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I met Brenda and took the MBTI… I had a fairly good understanding of these types before the meeting but was impressed by the depth of knowledge that Brenda shared with me. She clearly has a passion for this work and a gift in imparting the information. There have been doors opened for me because of our talks… — Alan Hintermeister
Alan Hintermeister
You’re so honest in your writing. It’s bold. It’s frank. It’s wonderful. I could definitely see the work you are doing here as a useful book. It could save/make a lot of relationships! — Jimmi Langemo
Jimmi Langemo
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…
your depth of understanding, and talent at sharing it amaze me. Speechless… and for your sharing of it.. Thank you… deeply. *sigh, its like coming back into my body through acceptance….. Sherrie on space2live
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…

“I was struggling with my daughter (16 at the time) and our constant fighting. You said something to me that changed my life! You were speaking about your own situation and you said to me “my child could not handle my emotions”. This was a HUGE “lightbulb moment” for me and it forever changed the way I dealt with my emotions when I was around my daughter!

I am happy to say that things have never been better between my soon to be 18 year old daughter and myself! I honestly never thought we would…

Mom M
Your words are my lifeline.  I sit down to your posts and as I read I can feel my acceptance of myself and my needs grow.  Your words validate my feelings about my life, motherhood, relationships and it is something I hold onto.  And during the times when I feel like I am not able to be a mother or a wife or a sister or a friend or whatever someone needs me to be, I go back to your words and find some peace…I send your posts to my husband when I need him to understand that I love him but I need …
Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…

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Three Steps for Moving Through Personal Struggles

three silhouettes success

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you have seen me struggle to learn and evolve into something more than an overwhelmed and at times sad, mother of three. Over the last eight years of writing, I’ve went from learning who I am to studying relationships with the hope of improving mine, to helping others find their peace and contentment. It’s been a process and I am still struggling and evolving.

Within that process, I found three necessary steps. These steps get us completely through the process. It’s very easy to falter halfway through and give up or screw up. I know, believe me.

The steps we must complete to fully see a project, value, goal or personal evolution through to the end are:

  1. Find a good teacher and learn: We have to be open and willing to change, grow and learn. If we think we have nothing to learn, we’re done. There is no movement. We stay stuck. It is important to seek information, awareness, emotional perception, skills, etc. Finding a helpful, willing, trustworthy, patient and respectable teacher is key. We can get a lot of information from research but a human brings meaning and connection with their teaching. As mammals, our brains are designed to interact with other’s brains. Interacting literally changes the shape of our brains and ingrains ideas and behavior. Teachers (who could be family members, friends, co-workers, etc.) give us something to work with and expand on. They give us perspective.
  2. Apply what you learn: Once we have a new skill or idea we have to practice it. This is the action step. It is easy to take in more and more information or learn more and more skills, but applying them to our lives makes the difference. This is when things get done. This is when things change. If we read all about managing conflict in a relationship but never apply that knowledge when we have a disagreement, then the reading did no good. We may feel superior, but we are as unhelpful as someone who did not learn anything about conflict.
  3. Apply it consistently for a long time: We may learn from the best teacher, apply our knowledge to the appropriate area of our lives, but unless we use that information consistently, the practice fades and our skill level dwindles or the information gets forgotten. We can think of learning a foreign language as an example. If we don’t practice speaking it regularly, our verbal skills become rusty. We forget how to conjugate or pronounce certain words.

The process in real life

I spent many years reading and finding teachers who taught what I needed. I read many spiritual, personal development and relationship books. I talked to and befriended many people with the same interests and greater knowledge. I collected information and sat on it. I was insatiable but did not do anything with what I learned.

I gradually started sharing what I learned on my website. I then began coaching others in the skills I had found and honed. Eventually, I wrote a book. All the while, little bits of knowledge began slipping into my relationships with partners and with my children. I began to recognize when my ideas, skills and information were applicable. I applied them.

But, something still did not gel. I still often felt overwhelmed and alone. I still struggled within my relationships.

I was missing consistency. The responsiveness I had learned to practice with my children needed to be applied continually with them and with my partner, not just when I remembered it or when a major issue demanded it.

I also learned that I need others to consistently be there for me. Giving without receiving regularly, feels empty in the long run. That emptiness stifles personal progress.

Following through

Following through on all three steps gives us the chance to move forward in our lives. Stopping after the first or second step, keeps us stuck. Completing all of the steps is not easy, especially two and three. They take effort and courage, but the result is growth. Growth is what makes us alive and ultimately content.

How are you at making progress? Are there some areas of your life where it is easier to follow through? Some where it is more difficult? 



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