Stay connected

Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts.


BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
THANK YOU….. you just summed up my swirling thoughts into something i can read with out everything else in my head meshing with it. I finally feel like i can explain what happens within without getting distracted. I’m an Introvert with ADD and it makes it so hard to explain quite what im feeling sometimes. — M.G. on space2live
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…
Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
You’re so honest in your writing. It’s bold. It’s frank. It’s wonderful. I could definitely see the work you are doing here as a useful book. It could save/make a lot of relationships! — Jimmi Langemo
Jimmi Langemo
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…
I think I want to print out your articles and hand them out as a sort of relationship waiver form. “You want to be my friend?….You are interesting in going out? Here read this first. Sign here to acknowledge that you have read and understand the enclosed material. Thank you.” Seriously. I think it would work. — Guerin Moorman
Guerin Moorman
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.

Join us on Facebook

What Would You Tell Your Younger Introverted Self?

About the Author:


  1. Orange Rhino December 6, 2014 at 1:02 am - Reply

    I’d tell my much younger self to study more diligently, so my doctorate would have come with less angst. I’d tell myself to work out more intelligently, so I’d have picked up a few more state weightlifting championships and set some more-impressive personal records. And I would not have gotten married, because our goals were so different. I really did enjoy her as a person–until she wanted me to abandon my career quest. Finally I’d have forgiven much earlier those people who have recklessly brandished the word “selfish,” because of their ignorance of my nature and my lack of interest in their desires for family and conspicuous consumption.

    Thanks for your column. It is an enormous reassurance to those who are introverts and a kind and generous deed to the public in the eyes of a schizoid. As someone who is somewhere between introvert and schizoid, I get to enjoy your column on two separate levels.

    • Brenda Knowles December 6, 2014 at 4:31 pm - Reply

      You brought up an interesting point about others brandishing the word selfish. I hope there is more awareness now regarding the introverted nature so as to quell the selfish labeling. I know I spent many years feeling guilty and selfish for needing time to myself.
      Thank you for introducing me to the world of a schizoid. Your last comment was enlightening. You sound like a multi-faceted person who is not afraid to live on his terms.

      • Orange Rhino December 6, 2014 at 7:39 pm - Reply

        Brenda, to live on one’s own terms is the only way to live, because to live on somebody else’s terms will never bring happiness. If you be yourself, improve yourself, love yourself, and need no one else’s approval, your life can only be happy. And the way most people have to act at work to be successful does not have to be their real selves—just good acting. And even small children know how to play at acting, so just about anybody can do it.

        This column is a magnificent thing. It can help rescue people from the expectations of others–a wrong path that can lead to a life of self-loathing and self reproach. Life is to short to adopt others’ goals; they do not bring happiness.

        • Brenda Knowles December 7, 2014 at 11:54 am - Reply

          I wholeheartedly agree. Living on one’s own terms is not always easy. It takes courage, but it is the only way to true happiness.
          Thank you for your kind words about my writing. My intentions are to spread awareness, let others know they are not alone in their way of being and to empower the introvert/sensitive individual.

  2. hferiante November 29, 2014 at 1:58 am - Reply

    To myself: Get out of school (k-12) as fast as you can. I was drained and wasted every day and just thought I was a low energy person (diagnosed with ADD/ADHD?!) but then I was given the opportunity and gift of entering into an independent study program where I only had to come in one a week to check in with a teacher councilor. It was life changing! I ended up doing my last two years of high school in just under three months (AP classes and everything) and found that even during that intensive study period I was bouncing off the walls and picking up a dozen (amazingly solitary) hobbies with far more energy for my relationships. While I did get a class II diploma (in between a regular class I and a GED) it didn’t matter because a semester or two at a JC makes high school as good as non-existent, and I still got to transfer into UCLA, and later their pre-med program no questions asked. My only regret is that I didn’t go independent study the first day and have that many more years to enjoy and explore life rather than sit in a room, bored out of my mind, and having the life drained out of me with the daily group projects my school seemed to think as the pinnacle of educational standards. We really shouldn’t do what we do to kids, as far as the way most public schools educational models are designed, but in the case of the highly sensitive, and or highly introverted, it can be almost criminal in how much pain they experience there. I’m free now…

    • Brenda Knowles November 29, 2014 at 8:42 pm - Reply

      You have a fascinating story HF. I am so glad you found the right learning environment for you. I watch my own son struggle with the structure of his public school. He has learned to adapt to the schedule and we have given him some freedom to study/do homework in his own way, but it’s still not the best fit for him.

      It’s weird. I was the ideal student but I didn’t feel like I really learned well. I could memorize but not always apply the knowledge learned.

      You have a beautifully active and receptive mind. So thrilled you discovered how you learn best. It has served you well. Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sure many other parents and students can relate.

  3. Alexis Jennings November 28, 2014 at 10:14 pm - Reply

    I would tell myself not to be afraid to be heard and therefore speak up when I have something to say. I would also tell myself that what I have to say is just as important as anyone else. I so appreciate this blog and all the topics it covers in the realm of the introvert. Thanks again for all you’re doing to changr the perception of people and how they view others that are different from them.

    • Brenda Knowles November 29, 2014 at 8:34 pm - Reply

      I was exactly like you. I often left the big talking to others. I didn’t feel I was as entertaining, interesting, important. I’m so thrilled you have found space2live to be helpful. 🙂

  4. John Anthony James (@JohnJamesOZ) November 28, 2014 at 3:33 pm - Reply

    LOL – I wrote about exactly the same thing this week:

    It’s so important to teach young people that there isn’t such a thing “normal” – that we all sit on a spectrum… and there’s nothing wrong with being introverted.

    • Brenda Knowles November 29, 2014 at 8:29 pm - Reply

      Right on JAJ!! It’s cool we’re all getting the message out. The next generations will benefit.:) I know I have already.

  5. Erica November 28, 2014 at 3:32 pm - Reply

    I am 32 and only found out a few weeks ago why I am the way I am. I wish I knew a long time ago that it was ok to be the quiet one, ok to feel overwhelmed as a parent, ok to be different from my extrovert friends etc. I feel like I wasted so much energy trying to be something I’m not and wondering if I was normal. I appreciate the talented people who are able to put their introverted lives into words to help others know it’s ok to be yourself.

    • Brenda Knowles November 29, 2014 at 8:28 pm - Reply

      I’m so glad you have learned you are ‘normal’. 😉 You are absolutely not alone. Not only are you normal, you have value and gifts to offer. Welcome to the tribe.:)

  6. Andrea B. November 28, 2014 at 3:16 pm - Reply

    *Rodney King

  7. Andrea B. November 28, 2014 at 3:16 pm - Reply

    Brenda, I’m sure you and your family spent thoughtful time in making the decision to put your mother in an assisted-living place. May she be happy and thrive there!

    I am also subscribed to Andy Mort’s blog. Very insightful! What I would tell my younger self is: Stop forcing yourself into every social engagement, and find a more mature way to handle overstimulation/too much together time within a relationship. When you need alone time, don’t push people away and get dramatic; just explain that you’re an introvert, you love them, and gently ask for a few hours or a couple of days by yourself to reboot. 🙂 (I messed up quite a few very special relationships by lashing out. Now that I’m more mature, I handle it much differently.)
    Realizing you’re an introvert is not like a diagnosis in the doctor’s office or a label from a psychiatrist’s couch; it’s an “Aha!” moment that explains a lot about your world, inside and out. In the words of Rodney Kind, “Can’t we all just get along?” :-)))
    Peace and love!

    • Brenda Knowles November 29, 2014 at 8:25 pm - Reply

      I know I snapped and lashed out too often as well before I understood my temperament. I’d like to think I am more mature now, but only those in my circle could truly affirm that. Discovering you’re an introvert is an ‘aha moment’. It’s a relief and a beginning to some major self-awareness. You’re right. The big secret is to appreciate differences rather than simply tolerate or worse, resent, them. Thanks for your insight Andrea.:)

  8. mihrank November 28, 2014 at 3:01 pm - Reply

    wow – such brilliant, detailed, important message!

    • Brenda Knowles November 29, 2014 at 8:21 pm - Reply

      So glad it resonated with you! Andy is a great champion of our temperament.:)

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: