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During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
Your words are my lifeline.  I sit down to your posts and as I read I can feel my acceptance of myself and my needs grow.  Your words validate my feelings about my life, motherhood, relationships and it is something I hold onto.  And during the times when I feel like I am not able to be a mother or a wife or a sister or a friend or whatever someone needs me to be, I go back to your words and find some peace…I send your posts to my husband when I need him to understand that I love him but I need …
D.R.
Because of your blog, I know that it is possible for me to have the love that I want one day and that I don’t have to be alone.  — Indepthwoman  on space2live
Indepthwoman
I met Brenda and took the MBTI… I had a fairly good understanding of these types before the meeting but was impressed by the depth of knowledge that Brenda shared with me. She clearly has a passion for this work and a gift in imparting the information. There have been doors opened for me because of our talks… — Alan Hintermeister
Alan Hintermeister
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
C.M.
You’re so honest in your writing. It’s bold. It’s frank. It’s wonderful. I could definitely see the work you are doing here as a useful book. It could save/make a lot of relationships! — Jimmi Langemo
Jimmi Langemo
Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…
Gary
I think I want to print out your articles and hand them out as a sort of relationship waiver form. “You want to be my friend?….You are interesting in going out? Here read this first. Sign here to acknowledge that you have read and understand the enclosed material. Thank you.” Seriously. I think it would work. — Guerin Moorman
Guerin Moorman
Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…
J.K.

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When Introverts Get Loud: Where Are You Using Your Voice?

speak-up Rebelle Society

via Rebelle Society

Have you ever made a remark within a group and basically been ignored and then moments later someone else says the same thing, only louder, and gets a round of cheers and a heap of credit? Isn’t that frustrating? When this happens to me I kick myself for not believing in my idea enough to say it with strength and conviction. Although I’m often quietly listening and observing as others tell tales and give directions, there are also times when I am unwaveringly vocal.

Quotation-Maggie-Kuhn-mind-Meetville-Quotes-175251

I am a voice

To a child silenced by injustice, I am a voice.    To a child with whom the world had broken faith, I am someone to believe in.   To a child lost in a nightmare,  I am permission to dream.   Where others are moved to pity, I am moved to action.    For while my appointment may come from a court, my calling comes from within.

Years ago when I was a Guardian Ad Litem, I ran across a poem called, I Am a Voice, in the CASA newsletter. I cut it out and taped it above my desk. The above lines were taken from that poem. The poem earned real estate above my desk because it spelled out my purpose and I liked the idea of being someone vocal. Shhhh Everyone, the quiet girl has something to say. I was doing something meaningful. I spoke with conviction on behalf of neglected and abused children. True, my heart raced and my voice was a tad shaky each time I stood before a judge and presented my recommendation but I was the children’s (shaky) voice and the judges, lawyers, case workers and parents listened. The sensitive feeling introvert in me is always drawn to the underdog and the under-heard. I want to protect them. I want to listen to them. I want to lift them up and show them their value. I am willing to use my loud voice and extrovert for them. As mentioned in Introverts Do It Passionately and Creatively: How It’s Possible to Love Solitude and Be Popular, introverts love to go deep into subjects and work they find meaningful. Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, calls these passions, core personal projects. Core personal projects give us the energy to stand up, fight, push forward, carry on, extrovert and speak up.

For you, anything

I’ve recently had the experience of literally speaking for someone. My mother has a form of ALS. Her facial and throat muscles are atrophying. While home for a visit, I made calls to friends and family to tell them what she couldn’t. I translated for doctors when they couldn’t understand her speech. I talked to pharmacists, physicians, hairstylists and telemarketers on the phone.

elder_abuseWhen her medication got mixed up I was on it, calling Walgreens, the doctor’s office and anyone who would listen. I asked as many questions as possible of the healthcare workers. When it comes to your health or that of someone you love, you have to be a fervent advocate. There’s no mush-mouthing your way through the healthcare system.

For many years my mom was the voice of encouragement for me. Our weekly phone conversations always made me feel supported and heard. Sadly, those phone conversations are becoming impossible because she is losing the ability to speak. Now it’s my turn to be the encouraging voice.

One night during my visit, after a brief nap and some restorative reading time, I found the clarity to really think about what to do to raise Mom’s spirits. I moved and sat on the floor next to her chair and listened with my heart wide open as she expressed her fears. I made her laugh by suggesting she do things she normally shouldn’t or wouldn’t do, like eat foods high in sodium (Ramen noodles, mmmmm) or smoke pot (Mom’s a straight arrow). I massaged her neck and shoulders with the calming essential oil I bought at the airport. I think it made her feel better. I know it made me feel better.

I found when it comes to someone I care about, I can push through the discomfort of emotionally charged and highly stimulating situations. I’ll speak up and take action even when I’m exhausted. It’s amazing what adrenaline and deep love will do for you. Even when the tank is empty, emotions sit on the nerve endings of your skin and you aren’t sleeping worth a damn, you press on. There really is no choice. Someone needs you. This is not to say I don’t lose it occasionally. I do. Some days the stimulation absorption level reaches complete saturation and my emotions and tears speak louder than my voice but then I find space to re-group and strength from relationships and carry on.

Question my values, hear me roar!

Please keep on writing with passion about us. We need your voice and perspective!!

— space2live reader Georgette

Last week I wrote about selling your introversion to the wrong audience and feeling invalidated. I admitted that members of my immediate family are embarrassed by my writing and its focus on introversion. I was nervous because I was going to present Myers Briggs material in my 14-year-old son’s Career Search class and he didn’t want me to. He specifically asked me not to talk about introversion or writing — two of my favorite interests.

One of my biggest values is that we all have the opportunity to be our true selves. As an introvert, that woman at windowoften means having meaningful relationships and incredible experiences but also needing time in stillness and solitude so that we can process our thoughts and feel whole again. It means having the freedom to go into our inner worlds without being judged as weird, anti-social or incompetent. We are not flawed. We are internally faceted. We have so much to offer in our own thoughtful, introspective, fascinating ways.

I’m a big advocate of slow living. Taking the time to experience what is happening to you. Not rushing, just soaking it all up.

I’ve learned to speak up about these values with significant others, friends and family. It’s not easy asking for space from those in our inner circles but if we don’t our minds will be toast and our tone will be sharp. It’s not easy going against the general belief that extroversion is normal and introverts should strive for extroverted traits, but I’m willing to shout for our nature’s acceptance and respect.

The Myers Briggs presentations to the teen classes went so well! I had fun putting together the Powerpoint the day before. It made me realize how much I love this kind of work. Admittedly, during the presentation I was nervous and my voice was shaky at first (my son told me) but then my passion for the subject matter and these kids’ futures took over and I enjoyed myself. My son came up to talk to me at the end of class and while he stood there another young man came up and timidly but solidly shook my hand and said, Thank you. He said he had gotten a lot out of what I said. That was all I needed. Mission accomplished. My son texted me later and said I did a good job. Added bonus. The teacher loved having me there and asked if I would like to present in her class each term. She also took my card and said she thinks other teachers in her department would be interested in my work. Double bonus! The presentations had elements of everything this sensitive introvert stands for: Championing the underdog,  establishing boundaries, supporting personal values, doing meaningful work, spreading awareness, strengthening relationships and most importantly, accepting differences. For these, I’m willing to get loud.

What gives you the courage and energy to speak up? Where are you too quiet?

If this post spoke to you, you may also enjoy:

There’s Nothing Wrong with You. You’re an Introvert.

 Building Beautiful Introvert/Extrovert Relationships

Masquerading As Everyone Else’s Expectations: Finding Your True Identity As An Introverted Idealist

All Day Long Wearing a Mask of False Bravado: Stop Hiding Your Sensitive Nature and Thrive

The Engaging Introvert: Socializing Admirably with Exes, Extroverts and Complete Strangers

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7 Comments

  1. […] When Introverts Get Loud: Where Are You Using Your Voice? […]

  2. […] When Introverts Get Loud: Where Are You Using Your Voice? […]

  3. […] ← When Introverts Get Loud: Where Are You Using Your Voice? […]

  4. Gary October 1, 2014 at 9:07 am - Reply

    Hi Brenda and thanks for this article. Although I have always been soft-spoken, I find my voice shakes rarely these days for two reasons:
    1. I believe in the integrity of my words and refrain from commenting unless I first check my motivation for uttering them and assure myself that my ego is in check and that my spirit is supportive. This usually happens when I come to the defense of an underdog (including some of my core values), or when I am trying to raise the spirits of someone who is hurting.
    2. I’ve learned (and am still learning) to not take anything personally, and to believe enough in myself so as not to be concerned about what others may think.
    BTW, both these concepts can be found in a wonderful little book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I bought a dozen of these books and have handed them out to people I meet who I believe would be helped by its simple but profound concepts. I would be happy to send you a copy.
    PS My older son is a family law attorney, which can often be an ugly job, seeing some people at their very worst. But while he was attending law school he became a Guardian Ad Litem for two years in Jamaica, NY until he finally melted down from the horrors he witnessed that people visited upon their children. He says as tough as Family Law practice can be sometimes, nothing compares to the heart-wrenching experiences he had as a Guardian. And people need a license to fish…
    He is now working on his first novel and hopes to stop practicing law.

    • Brenda Knowles October 2, 2014 at 8:20 pm - Reply

      Those are two great concepts to guide you! I have a friend who always says the second one. He says don’t take anything personally, good or bad. I so want to take the good stuff personally.:) Over 15 years ago someone gave me the book, The Four Agreements. I read part of it but didn’t get into it. I don’t think I was ready for it at the time. I think its messages would be more easily digested now. I’m glad they hit home with you.

      Interesting that your son was a GAL. It can be heartbreaking to see what happens within some families. I was also fortunate enough to work with several families who really got their acts together while I knew them. It was incredible to see the parents transform and extended family step in to help. I hope your son finds joy and peace in his work no matter what it is.
      Thank you again for your thoughtful and insightful comment Gary.

  5. Casey Schreiber September 27, 2014 at 4:59 pm - Reply

    Thank you for these posts. Social media has given us introverts a way of connecting and giving voice to issues in the stillness of our own space and on our own terms. Whether its government corruption, gender discrimination, or abuse of any kind, it all motivates me to speak for those who have been silenced. Every post can make a difference.

    • Brenda Knowles September 28, 2014 at 6:24 pm - Reply

      Yes! I agree. Social media works so well for introverts. It allows us to connect via the written word from the comfort of our own homes. We have a lot to say and share so yay!

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