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Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…
J.K.
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…
Gary
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
your depth of understanding, and talent at sharing it amaze me. Speechless… and for your sharing of it.. Thank you… deeply. *sigh, its like coming back into my body through acceptance….. Sherrie on space2live
Sherrie
Because of your blog, I know that it is possible for me to have the love that I want one day and that I don’t have to be alone.  — Indepthwoman  on space2live
Indepthwoman
Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
Megan
THANK YOU….. you just summed up my swirling thoughts into something i can read with out everything else in my head meshing with it. I finally feel like i can explain what happens within without getting distracted. I’m an Introvert with ADD and it makes it so hard to explain quite what im feeling sometimes. — M.G. on space2live
M.G.

“I was struggling with my daughter (16 at the time) and our constant fighting. You said something to me that changed my life! You were speaking about your own situation and you said to me “my child could not handle my emotions”. This was a HUGE “lightbulb moment” for me and it forever changed the way I dealt with my emotions when I was around my daughter!

I am happy to say that things have never been better between my soon to be 18 year old daughter and myself! I honestly never thought we would…

Mom M

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5 Most Popular Posts of 2018: Relationships, Why We Act Introverted and the Avoidant Attachment Style

2018 reading

Wow! I can’t believe we are at the end of 2018. I like to look back at the top posts — determined by highest average number of views — on brendaknowles.com for the year. It is a nice way for me to see what I learned in the last 12 months and what you, the reader, found most interesting.

Here are the top posts and a brief summary of each, in order of popularity:

  1. Avoidant Attachment in Adult Relationships: The Truth Behind Our Need to Be Alone.

“People with an avoidant attachment style grew up with caregivers who devalued or avoided emotional and physical closeness. Dependency was denied, leaving the child to figure out ways to self-soothe and regulate their own emotions.” As adults, this habit of self-soothing and fear of rejection, cause many of us to withdraw from our partners. This degrades the security of the relationship. This post offers ways to increase closeness and security in our relationships.

2. How We Move from Insecure to Secure Relationships: 3 Stages.

At first, a person with a past of traumatic attachment chooses someone as a partner who reinforces their negative beliefs about themselves.” We gravitate to what is familiar. This is a subconscious act. As we mature and become more conscious we choose partners who make us feel safe and thus make it easier for us to open up to them and offer reassurance as well. This post walks through the three stages and offers help in determining how secure your relationship is.

3. The Biggest Wound of Relationships and How to Avoid It.

“Each little choice to not be present or attentive feels like a mini-rejection to our nervous systems. We implicitly feel disconnected. Intellectually, we tell ourselves, He’s busy minding the kids or She’s got a deadline at work or He’s really tired, but our primitive brain does not care how great our intellect is or how rational we are.” Want to avoid a nuclear meltdown in your relationship? Check out this post. It offers ways to maintain stability that you can do independently and with your partner.

4. Feeling Unseen: This Is What Cherished Feels Like.

“In many ways we treat our spouses like parents treat children. We don’t have the time and energy to consistently enchant or be enchanted. We we see our partners every day so it is difficult to create fresh curiosity for each other.” Feeling cherished by someone fortifies us against the times we have to endure difficult situations and emotions. This post reminds us what it feels like to have someone enchanted with us.

5. Why We Act Introverted: It’s Not Just Our Nature.

“…according to studies, we inherit only about half of our introverted traits. What else makes us retreat to the safety of our own company? What else causes us to create distance between ourselves and the ones we love?” In this post you’ll learn both the inborn and social reasons for introverted behavior. This is a good post to share with a loved one who does not understand your need for quiet time or solitude.

Two other posts I personally recommend just because I experienced aha! moments while researching and writing them, are:

How Safety and Physiology Affect Our Socializing

and

Does Your Partner Accept Your Influence? The Importance of Sharing Decision-Making In a Relationship

 

May you find some comforting, helpful and insightful information in the above posts. I did! 😉 I look forward to sharing more stories and information with you in 2019! It’s going to be an incredible year.

Please tell me if any of my writing made a significant impact on you in 2018. If so, what and why? Also, I’d love to hear what you think I need to include more of in 2019.

Stay tuned for more info regarding the online courses I’m creating to be released in January and February 2019.

Happy New Year! Sending much warmth and love,

Brenda

 

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