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your depth of understanding, and talent at sharing it amaze me. Speechless… and for your sharing of it.. Thank you… deeply. *sigh, its like coming back into my body through acceptance….. Sherrie on space2live
BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
THANK YOU….. you just summed up my swirling thoughts into something i can read with out everything else in my head meshing with it. I finally feel like i can explain what happens within without getting distracted. I’m an Introvert with ADD and it makes it so hard to explain quite what im feeling sometimes. — M.G. on space2live
Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
This is me. This is me from the day I was born. For so long I felt misunderstood and rejected, even by the people closest to me, because they could never understand my need for solitude, and I had no idea how to explain it to them. Even now that I know more about Introversion and have a more informed understanding of my hard-wired need for solitude, it’s still very difficult sometimes to help my loved ones understand this profound craving for time and space all to myself. This is one of the best…
Because of your blog, I know that it is possible for me to have the love that I want one day and that I don’t have to be alone.  — Indepthwoman  on space2live
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live

“I was struggling with my daughter (16 at the time) and our constant fighting. You said something to me that changed my life! You were speaking about your own situation and you said to me “my child could not handle my emotions”. This was a HUGE “lightbulb moment” for me and it forever changed the way I dealt with my emotions when I was around my daughter!

I am happy to say that things have never been better between my soon to be 18 year old daughter and myself! I honestly never thought we would…

Mom M
I met Brenda and took the MBTI… I had a fairly good understanding of these types before the meeting but was impressed by the depth of knowledge that Brenda shared with me. She clearly has a passion for this work and a gift in imparting the information. There have been doors opened for me because of our talks… — Alan Hintermeister
Alan Hintermeister

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Space2live's Top 10 Posts for 2013 and A Personal List of Lessons Learned

woman-walking-away-from-man-umbrellaIt’s been an incredible year of growth for myself and space2live. I include my own growth in this post because based on your comments and readership I believe my personal experiences as a single introvert fumbling through love, parenthood and self-exploration, resonate with you. If they don’t resonate, you at least find them amusing or informative or you like the sexy images I include.:)

I am so grateful and thankful for your readership. I am in awe of  the supportive and wise community that has gathered here at space2live. You all make me excited to get up in the morning!

Top 10 New Posts for 2013

 According to WordPress’s survey monkeys, readers searched for the words: sensualintroverts and relationshipspassion and how to love an introvert and found space2live. Perhaps I should change the name to space2LOVE? 😉

1. Introverts Explained: Why We Love You But Need to Get Away From You. This is the #1 most viewed post of all time for space2live. This one has elicited extraordinary response from EXTROVERTS.  They so want to understand us. Kudos to them for reaching out with questions and comments. So nice to hear how the other side sees things.

2. How Does Introversion Affect Your Sexuality? Apparently, we want to know how our temperament affects our libido. I also did a survey on sexuality and posted the results here.kissing

3. Video: The Space We Need: An Introvert Wakes Up, Slows Down and Starts Living According to Her True Nature The first space2live video. Readers got to ‘meet’ me on the screen.

4. The Introvert’s Love Affair with Solitude: Will It Always Be Taboo? Why is it so darn wrong to love solitude?

5. Emotional Intimacy: An Introvert’s Ultimate Turn On? Find out what makes us go crazy in a good way.emotionalintimacy

6. Understanding the Introvert Cycle: Why We Go From Irritable to Ever-Loving It really is a cycle.  We love you. Go away. We love you. Go away.

7. Introverts Are Not Misanthropes: We Love Specifically, Individually and Deeply We like you, one or two at a time.

8. I’m Sorry I Hurt You in Order to Save Myself: What Introverts Feel but Don’t Always Say Sometimes we hurt you because if we don’t we deny ourselves. It bites being on the giving AND receiving end of this scenario.

9. My Introverted Love Creed: If We Can’t Be Magnificent and Independent Together I’m OK Alone Being alone is always an option with an introvert. Maybe not the first option, but an option.

10. Confessions of an Introverted Parent The parenting posts are the hardest to write. There is a deep sense of shame and guilt felt when a parent needs time away from their family. According to our culture, it’s not natural to need time alone.

Posts that embody space2live from years past

The following posts were written in 2011 or 2012 but have stood the test of time and were still in the top 10 most viewed posts:

1. Introvert Relationships: Love Me or Leave Me But Please Don’t Need Me (Too Much)

2. There’s Nothing Wrong with You. You’re an Introvert.

3. In Defense of Introverted Parents

4. How to Protect and Liberate Your Energy:A Guide for Introverts and Anyone Who Feels Drained

And now for the personal lessons. If you were only interested in the most popular posts then you can cut out here. If what sparked and spoke to me interests you, then please read on…

Lessons in love

I experienced sincere, sensual and mature relationships this year. I learned there are truly good men out there. High quality can be found. The level of sensitivity I discovered was incredible and affirming.

Because of the beautiful intimacy I discovered and embraced, I learned what it feels like to have my heart-broken. I also learned how to survive afterward. Hint: You have to spearhead your own happiness and love.

On a lighter note, I figured out several small personal litmus tests for relationship longevity. Here are a couple:

It feels better and right if my partner is a reader. Books/articles are the genesis for half the things I say and savor. I am hopelessly dull and speechless without them and new insight gleaned from words is exciting to me.

It’s beneficial to our relationship if my guy enjoys food and all its facets —cooking, eating, healthy diet, conversation while dining, sensory delight. When there was no food chemistry (i.e. no enjoyment dining together or interest in food at all) I was thrown off. One time, I found myself standing by the kitchen sink

eating a single microwaved pork chop while my guy ate a granola bar across the room. That is how we ate dinner together that night. He wasn’t bothered by the lack of food, warmth and connection, but I was. It should be noted that that is not how we normally ate together and the gentleman involved is warm and sincere in nature himself.

Lessons in food, mood and energy

Speaking of food, I learned that diet profoundly affects my mood and energy. Cookies and cake make me spinach-avocado-salad-bacon-egg-bowlcranky and weepy. Spinach and kale brighten my thinking. Avocado, butter and bacon make everything better.

Exploring all of this deeply now with more insights to come, I’m sure.

Lessons in parenting

I learned that I need to foster the logical and critical sides of my children even if they go against every fiber in my sensitive, ultra-feeling, harmony-loving body. I am learning to understand my boys’ natural preference for justice and impersonal decision-making. I need to respect our differences and teach them to do the same.

*Bonus piece of knowledge regarding child rearing — Laugh at yourself. Laugh with your kids. Share funny Youtube videos. Humor is the way I communicate best with my boys — my toughest audience.

Lessons in self-actualization

The times I felt the strongest, most whole and most alive were when I was engaged in projects that filled me up. I love to learn. I especially love to enhance self-awareness, both my own and that of others. I completed training in Parenting Time Expediting (working with divorced parents to create a parenting plan/schedule they both find acceptable) and became a Myers-Briggs certified practitioner. Thank you Myers-Briggs for helping me figure out I’m an iNtuitive Feeler (NF) and what that means.

During these times of learning, my mind was so abuzz with new associations, aha! moments and ways to prenup mbtihelp people, that stress dissipated in my body and home. I read with laser focus and fed my curiosity to the point where it felt like time disappeared. Though self-actualization seems like something you do solo, it actually affects those around you as well. Because I was so filled with purpose I was able to give more love and attention to my kids. I was more patient. I was more calm and balanced.

I also feel I am most attractive to men when I am independently spearheading my life. The jury is still out whether or not that is a good thing. It’s hard to maintain a brutally independent existence and weave lives together.

Which posts resonated most with you this year from space2live? Why? What topics would you like to see more of in 2014? What do you think about adding a section on space2live where readers can ask questions about relationships/introversion/self-actualizing?

**If you enjoy learning about relationships and/or the intricacies of introversion please Follow this Blog to receive more insight and stories from space2live. It would be lovely to share and learn with you. **

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  1. […] Space2live’s Top 10 Posts for 2013 and A Personal List of Lessons Learned (space2live) […]

  2. January 6, 2014 at 5:03 pm - Reply

    I love your observation about learning that it’s helpful to encourage the critical-thinking side of your boys and support their skills in making impersonal judgments. This kind of stuff goes against my harmony-loving grain as well, but the more I study personalities, the more I am learning about the unique needs each personality type has. My eyes have really been opened!

    I’m reading a book right now that I think you would find highly interesting. It’s “Survival Games Personalities Play” by Eve Delunas and it is fascinating. Really cool stuff for anyone interested in Myers Briggs.

    • Brenda Knowles January 7, 2014 at 8:40 am - Reply

      Oooh! I will look into “Survival Games…”. Sounds like it is right up my alley. Thank you and have the most awe-filled year Lauren.:) I appreciate you and your insight.

  3. November January 5, 2014 at 2:50 pm - Reply

    Your blog gives me positivity, something I desperately need in life right now. You’ve also opened my eyes to the TRUE meaning of introvert (it does NOT mean “anti-social” like I always thought).
    I am just beginning a new chapter in my life, and I’m glad you and your blog are here for me. 🙂

    • Brenda Knowles January 5, 2014 at 5:41 pm - Reply

      Follow your energy and know that introversion has many gifts.:) Long lasting and deep relationships are just one of those gifts. I’m excited for you. Life with your eyes wide open… so much to see, feel and experience.

  4. wealthyandloved January 4, 2014 at 11:17 am - Reply

    I gotta say, I love Space2LOVE! I am so glad you continue to share your process of growth with us…you are divine Brenda <3

    This dove at me from your post today: "I also feel I am most attractive to men when I am independently spearheading my life" because it's something I have experienced big time this year .. and I have noticed that not just with men, but with social groups I want to join, potential employers and the world at large, the energy of autonomy and self-driven movement are magnets for seriously good stuff.

    Thank you for keeping your appointments with your keyboard and all of us all year ~ I can't wait to see what 2014 brings us from you! oxo K

    • Brenda Knowles January 5, 2014 at 5:11 pm - Reply

      Hi K:) As usual, your words make me think. You said you’ve also noticed an increase in attraction to you when you are acting autonomously. Will we have to keep up the independent spearheading in order to stay attractive? As much as I love exploring and learning and acting on my own, I do desire a warmth and consistent interdependence or companionship. Is it possible to have both? Just wondering what your experience has been. Cheers to you in 2014! Please keep writing. I truly enjoy keeping up with your enchanted and awake life kindred spirit.:)

  5. David Kanigan January 4, 2014 at 7:29 am - Reply

    Great year, great posts – thanks Brenda.

    • Brenda Knowles January 4, 2014 at 7:40 am - Reply

      Thank you David. Right back at ya! 🙂 Happy we connected in the blogging community.

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