Sensuality, Sex, Solitude and Sensitivity: An Introvert’s Recipe for Love and Pleasure

kitchen couple

He slips his arms around my waist and nuzzles my neck from behind. The timber of his voice and  scratchiness of his unshaven face send a sensation cascading through my body. My knees go weak as I sauté at the stove. Chris Isaak sings on the radio, his hauntingly playful voice mingling with the fragrance of basil, cashews and melted butter. My senses and my heart light up with pleasure…

Nothing like being in tune with your outer-world, your inner-world and your lover… Senses alive.

When a delicious combination arises introverts are more than excited to taste a relationship. We are not all misanthropes. We love love and hunger for physical and emotional intimacy.


How does introversion affect your sexuality?

Our rich inner worlds lend themselves to lusty daydreams and colorful coupling. Physical affection is a warm experience eagerly anticipated. Spiritual depth and vulnerability feed an introvert’s imagination. In Emotional Intimacy: An Introvert’s Ultimate Turn On?making love is defined as physical connecting preceded by emotional foreplay. Foreplay consisting of a soul companionship based on the way the other person looks at the world, drinking each other in sips because the emotional intimacy is so poignant, right and effortless that you want to savor it.

Words, openness and meaningful sharing are the ultimate turn-ons.

head on shoulderIntroverts are more cautious about selecting a mate. We take less risks than extroverts and tend to engage in casual sex less often. According to a survey conducted on space2live, introverts believe emotional connection is the most important ingredient in a healthy sexual relationship. To find out what was second in importance click here. We don’t do casual often because the energetic investment is too great.

But then there’s passion…

It’s chemical pixie lust. It’s a pheromone cocktail drunk by two individuals with no tolerance for its power. You lose control. It’s scary as hell and absofreaking delicious. Scary because you could lose the source of this passion. Delicious because it’s raw and natural and you must taste it. — It’s Never Too Late for Mind Blowing Passion

Introverts can do passion. Of course extroverts are passionate too but with introverts the flames burn so brightly within. We are deeply stirred by the possibility of romance. Romance + sex = a heady expansive experience few introverts pass up.


He tentatively reaches across the bed with a warm gentle hand and I … recoil.  I just need a few more delicious moments of morning-mind.  I need that gauzy, thought-weaving space of nourishing idea play where I breathe fully and smile involuntarily. I need that space where I belong solely to myself. — I’m Sorry I Hurt You In Order to Save Myself: What Introverts Feel but Don’t Always Say

The perfect pairing to a penetrating relationship of meaningful intimacy is solitude. Both are vital to our spirit and well-being.

An introvert is capable of falling in love in more than one realm. The affectionate presence of a lover may initiate the fall but their absence blended with sweet reflection allows the flavors of attraction to meld. 

We crave alone time. We may be head over heels for you but still want to get away from you.

We get out and rock it, but then we need to withdraw from that buzz because if we don’t we will feel like an overdone steak, no life, no juice. — Introverts Explained: Why We Love You But Need to Get Away From Yousolitude_01_by_logas69-d508efr

Our spirits are easily stimulated and easily depleted. Solitude fills us up with our true selves. It brings us back to whole, satiated and hydrated.

We often feel obligated to apologize for our love affair with solitude. In our loved one’s heart our penchant for space feels like rejection. In our heart it feels like renewal or salvation. We must withdraw to our own world of reverie and private processing in order to create and accomplish. Our minds clear and connections come. We stay away until we long for touch, companionship and connection again.

Allow me to bathe in solitude but extend an invitation to join you afterwards.  Let me know you’ll be there when I’m ready to intertwine. — Introvert Relationships: Are Our Expectations for Love Unobtainable


 I adore meaningful conversation that oozes vulnerability, sensitivity, authenticity and creativity. Nothing gets me more excited than eyes sparkling at each other and that euphoric feeling of, they get meIf I feel that, the gates swing open, energy floods my body and neurotransmitters flood my brain. And I want more. — Understanding the Introvert Cycle: Why We Go From Irritable to Ever-Loving

I have read that an extrovert’s definition of love is to never have to do anything alone. An introvert’s definition — to be understood and appreciated. So often, introverts feel disappointed or defeated because we don’t have boundless energy to do and do. We don’t process or talk quickly. We need time alone away from others. There can be a sense of shame around these perceived deficits.

Quotation-Edgar-Allan-Poe-tears-soul-beauty-Meetville-Quotes-90274It’s a wonderful gift when someone understands or values us.

It’s magical when depth, kindness and vulnerability emerge from the person you desire. A touch of extraordinary presents itself in the way they feel music, speak poetically, exude empathy, kiss tears away. Anyone can ride the surface of life, striving impersonally and perfectly for achievement but only a few tender souls see things differently. They still may be strivers but they view life through sage, saint or artist’s eyes. Their hearts are out front, exposed and brave. They are easily moved emotionally and not so easily emulated. Yes, it’s magical when they look upon you with understanding and enthusiasm.

What are your love and pleasure must haves? How do you think introverts are different from extroverts when it comes to love?

If you found pleasure in reading Sensuality, Sex, Solitude and Sensitivity… then you may also love:

Introvert Relationships: Love Me or Leave Me But Please Don’t Need Me (Too Much)

Feeling Stuck?: How to Return to Love, Openness and Bliss

Are You Someone’s Priority? Do You Need to Be?

Masculine, Feminine, Dominance and the Love Dance

3 Elements of Exquisite Sex and Divine Writing

Leave a Reply


  1. Kathy
    August 11, 2015

    That was just an outstanding article – so beautifully written. It’s as though you took each word right out of my head. Thanks for sharing your talent.

    • Brenda Knowles
      August 12, 2015

      Well, thank you for your kind words. It’s a lovely feeling when your words resonate with someone else. 🙂

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  7. Steve
    March 24, 2014

    Wonderful read. Thank you so much for sharing the knowledge.

  8. Jacquelyn Strickland
    March 22, 2014

    Beautiful article …. that I resonated with completely … From my perspective, however, I think you are describing the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as defined by Dr. Elaine Aron. For example, I am an Extravert, Highly Sensitve Person, (with a well developed introvert side.) My husband, a non-HSP, Introvert — is no where to be found in the article.

    • Brenda Knowles
      March 22, 2014

      Interesting. Thank you for commenting. I often wonder if I am writing to intuitive feeling types as much if not more than introverts. I know not all introverts are as romantic, dreamy and flowery as I am.;)

  9. unfetteredbs
    March 22, 2014

    I nodded the whole way through this fabulous post. Thank you for writing

  10. chehaw
    March 21, 2014

    A friend not too long ago asked me if I had a fk buddy. I said no, and the look on her face spoke a thousand words of disbelief. The notion, while it sounds intriguing (and let’s be honest, sounds easy too), just leaves me empty. As you say, energy is really important to us, and we deploy it strategically. I don’t want my precious strength going toward something that’s meaningless. Hey, I’m like everyone else–I want wonderful sex, too. But the chance to be in each other’s arms and simply being there with my partner, in the silence of a morning, holds the same appeal. It may be different for a guy to say, but I want the physical and intimate connection that I don’t think could come with a fleeting encounter.

    • Brenda Knowles
      March 22, 2014

      No, fleeting encounters create fleeting satisfaction. The only thing that may be satisfied for a brief time is the ego. Too much of my heart goes into sexual intimacy. No matter how enticing a sexual dalliance may be, in the end I’ll feel empty if there isn’t any kind of emotional/spiritual depth to it.

      Thank you for commenting. I love to get a man’s perspective, especially one so in tune with what is meaningful to him. Lovely.

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