Behind your greatest fear lies your greatest gift. ~ TUT, Notes from the Universe

I surrendered to one of my greatest fears today and after doubling over sobbing for ten minutes or so, I actually noticed a feeling of lightness, relief and freedom. Sort of like the paradoxical freedom I’ve heard terminally ill people feel when given the damning diagnosis. Now I know what’s going to get me and when. Total outrageous living starts now!

I made one of those adult-take the high road-gut wrenching decisions.  It wasn’t exactly Sophie’s Choice  — no one is dying — but it did involve the children/home/finances trifecta.  As so often happens, the answer came to me in the night. From the ether of semi-sleep and unguarded thoughts comes clarity.

Giving In Does Not Mean Losing

Last week in Are Introverts Givers or Takers? Does Managing Our Energy Limit our Generosity?, I wrote about giving and taking.  My new awareness and self-examination regarding giving definitely influenced my choice. I sincerely believe if you give for the benefit of others you will gain peace and contentment in the long run.  This, of course,  is not the rationale for doing good things. If you are gunning for a short-cut to peace and contentment you’ll be disappointed.  It takes genuine thoughtfulness and sacrifice.

Not Exactly Gracious At First

I can’t say that I took the high road from the beginning.  I was so pissed. My ego was wounded, raw and engaged. I cursed, lost sleep and may have  spewed venomous negativity while in the safe company of friends.

I let the worry and anger  eat at me until I wanted to throw up or rip my brain out for its incessant anxiety loop. As an introvert, you can imagine the amount of internal dialogue going on. I could almost feel the stress aging and sickening me.

Needless to say, my creativity was stifled this week.  There was little to no space for ingenuity and dreamy associations. This will be a short post but before I close I want to share something I learned.

Feeling Controlled?

Prior to making the decision I felt controlled and manipulated. I learned that giving and surrendering are the highest forms of freedom.  Choosing to give up or lose put me in charge. Please remember this when faced with what seems like a situation with no options.

Have you ever surrendered and felt relief? When was the last time you gave in? Are you afraid of being walked on?