally i would keep on (I know bad habit). A: Steve, you know Ive decided to stop drinking. They are still texting everyday and I feel like a third wheel to whatever this friendship is. I'm guessing he just wanted to avoid the topic all together and was hoping it would just go away??? He is naturally protective My husband never stands up for me. Many men If he heads for his parents room after office, you tell him thats just fine but he has to ensure after that when he is with you the door of your room is closed and you have your own space. Ultimatums wont solve the actual problem (whatevers going on in your marriage) that created this problem (lying about the texts) in the first place. I don't tend to "sugar coat" many things. I don't think my comment is being read the way it's actually meant. My boyfriend invited his ex-wife over for dinner. Babies and in-Laws: Due to the economy and the price of real estate in our area, my husband, myself and our almost 4-year-old child are currently living with my parents, renting their basement while we save up for a down payment for a place of our own. There can be situations, sometimes unavoidable circumstances, that make a man choose his family, but he will surely expect your support. If you missed Part 1 of this weeks chat, click here to read it. Im with you that its incredibly rude that you werent included in the invitation to your SILs 40th birthday party. I told him he was right and that there is no issue at all and I walked out. Who knows in the process hed probably realize a few things and will be able to create the boundaries. Tell him you understand there are difficulties and sensitivities with his family, but now that youve got a baby coming, its more important than ever to set some standard for how people treat each other. It surely sounds as if he has some kind of sleep disorder and likely its treatable. I asked him to visit a marriage therapist together and he said hes not ready to work on our marriage, and thinks he needs to see a grief therapist instead. Anything else is just tolerating (and therefore enabling) his racism. Q. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. So you shouldnt have any trouble finding some talking points for the substance of your argument. If you dont like it, why you try cooking next time? but thats it. I agree with you, Mom, that a return to contained and modest celebrations is to be much hoped for. Right now your position is: End the texting or Ill leave. The above was just an example. Again, one would need to know history and dynamics. That way there is no misunderstanding and festering. I made my family (me, husband and kids) the way we wanted to be. I think, since were technically living with my parents, we should ask for their blessing before we start trying. This could get really annoying because this is one of the tell-tale signs your husband puts his family first. But in dealing with his sister, everyone else is always in the wrong, and in this case you have nothing to be sorry for. Maybe the ex is intimidating (always a leader that meets their match). And then post marriage, you wonder why your husband chooses his family, again and again,hurting you in the process. WebAssistir Dortmund X RB Leipzig - Ao Vivo Grtis HD sem travar, sem anncios. I called him a mamas boy. Besides having a family holiday does not mean having the elderly with you all the time. And for them, you have been giving that zip-lining and bungee jumping holidays a miss. I work in a large office where most people have known me through my entire relationship with my husband (seven years). They have a largely happy married life, except for one aspect the sticky mother-in-law woes. My sister-in-law is repeatedly nasty to me and I find it upsetting and unjustified. I feel theyre now old enough to be addressed as the young women theyre becoming and understand the implications of their actions. Sometimes MOM is the leader of the pack and whether he thinks it's right or wrong he will stand up for his own. It might make sense to talk to at least a few other people who are recovering alcoholics to hear about how they handle these situations, and learn about whether and why they see value in being open about their reasons. Talk to you next week! Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! Either way, you wont be able to have a conversation about his texting that will be helpful to you individually or as a couple until a deeper understanding is reached. His ex has done so much to alienate the relationship between my husband and his daughter that his daughter will barely say two words to him and completely ignores any attempt he does to make contact. They didn't care that he didn't have any of his things with him, they just locked him out one night. Q. Celebration Overload: I have three sons in their late 20s and early 30s. WebYou can never separate a husband from his mom. Her two children, who are their early teens, are horrible to her. And when I am ready, how do I tell my co-workers and clients? I hope so. Or is he trying to get back at you for feeling like you don't care for his parents (not saying you don't care for them but he may perceive it that way)? And its the actual problem that needs addressing. Join the live chat Mondays at noon. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. And your husband ends up giving more importance to that because that is what he has been used to seeing in his family. I have kept this secret for more than 20 years. You really have gotten good advice above. Q. Thanks for your feedback. By Emily Yoffe. My friend is handling things all right but is more concerned about her now-widower father, who is apparently struggling to leave the house and has nothing to do (he is retired). I'm not saying your mom this or that. As his wife, you could have been devastated by this decision but your husband chooses his family over you and tells you, looking after his family is his duty and you have to accept that since you are married to him. I can tell, though, that shes hurt by these remarks. Is this just the trend of celebrations now and I should go along with it? In that case, you will have to support him to stand by his family. The issue isn't about the ex, that was an example of what happened recently. Learn how your comment data is processed. He has always been prioritizing them in small ways and does not realize how much he is hurting you by giving you a second-citizen treatment. What to do when your husband is too attached to his family and they get a say in all decisions big and small regarding your lives and that of your children? I announced my pregnancy to both families at 20 weeks. i agr.ee with ( specialmom )just focus on him .Forget the rest. No worries about the "slamming" comment/joke etc. Read some reputable books on creating a budget and living within it. I find it extremely difficult to be emotionally supportive when he wakes up at 3 a.m. crying and tremblingyet I dont have the heart to yell at him like I want to. That is the reason you got married. If I even express how I don't understand how his mom can be so friendly with his ex-wife he gets mad at me. Good morning - Well I brought it up last night and at first it did not go well. He completely denied there was even an issue. Denied he gets upset, I don't understand it and I've had it!! My sister didnt tell me until I called her to inquire about something and found out she was at the hospital with him. If he's not, divorce him and find someone better. First, about the lying: Sometimes people lie because the person requesting the truth makes the truth telling so aversive. While this can become a sore point in the relationship, its not something you may want to jeopardize your marriage over. He tells me I am overreacting and that I should get over it. These are: 1. sorry if it doesn't. It's supposed to say "Despite it does bother me how my MIL has been acting with my husband ex after what she is done, I'm mad about how my husband react when I say anything even if it's when I'm siding with hi. I cant imagine how hes going to explain that departure to potential employers. This brings us to the perennial dilemma of what to do when your husband is too attached to his family. Often when people feel betrayed, theyre so wrapped up in hurt and anxiety that they lack curiosity about the person they feel betrayed by. You have to accept that the days of the DIY wedding are gone. It would seem odd to tell a therapist, Im happy and have no real problems, but I have night terrors.. WebIf you want your wife to respect you, you have to respect and protect her dignity. In that case, you have to understand his true feelings or maybe encourage him to break the patriarchal norms of the family. However, recently we have been having a lot of disagreements surrounding the topic of female friends. Related Reading: 5 ways to deal with your husbands parents.