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I usually just say Im doing laundry. When Im asked that question (by people other than DD), I usually go with Why do you ask?. Sometimes I feel like this is just another Hi, how are you? kind of question that can be sort of skipped over. Helen Huntingdon mentioned interruptingI just want to say, thats a helluva an assumption. I actually have an answer for this one. On the other end, I have a tactic for weekend planning. I understand theyre looking for an ice breaker, but its not that interesting to talk about Ill probably get to laundry if Im not too lazy. I wish there was another common conversation starter among people you already know. Being one half of a couple is also very handy in this respect. When she asks me what Im doing on a particular day, I just say Im not sure or I need to check my calendar until she tells me what she wants. Well, here's that question again: do you know what you want to do with your life or are you still trying to figure it out? - Anthony Burgess - Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week. Of course, you can replace "great" with any adjective (positive or negative) that describes your day in a general way. I think theres some ask culture vs. guess culture stuff in here too? You: Oh, I have a few plans but Im free for the good stuff!. Any/all such inquiries get an automatic Unsure have to ask my other half., Sans that Id just go with Unsure. 2. And I hate being rude, also as a woman I am hardcore trained to not ever be rude, so at this point for me sticking to my guns and saying no, I cant do that thing with you (even though this person now knows I technically CAN) is very difficult because it turns into: I dont WANT to do this thing with you, and thats a no-no (around here, I mean). ***I realize some people do not have strong preferences about things I have read the CA letters about this very subject and sometime it is okay to say you dont have a preference, but it never hurts to actually engage in the decision making process instead of just dumping it all on another person. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @Helen Huntingdon, that is good to know, re feelings and setting off yellow flags. But, I think the conclusion there is, thats not on me. The fallout you talk about? Its great! Dont for a second feel guilty about judging a nosy male as no good if they ask nosy questions and show any sign of caring if you dont answer. Relatedly, this is not an impolite thing to say. I say nothing much and the other person responds, yeah, its nice to be lazy sometimes, right? And I dont want to get into how no, its not lazy to need time to recuperate and our society puts too much pressure on needing to be constantly productive and not respect ourselves as people. Just wow. Why, whats up?, Yessss exactly. My blood pressure. or are you busy?). Especially since shes not working during the dayshe only HAS leisure time.). Thats because I regard is as manipulative and Im very surprised that some people consider it a way to make saying no easier instead of harder. Note that LW says when it comes to friend-peer interactions, its fine, other than reminding LW of the more problematic interactions. One of my friends always answered (very cheerily): Dont know! Funny Responses to "How Are You?" that will make people laugh Science of People 815K subscribers Subscribe 3K Share 53K views 7 months ago #vanessavanedwards #conversation #communication How. "Weekends are days to refuel your soul and to be grateful for the blessings that you have." - Anonymous 2. No Response. Its 2018. The bigger words you use, the better. I used this to train my mom to use text/email instead, because 1) I hate phone and 2) a written message means much less chances of either one of us getting the details wrong. Im asking because you absolutely will pay for it in terms of impacts on the long-term relationship with the person she will become. And then when you part somebody accidentally says love you, too. Thats how it always happens for me, anyway. I think you nailed it with that last bit, to an epic degree. It feels invasive what I do on my weekends is my business. But it is a cost. Other commenters have given great scripts. This auto-reply is just to let you know. morning (and then bending my ear the whole way up the road, when if we were alone Id be chatting to my kids, and we quite like that) to the point where the doorbell would go and my kids would be saying oh god no, not them again! and Im shushing them, but feel exactly the same way. I think theres a frustratingI dont know what to call it, but adding monetary transaction to a relationship doesnt always make it better. Born and bred in southern California, how are you? asked of/by a stranger functions, for me, like any scripted greeting, pretty comparable to an all right with or without the interrogative in that a detailed (or even particularly honest) response is not expected and in many cases wont be acknowledged because it wont be heard (because no one is listening for it). 1. I've Tried, but No One Listens Hopefully Not as Good as I'll Ever Be If I Was Any Better, Vitamins Would Be Taking Me Okay. My ILs do this. Its just that nobody expects a stranger or lesser known acquaintance to actually want to answer the question literally. What are you doing Thursday? I know it is super common usage as a general term for silly / disorganised but its actually an ablist term which a lot of people with disabilities have had thrown at them as a slur. LWs parent. On the other hand, being around them makes my shoulders go up around my ears. !" I think one way of dealing with this is to explicitly put the hard invitation back in their court. Because it's funny when friends say they'd only run in chased and we know that's perfect because we could run longer. LW, I forgot the part where you said some of this is coming from people youre chatting to on dating websites, and you feel like its an attempt to get you to plan the date. That is my current standard response. I have a group of friends now whom I trust not to give me a hard time about the explicit choice to paint my toenails in front of Netflix instead of going out. Maybe we could get together. This sentence should never be solo. Basically the thing you wrote about duties like babysitting, expanded to fun events. It gives the impression that Id rather do nothing than spend time with you or help you with something (which may very well be true, but is often not a conversation worth having). It avoids (in their mind) making the person feel pressured to commit if they dont actually want to. I think it goes back to the same annoyng assumption there are people who assume your time is theirs. Guys, sorry, I wont be able to make it., The kitty I am catsitting has fallen asleep in my lap. parents of adult children pull this exact same rude little stunt, I am the parent of an adult child who is living at home, and I have been training myself since her teenhood to say, I would like to claim some of your time this weekend or I would like to ask a favor for this weekend, if youre available. or would you help me with X instead of are you busy? (OK, sometimes Ill say, Are you busy? Do not copy, print, or repost entire posts elsewhere without written permission. No, they just assume that you will want to do the thing. I have friends who grew up in Poland but have been UK citizens for decades at the tops of their highly-respected professions. In fact, you probably have all of these thoughts when a guy asks, "What are you doing this weekend?". Oh thanks capn for the hilarious answers!!! They help us tons, just because they love us and were family. But if her idea is super cool or needs to be done on a certain date, Ill absolutely shelve my TV watching for another night! Other Half keeps the diary, I need to check.. For people I know, the answer is closer to what you say is the norm in Sweden anything from Having a truly awesome day to Need more coffee to counteract the baby waking up an hour before the alarm. For close friends, I can and have answered with details about what the brain weasels are up to today. How about you? If they push after that, theyre admitting theyre either not listening or not respecting my feelings. It doesnt matter if those plans are eating candy while watching Netflix with no pants on, they technically are plans. Funny Answers to How Are You Doing? I get a bit awkward when people ask me that question too, because of the whole half-agreeing to plans before theyre actually exposed (I never considered it nosy personally but I can see how it might come across that way). 04 Mar 2023 17:27:26 Most of what I get out of asking that conversation is sharing of day to day stuff about what we both have happening and are maybe looking forward to [that I can be happy or excited about for them] or things coming up they are anxious about or having other difficult feelings about [that they can talk about if they want to, or that I then know they might be having a difficult time on Tuesday so I should give them a ring then and see how it went/offer support if they want to process through talking]. OMG yes! Probably so he can finish the conversation with enjoy [fun thing]. I dont feeling hes hitting on me exactly, though I am not answering in a way he likes/expects (am I supposed to be chatty bc Im young-ish and female? 1. a s h l e y. If anyone else runs into this, Im not free on Saturday, so Ill see you some other time! is a perfectly polite and respectful response. And then deflect back on to them. Here in Scandinavia using this question might lead to really strange conversations since people might assume that it is indeed a serious question which deserves a serious and thorough answer (though this varies between different countries and areas). Its all back to the lines of dominance and power again. Xoxo. Its really cool to see how other people approach this stuff and I liked learning from your comment! I also see are you free Saturday? or What are you doing tonight? as potential traps and in part its because in college the manager of the dining hall I worked at would call, start with What are you doing tonight? and then argue that whatever I said was less important than covering a shift for someone. Because Im white, I fortunately have the privilege of knowing that 9 times out of 10 its just genuine curiosity and an attempt at polite small talk (theres always the 1 thats still xenophobic, though, like the cashier who blurted out when are you leaving, then? or the psychiatrist who refused me medical treatment because I should be going back to my home country soon anywayIm married and staying here, sorry to disappoint). I get tempted to make stuff up like join the circus or sky diving or whatnot. Sometimes my kids and I need that to be family time, so were going to block that out going forward., one of those people who force you to be blunt., Indeed, do say to her: Im going to ask you guys to walk to school on your own; trying to coordinate with your family is simply too much stress for us. Is it OK to invite the usual people? (If they meant the invitation) Them : OH! This is about the blandest, most banal small talk question I can think of.). I dont use it myself because I dont like the way it comes across. This relationship goes both ways. She got like that by working three times as hard as everyone else and being three times as smart as everyone else. , Related the person who just assumes youre doing whatever theyve planned for you because its a family thing and youre family or I asked Z and they said you were free* or What else would you be doing? If I catch myself, before they respond lll clarify what my actual invitation is. Im a hardcore introvert, most of my plans are sitting at home, not doing anything in particular and if I answer the question truthfully, and then there comes the invitation, Im in a very tight spot because I already admitted that I dont have anything serious enough to warrant me declining the offer. But sometimes that comes across as I just dont want to, and thats pretty hurtful. It doesnt actually mean how are you? in the same way that goodbye does not actually mean God be with you. What it means is, I acknowledge you, fellow human being. In some ways, its helpful to think of it not as a phrase but as a pair of words: how-are-you, fine-thanks-and-you. I grew up in the Guessiest Guess household ever my mother once quit a job because they said they liked her work so much that theyd like her to do more shifts, and she was angry at being put in the position of having to say no so I didnt come out of childhood equipped with much of a toolbox for saying no assertively. Me: Nope. . Or you pretend to suddenly get involved in learning new cooking recipes, or working on your car, or doing competitive chess, or something that isnt a once-a-month kind of hobby. (Whether there will be some negative family fallback I dont know). Ill have to check with E and let you know is super convenient. I feel like sometimes there is such a huge anti-parent bias among the commenters here. friend: yep cool But I think its disingenuous? Examples include: Good, nice sunny day out there. But I explained that I feel like Im being put on the spot- and I would prefer that she just ask me what she wants. If you already made someone admit that they do not have Serious Plans, of course at this point saying no to your invitation is going to be so much more difficult, because its going to be rude! Rob: Hey Jan. Good, thanks, you? If banal small talk that most people use is offensive to you, thats on you to tell people, I think. etc. Why is that worth it? And Im totally ok with that. If they really are trying to manipulate you then Im afraid having just the right words wont fix it you will probably have to say no directly when they finally get to their request. In ways that I doubt he even always notices. More and more, Ive been owning that I dont ever have to say yes. I can vouch for this strategy! I decided we couldnt be friends anymore after one time I told her I couldnt babysit and she said, Your calendar says youre free. Shes right to find it othering and exhausting. So threatening to make her move out is just not wise.