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Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
Because of your blog, I know that it is possible for me to have the love that I want one day and that I don’t have to be alone.  — Indepthwoman  on space2live
Indepthwoman
Your words are my lifeline.  I sit down to your posts and as I read I can feel my acceptance of myself and my needs grow.  Your words validate my feelings about my life, motherhood, relationships and it is something I hold onto.  And during the times when I feel like I am not able to be a mother or a wife or a sister or a friend or whatever someone needs me to be, I go back to your words and find some peace…I send your posts to my husband when I need him to understand that I love him but I need …
D.R.
BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
Megan
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
C.M.
During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…
Niko
your depth of understanding, and talent at sharing it amaze me. Speechless… and for your sharing of it.. Thank you… deeply. *sigh, its like coming back into my body through acceptance….. Sherrie on space2live
Sherrie
You’re so honest in your writing. It’s bold. It’s frank. It’s wonderful. I could definitely see the work you are doing here as a useful book. It could save/make a lot of relationships! — Jimmi Langemo
Jimmi Langemo
I think I want to print out your articles and hand them out as a sort of relationship waiver form. “You want to be my friend?….You are interesting in going out? Here read this first. Sign here to acknowledge that you have read and understand the enclosed material. Thank you.” Seriously. I think it would work. — Guerin Moorman
Guerin Moorman

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Sensuality, Sex, Solitude and Sensitivity: An Introvert’s Recipe for Love and Pleasure

kitchen couple

He slips his arms around my waist and nuzzles my neck from behind. The timber of his voice and  scratchiness of his unshaven face send a sensation cascading through my body. My knees go weak as I sauté at the stove. Chris Isaak sings on the radio, his hauntingly playful voice mingling with the fragrance of basil, cashews and melted butter. My senses and my heart light up with pleasure…

Nothing like being in tune with your outer-world, your inner-world and your lover… Senses alive.

When a delicious combination arises introverts are more than excited to taste a relationship. We are not all misanthropes. We love love and hunger for physical and emotional intimacy.

Sex

How does introversion affect your sexuality?

Our rich inner worlds lend themselves to lusty daydreams and colorful coupling. Physical affection is a warm experience eagerly anticipated. Spiritual depth and vulnerability feed an introvert’s imagination. In Emotional Intimacy: An Introvert’s Ultimate Turn On?making love is defined as physical connecting preceded by emotional foreplay. Foreplay consisting of a soul companionship based on the way the other person looks at the world, drinking each other in sips because the emotional intimacy is so poignant, right and effortless that you want to savor it.

Words, openness and meaningful sharing are the ultimate turn-ons.

head on shoulderIntroverts are more cautious about selecting a mate. We take less risks than extroverts and tend to engage in casual sex less often. According to a survey conducted on space2live, introverts believe emotional connection is the most important ingredient in a healthy sexual relationship. To find out what was second in importance click here. We don’t do casual often because the energetic investment is too great.

But then there’s passion…

It’s chemical pixie lust. It’s a pheromone cocktail drunk by two individuals with no tolerance for its power. You lose control. It’s scary as hell and absofreaking delicious. Scary because you could lose the source of this passion. Delicious because it’s raw and natural and you must taste it. — It’s Never Too Late for Mind Blowing Passion

Introverts can do passion. Of course extroverts are passionate too but with introverts the flames burn so brightly within. We are deeply stirred by the possibility of romance. Romance + sex = a heady expansive experience few introverts pass up.

Solitude

He tentatively reaches across the bed with a warm gentle hand and I … recoil.  I just need a few more delicious moments of morning-mind.  I need that gauzy, thought-weaving space of nourishing idea play where I breathe fully and smile involuntarily. I need that space where I belong solely to myself. — I’m Sorry I Hurt You In Order to Save Myself: What Introverts Feel but Don’t Always Say

The perfect pairing to a penetrating relationship of meaningful intimacy is solitude. Both are vital to our spirit and well-being.

An introvert is capable of falling in love in more than one realm. The affectionate presence of a lover may initiate the fall but their absence blended with sweet reflection allows the flavors of attraction to meld. 

We crave alone time. We may be head over heels for you but still want to get away from you.

We get out and rock it, but then we need to withdraw from that buzz because if we don’t we will feel like an overdone steak, no life, no juice. — Introverts Explained: Why We Love You But Need to Get Away From Yousolitude_01_by_logas69-d508efr

Our spirits are easily stimulated and easily depleted. Solitude fills us up with our true selves. It brings us back to whole, satiated and hydrated.

We often feel obligated to apologize for our love affair with solitude. In our loved one’s heart our penchant for space feels like rejection. In our heart it feels like renewal or salvation. We must withdraw to our own world of reverie and private processing in order to create and accomplish. Our minds clear and connections come. We stay away until we long for touch, companionship and connection again.

Allow me to bathe in solitude but extend an invitation to join you afterwards.  Let me know you’ll be there when I’m ready to intertwine. — Introvert Relationships: Are Our Expectations for Love Unobtainable

Sensitivity

 I adore meaningful conversation that oozes vulnerability, sensitivity, authenticity and creativity. Nothing gets me more excited than eyes sparkling at each other and that euphoric feeling of, they get meIf I feel that, the gates swing open, energy floods my body and neurotransmitters flood my brain. And I want more. — Understanding the Introvert Cycle: Why We Go From Irritable to Ever-Loving

I have read that an extrovert’s definition of love is to never have to do anything alone. An introvert’s definition — to be understood and appreciated. So often, introverts feel disappointed or defeated because we don’t have boundless energy to do and do. We don’t process or talk quickly. We need time alone away from others. There can be a sense of shame around these perceived deficits.

Quotation-Edgar-Allan-Poe-tears-soul-beauty-Meetville-Quotes-90274It’s a wonderful gift when someone understands or values us.

It’s magical when depth, kindness and vulnerability emerge from the person you desire. A touch of extraordinary presents itself in the way they feel music, speak poetically, exude empathy, kiss tears away. Anyone can ride the surface of life, striving impersonally and perfectly for achievement but only a few tender souls see things differently. They still may be strivers but they view life through sage, saint or artist’s eyes. Their hearts are out front, exposed and brave. They are easily moved emotionally and not so easily emulated. Yes, it’s magical when they look upon you with understanding and enthusiasm.

What are your love and pleasure must haves? How do you think introverts are different from extroverts when it comes to love?

If you found pleasure in reading Sensuality, Sex, Solitude and Sensitivity… then you may also love:

Introvert Relationships: Love Me or Leave Me But Please Don’t Need Me (Too Much)

Feeling Stuck?: How to Return to Love, Openness and Bliss

Are You Someone’s Priority? Do You Need to Be?

Masculine, Feminine, Dominance and the Love Dance

3 Elements of Exquisite Sex and Divine Writing

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14 Comments

  1. Kathy August 11, 2015 at 9:36 pm - Reply

    That was just an outstanding article – so beautifully written. It’s as though you took each word right out of my head. Thanks for sharing your talent.

    • Brenda Knowles August 12, 2015 at 8:17 am - Reply

      Well, thank you for your kind words. It’s a lovely feeling when your words resonate with someone else. 🙂

  2. […] Sensuality, Sex, Solitude and Sensitivity: An Introvert’s Recipe for Love and Pleasure  […]

  3. […] Sensuality, Sex, Solitude and Sensitivity: An Introvert’s Recipe for Love and Pleasure […]

  4. […] Sensuality, Sex, Solitude and Sensitivity: An Introvert’s Recipe for Love and Pleasure […]

  5. […] Sensuality, Sex, Solitude and Sensitivity: An Introvert’s Recipe for Love and Pleasure […]

  6. […] Sensuality, Sex, Solitude and Sensitivity: An Introvert’s Recipe for Love and Pleasure […]

  7. Steve March 24, 2014 at 4:20 am - Reply

    Wonderful read. Thank you so much for sharing the knowledge.

  8. Jacquelyn Strickland March 22, 2014 at 10:37 am - Reply

    Beautiful article …. that I resonated with completely … From my perspective, however, I think you are describing the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as defined by Dr. Elaine Aron. For example, I am an Extravert, Highly Sensitve Person, (with a well developed introvert side.) My husband, a non-HSP, Introvert — is no where to be found in the article.

    • Brenda Knowles March 22, 2014 at 4:31 pm - Reply

      Interesting. Thank you for commenting. I often wonder if I am writing to intuitive feeling types as much if not more than introverts. I know not all introverts are as romantic, dreamy and flowery as I am.;)

  9. unfetteredbs March 22, 2014 at 5:08 am - Reply

    I nodded the whole way through this fabulous post. Thank you for writing

  10. chehaw March 21, 2014 at 9:29 pm - Reply

    A friend not too long ago asked me if I had a fk buddy. I said no, and the look on her face spoke a thousand words of disbelief. The notion, while it sounds intriguing (and let’s be honest, sounds easy too), just leaves me empty. As you say, energy is really important to us, and we deploy it strategically. I don’t want my precious strength going toward something that’s meaningless. Hey, I’m like everyone else–I want wonderful sex, too. But the chance to be in each other’s arms and simply being there with my partner, in the silence of a morning, holds the same appeal. It may be different for a guy to say, but I want the physical and intimate connection that I don’t think could come with a fleeting encounter.

    • Brenda Knowles March 22, 2014 at 4:28 pm - Reply

      No, fleeting encounters create fleeting satisfaction. The only thing that may be satisfied for a brief time is the ego. Too much of my heart goes into sexual intimacy. No matter how enticing a sexual dalliance may be, in the end I’ll feel empty if there isn’t any kind of emotional/spiritual depth to it.

      Thank you for commenting. I love to get a man’s perspective, especially one so in tune with what is meaningful to him. Lovely.

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