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I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
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This is me. This is me from the day I was born. For so long I felt misunderstood and rejected, even by the people closest to me, because they could never understand my need for solitude, and I had no idea how to explain it to them. Even now that I know more about Introversion and have a more informed understanding of my hard-wired need for solitude, it’s still very difficult sometimes to help my loved ones understand this profound craving for time and space all to myself. This is one of the best…
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The Daydreamy Introvert's Approach to Love

For you! A guest post from sensitive, sensual and expressive introvert writer, Michaela Chung of IntrovertSpring.com. Michaela is a kindred spirit. I trust you will see yourselves in her words. I know I do.

Anais Nin quote

The Daydreamy Introvert’s Approach to Love

While others let their fantasies die with childhood, the daydreamy introvert keeps them very much alive. Nowhere is this more true than in the realm of love and relationships. Our approach to romance is heavily influenced by our hidden worlds of depth, emotion and imagination.

What lies beneath

“My world is about FEELings. Sometimes, these feelings run so deep I fear I will drown.” – Jaeda DeWalt

Many introverts shield a wealth of passion and emotion beneath the calm, stoic face we present to the outside world. Others would be surprised to learn that we feel things so deeply. They assume quiet lips mean quiet minds and hearts. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

We introverts are accustomed to living inside our head. We are introspective daydreamers with an imagination that reaches the sky. And we like it that we. We don’t want to ‘get our head out of the clouds’. The worlds we create in our mind are too enticing to deny – especially the ones rooted in romance.

Many (and I’m very tempted to say “most”) of the greatest songwriters, poets and novelists of all time were introverts. For these sensitive, feeling introverts, emotion was a form of currency.

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Romance seemed to course through their veins and pour out onto the page. Their intensity of emotion and passion was palpable in their work. Yet, in person they likely came off as reserved and serious – at least, to most people.

VIP access to secret worlds

“I’m not open to many people. I’m usually quiet and I don’t really like attention. So if I like you enough to show you the real me. You must be very special.” – Unknown

Introverts usually reserve our love and depth of emotion for a select few. We tend to be slow to trust, but fiercely loyal once we are committed. Acquaintances may describe us as serious or emotionless, while our lovers see us for what we really are: sensitive, nurturing, sensual, wild and/or intense.

When someone has my heart, they have my whole heart. Along with entrance into my heart, the person I love also has VIP access to my innermost thoughts, feelings, ideas and dreams.

It may appear that I give freely, but in truth, there is a price for my love; I expect full, unwavering loyalty. I know that my inner world is a valuable landscape, so I refuse to devalue it by letting just anyone in.

kiss underwater

The search for “the one”

“I was always reaching for love, but it turns out love doesn’t involve reaching. I was always dreaming of the big love, the ultimate love, the love that would sweep me off my feet or break open the hard shell of my lesser self.” – Eve Ensler

As a sensitive, feeling, hopelessly romantic introvert, I tend to identify with Anais Nin’s unconventional view on relationships:

“I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic – in the sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself. “

My overly active imagination has often led to very vivid fantasies about my ideal relationship. My desire for ecstasy can easily loosen my foothold on reality and launch me headfirst into a world of my own creation. The challenge becomes finding the human embodiment of my fantasies. This is no small task.

This raises the question: should we wait for that perfect someone of our dreams, or settle for a less rose-colored reality? Does “the one” really exist, or are we being unrealistic?

As a single woman pushing thirty, I struggle with the above questions on a regular basis. Admittedly, I don’t have all the answers. What I do know for sure is that fantasies absolutely can come true. I’ve met more than one Prince Charming in scenarios that could have been clipped from a fairytale. And yet, I still felt like something was missing. On the other hand, I’ve experienced deep and fulfilling connections with men who seemed to be very different from my dream partner.

I’m discovering that the form of the fantasy is less important than the feeling. Our prince could show up on a white horse or a tired donkey. What matters most is how we feel when he arrives.

What are your thoughts on fantasy vs. reality in the search for love?

How does your public persona differ from who you are in private, in relationships and in love?

Who are you beneath the surface and between the sheets?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Author Bio

Michaela Chung is a writer, world traveler, and lover of all things creative. She is the creator of Behind GlassIntrovertSpring.com, a website that helps introverts quietly revolutionize the way they see themselves. Her Myers-Briggs personality type is INFP. Read her personal manifesto here.

If you enjoyed The Daydreamy Introvert’s Approach to Love you may also enjoy:

Introvert Relationships: Love Me or Leave Me But Please Don’t Need Me (Too Much)

Introverts Explained: Why We Love You But Need to Get Away From You

Emotional Intimacy: An Introvert’s Ultimate Turn On?

Sensuality, Sex, Solitude and Sensitivity: An Introvert’s Recipe for Love and Pleasure

My Introverted Love Creed: If We Can’t Be Magnificent and Independent Together I’m OK Alone

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5 Comments

  1. chris June 2, 2015 at 6:25 pm - Reply

    I have been married twice the 2nd was my one and only love.
    This description of an introvert is me to a tee. A man’s man to the public a rancher rough tuff very quite and reserved don’t like to be in the spot light.

    • Brenda Knowles June 3, 2015 at 9:51 am - Reply

      Was your second wife an introvert as well? I’m always curious about who makes the best partner for an introvert. Thanks for sharing. I can see where the rancher lifestyle would suit the introvert. 🙂

  2. 30+ Inspirational Anais Nin Quotes April 30, 2015 at 1:52 am - Reply

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  3. oawritingspoemspaintings April 5, 2014 at 3:26 pm - Reply

    You’ve described very well the introvert’s inner it is nice to find oneself in your words…thanks 🙂

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