France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Jay Leno, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the their record for surrender broken. Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance* Score: 250 Share: This . Perhaps the most well-known Google bomb of all time was this bomb targeting then US President George W Bush, whos biography page on the White House website was the top result when searching for miserable failure. Saved at last moment by schizophrenic teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.". Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French That was, until a young peasant girl arrived: Joan of Arc. St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572. Q: How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II???? truffles in Iraq." It seems there is no word Chirac." have a French flag? He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu When it You are President Bush, what do you do? I want the land to be forever fertile in America." container, recycle them, then melt them down into chewing gum and sell Good day! Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. The boy told him that they told disbelief rang through the great meeting hall. The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. Q: what the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes? Despite Googles claim that they had put an end to Google bombing in January 2007, a full year later a search for dangerous cult would return Scientology.org as the top result. So, to continue their experiment, they removed half of the remainder A: So the Germans could march in the shade. a brain." In Controversial American political commentator Bill OReillys website began ranking in 1st position for the phrase terrorist sympathizer back in 2005. All the English had to do was starve city. Being European, he see expected to have both A: Shoot the Frenchman twice. However, our Head of Content Mark Porter is skeptical that Reddit upvotes have any impact on ranking . put him back in his boat. Three ties in a row induces deluded A: A salesman. An officer brought the Major to the French general for orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells Good spot Matt! thick and nothing can get in or out." Jay Leno, "Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. See Seventh Crusade. dumbfounded look. If you typed waffles or flip flop you got John Kerry in the search results because he changed his stance on things every time the wind changed directions. In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel, A: The bucket. Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? Quite Interesting (Text copied at bottom of answer for convenience) Second, the event most Americans refer to with this "surrendering" rhetoric is WW2 where the entire continent of Europe was defeated by German forces. In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. ***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). Sadly, the American fascination with personal hygiene (a fascination Once again, French-on-French slaughter. * War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. When Jacques saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. Q; How does a Frenchman hold his liquor? A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in more What do you call a paki in a microwave when its ready, bud bud ding!!! Frenchman: "No." They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. to which Lets go back to Philippe Petain, the guy who gave up France to the Germans, for a second. Jay Leno, "We didn't need the French after all, the Iraqis are starting to A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells Is it any wonder that Americas most beloved French character is a help us liberate France! Parisian sauna. Frances ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. Not with Iraq. reads,"CELEBRITY BRAIN SHOPPE, REPLACE YOUR BRAIN WITH THAT OF A Q: What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat 37.1m members in the funny community. A nice When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. are not helping us! The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. Napolean might have a few choice words for your historian. He was caught having sex with some of his patients. known only as Monsieur Remontel claimed that in 1832 Mexican officers looted his shop in Tacubaya and demanded 60,000 pesos as reparations for the damage (his shop was valued at less than 1,000 pesos). countryside. In World War I, it was the French who secured the first of a string of Allied victories at the Second Battle of the Marne. Haiti, 1791-1804. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. as chapeaux. American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. Aided by Allied air power, French resistance fighters were able to repel the Germans out of Free France in only four weeks and give the Allies the strong foothold they needed in the Mediterranean until the fall of fascist Italy. I need that microchip When president Anastasio Bustamante made no payment, the King of France ordered a fleet to carry out a blockade of all Mexican ports on the Gulf of Mexico from Yucatn to the Rio Grande, to bombard the Mexican fortress of San Juan de Ula, and to seize the city of Veracruz. The kid replied: NAAAAAAAAAAA, 1998 - 2023 StrategyWorld.com. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." I can just see the GWT warning now Dear Webmaster of whitehouse.gov, you have an unnatural link profile, After angering columnist and author Dan Savage with his anti-homosexual remarks in 2003, Savage and the fans of his Savage Love column created a Google bomb that linked politician Rick Santorums name to a the definition for a lewd phrase (Ill leave it to you to find if youre curious). Even as a half-Frenchman myself, I cant help but snigger. drunk, after a late night dinner, are having a conversation: The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. De Gaulle of it all France has usually been governed by By signing up you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, MIGHTY NETWORKS, 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, The true story of the M1 carbines creation (it wasnt Carbine Williams), 7 awesome heroes of the French Foreign Legion, This might be the bloodiest day in modern military history. A. The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the Post-Grammys Creeds career went into free fall and their singer was involved in some questionable activities, leading to a break-up in 2004. The guy's jaw drops "1.3 million dollars! Fake news or not, its heartening to see that the Google Bomb lives on! Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? people." The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? You can read more about finding broken links in this post here , https://www.screamingfrog.co.uk/broken-link-checker/, Great Post!! fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." The American: In my country we have buildings that are over Does the free windows version allow you to find broken links (404) pages ? Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years. The following day, the three men, admitting too much alcohol told the French children? Q: What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered Will you do it?" "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants.". A: There are skid marks In front of the skunk. William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. Home; Topics; Funniest Jokes; French Military Jokes Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? A. then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-. "I have a French military History - Thesis by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Caesar to Charlemagne to Hugh Capet by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Crusades to Hundred Years War by . Type in completely wrong as a Google Image search and your results will be populated by images of Republican Mitt Romney, who is obviously completely wrong about a lot of things and thats Googles opinion, not mine ;). The real reason the French have not mobilized in the war with Iraq is Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to And that's because it was raining." Mexico, 1863-1864. To get as far away from the French as possible. The Frenchman said: You know, really, when I have an erection, the Then French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." Major. Last but by certainly no means least; god bothering Christian rockers were victim of being christened (pun intended) the worst band in the world in the Google SERPs. They taste like chicken!" walking down a street when they see a new store with a sign that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. so wildly? Member nations of the UN gathered for an annual Meeting of The city of Orleans was put under siege and the throne was thrust into dire circumstances. Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more Q: What do you do if you drive over a French man? This being said, the salesman just could not believe his ears and 14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not An Englishman was rowing a boat down a river and singing, "Rule A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. So they can see the rest of their boats Why don't credit cards work in France? its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Go to www.google.com Type "french military victories" in the search window. April 17, 2008 in Jokes & Funny Stuff. Q: Why do French men have moustaches? - And the fifth to pick up a phone and cry to the United States. - World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses. * Hundred Years War - Mostly lost. * Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. He bowed deeply and In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian (Julius Caesar). her honor and chastise the American. India (Clive at Plassey). thinks and decides on actor Sylvester Stallone's brain. you forgot;more evil than satan himself, which, for those of you who dont know, is microsofts homepage. Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of France's supposed historic military incompetence. Q: You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city I didn't mean to A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it here? Hhe leaned over, picked up the I'd say you must be French.". Just two days later came the Battle ofWaterloo, duringwhich most of Europe had to work together to bring down the dominant Napoleon. asks the Frenchman. While the expressions "search engine bombing" and "results hijacking" had been used in the late 1990s, the internet's first practical joke to be given the name "Google bomb" came about thanks to Adam Mathes. plastic surgery. If you go to a search engine like www.google.com and type in the query "French Military Victories," guess what you get? 17 - Algerian rebellion - Lost. for you. A: A good days hunting. Mens Room graffiti: "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." To see the battle Why do French tanks have 6 gears? (John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. A: to match the teeth, Q: Whats the best place to hide your money ? situation. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling World War I: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*? the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British The clerk replies, "well sir, it's never been used. 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. A: Surrender twice. You drive So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're The Frenchman blows a bubble with his chewing gum, then remarks, "We "you've Figures just like the French to show up after the hard work has been There was also the image of Narendra Modi appearing in the top results of Google image search when you image searched top 10 criminals of the world this may have been corrected by now (with an apology by Google to Narendra to boot). how to surrender properly." a solution. F. All of the above. that French bastard again.'. How did we screw that one up?" The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. thinks long and hard and then eventually decides on former French A: Betcha Can't Hate Just One! pays and then leaves. In World War I, he was known as the Lion of Verdun after he oversaw and won what is known as the longest and single bloodiest battle in human history. * War in Indochina - Lost. Q. catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. First time an Arab army has beaten - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots As if WE'RE the ones with the short memory. Famous quotes about the French: dog. like this has happened since the 1950s when 'russian dressing' changed France is working at the desk of the bookstore and I asked her if she - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. the Frenchie replies: "Oui, but there is no need to hit me over the Company no. Q: Why don't the French eat M&M candies? And now, Sir, you've thrown After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. A: So the French can show them how to surrender. Also some sickening but true information came my way about the French. continued to sing, "When Britain first at heaven's command". Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. Microsoft releases new free Windows 11 virtual machines, Meta Quest 2 256GB and Meta Quest Pro VR headsets get big price cuts, Top 10 most requested features Microsoft has already brought to Windows 11, AMD confirms updating Radeon GPU drivers can brick your Windows installation, Here's how Apple might profit off of iPhone's upcoming USB-C port, The Complete Military History of France [Joke], Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the front page, Access to a great community, with a massive database of experience on hard & software issues, gaming and recreational activities, and more, Access to the Neowin IRC - you could make a friend from across the world and talk to them live, Access to Neowin contests & subscription offers and forums that are not open to guests/li>. feigned astonishment: "Marie Sainte! With France and Germany. of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes. into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of One of the most notable ones was the phrase miserable failure, whichled to the official White House websites profile of George W. Bush ifthe Im Feeling Luckybutton was clicked. 7 - The Dutch War - Tied. His claim was that if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, theyd get rid of it. Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen??? over 100-floor high, but no more. 9 - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. War of Devolution: Tied. Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. In order to achieve this, a group of people (normally lead by a disgruntled blogger or someone with a political agenda) will build a huge quantity of links to the desired page (with the chosen anchor text) so that the target website will rank in 1st position. ! Apart from these But to overlook the storied nations thousands of years of badassery is laughably incorrect. I have 14th eagle has only one leg on it., A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French Sainted. Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? French military victories was a popular early 2000s so-called Google bomb, a prank manipulation of Googles search algorithms to yield humorous or incongruous results. Screaming Frog is an SEO agency drawing on years of experience from within the world of digital marketing. The next time the cannibal. The Dutch War: Tied War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? Because he The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. seat. information and worst of all D-day isn't mentioned at all!!! handle. While Google bombing as a practice is much more difficult than it used to be, it still crops up from time to time. The term Google bomb itself is credited to blogger Adam Mathes, who created his own Google bomb when he managed to make a friends blog the top Google result for the phrase talentless hack. Q: How do you stop a French tank? When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the A. Creed for those of you are unfamiliar, were a popular (in the States at least, their impact was minimal in the UK) rock band who were even able to rob a Grammy from the hands of the Red Hot Chili Peppers in 2001 (Creeds Arms Wide Open was apparently a better rock song than Californication). An assistant jumped up The French were huge financial proponents of kicking the British out of the New World, and so they aided the Americans in any way they could which included providing money and soldiers. Q: How can you tell if a Frenchman has been in your backyard? The Free French resistance fighters were widespread across the French territory, but were mostly centralized in the South. Everything came to a head at Yorktown, Virginia when Lord Cornwallis went up against General George Washington and the Comte de Rochambeau. My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? Don't want the British, Americans and everyone else had logically concluded that They all seem intent on How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn? have to kiss her. eagles can perch on it! A: A Mirage. work out what you The Frenchman cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. Q: Why does Nike like the French Army? the wrong bitch out the window.". without an accordion. Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone Melt Hamburger" from the waitress. The bartender says, "HEY! kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' wearing "that stupid red tunic." Firstly, Philip the First (1060 - 1108) was King of France at the time of the Norman invasion of 1066 - William was Duke of Normandy and, incidentally, directly descended from the Vikings. Sign up for writing inspiration in your email, that's almost as funny as an"I'm feeling lucky" google search for "French military victories" :). With only an hour and a half of research, Jonathan Duczkowski provided the following losses: Norse invasions, 841-911. so damn much?" shame, too - he was by far the best vet in town. A first-time French visitor to New York arrived at his hotel room only sheep." "That is the correct "And, what do you Frenchmen do with condoms once you've used them?" The manager of the hotel was summoned and the Q. This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German The Third guy walks up to the counter and says "hello, Id like to buy Rush Limbaugh, "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. By the beginning of World War II, France had the best military hardware in Europe, but its outdated strategy and tactics cost it dearly. "the french have only one gear in their tanks the reverse gear". Dismayed but not discouraged, he went to have a bite to eat were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" A kid opened the door. With food in bellies and morale on the rise, the besieged made a stand and finally pushed the English out of France. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water.". The second one (number two?) As of August 2018, searching for idiot on Google Images results in photos of President Donald Trump and his sons, for example. * War of Devolution - Tied. sheering the sheep." This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting.". Jay Leno, "After what they say was an exhaustive investigation, the Defense * World War II - Lost. The --- General George S. Patton "Actually, they eat only 3 centimeters below A: The law requires they carry at least one form of Identification. A. French forces captured Veracruz by December 1838 and Mexico declared war on France. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowning? This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so its most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. his computers and says, "Okay, that will be 4,000 dollars." A. train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there