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I think I want to print out your articles and hand them out as a sort of relationship waiver form. “You want to be my friend?….You are interesting in going out? Here read this first. Sign here to acknowledge that you have read and understand the enclosed material. Thank you.” Seriously. I think it would work. — Guerin Moorman
Guerin Moorman
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
C.M.

“I was struggling with my daughter (16 at the time) and our constant fighting. You said something to me that changed my life! You were speaking about your own situation and you said to me “my child could not handle my emotions”. This was a HUGE “lightbulb moment” for me and it forever changed the way I dealt with my emotions when I was around my daughter!

I am happy to say that things have never been better between my soon to be 18 year old daughter and myself! I honestly never thought we would…

Mom M
BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
Megan
your depth of understanding, and talent at sharing it amaze me. Speechless… and for your sharing of it.. Thank you… deeply. *sigh, its like coming back into my body through acceptance….. Sherrie on space2live
Sherrie
Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…
J.K.
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…
Gary

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Need Revitalizing? The Energy of Meaningful and the Power of Deadlines

bright pink flower

The past couple of months, I scheduled the hell out of myself. And it was OK. I managed just fine. I didn’t lose it. I didn’t get sick. I didn’t have anxiety attacks.

Actually, I feel energized.

Over the last few days, I took time to reflect on why I’m juggling so well this year, when in years past I’ve struggled. I’m still doing all the holiday planning and preparations myself. I’m still celebrating all of my kids’ birthdays. Still writing posts for space2live. Still working as a personal/relationship coach. Still running a household.

In fact, I’ve added new projects and people to my calendar and life. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I now work as a substitute paraprofessional in the local school system. I’ve also been active within my spiritual community, including participating in the holiday play. I took two trips in November, created a proposal and negotiated a contract with a publisher to write a book. I even managed to squeeze in a meaningful relationship with a special man.

Normally, all of that activity would have overwhelmed me, but the sense of purpose and meaningful relationships woven into the above, give me the desire and energy to keep going. Having actual deadlines and little wiggle room also helps.

Understanding and perspective provide that meaningful boost

I can’t tell you how much insight and understanding revitalize me. Which is why I love reading. Reading is really a search for resonance, knowledge or ideas. Reading feeds my curiosity, as do places and people. In a way, I create relationships with books, places and people. I create lasting ties through memories, deep experiencing and connection. I let it all affect me because it provides peak understanding and perspective.affected by it all

Understanding and perspective light me up. They give my life meaning and perpetually affect me. The openness to truly understand another’s viewpoint leaves me vulnerable at times. I can be influenced. But the same openness often leads to the ability to influence others. Not in a domineering way but in a two-way, win/win way.

Win/win is so satisfying. For everyone.

Meaningful work doesn’t feel like work

All of my work — writing, coaching, working as a paraprofessional — helps others while it helps me. Each position gives me the opportunity to use my inner world thoughts in the outer world. All of the thinking, learning and resolving I do in my head, gets applied to real world relationships. My careers are an outlet for my passion.

What makes these relationships different?

All of my relationships — family, friends, co-workers, intimate — are training grounds and growth catalysts. My mind naturally focuses on relationships. They are the puzzles I can’t stop solving, nor do I want to.

My children challenge me to understand different personalities and exercise patience. They teach me about unconditional love and its importance. The intuitive and compassionate people in my spiritual community feed my soul. They offer support. They remind me of my true self. The relationships I have with other writers, teachers and coaches show me how to collaborate, how to learn from others on similar missions. My intimate relationships are a mix of support, challenge and joy. They’re an opportunity for emotional safety and physical intimacy, both registering as highly meaningful to my happiness.

I’ve had many relationships in the past. Currently, my relationships have a high degree of alignment with my values and inner world. There is safety, comfort and support in that. I believe that is the difference. That is why I am energized and not depleted by all the connections.

INFP to INFJ

In the past, I have assessed as an INFP (introverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiver) in the Myers Briggs Type Inventory. INFPs sometimes struggle with motivation, until they find their cause, career or meaningful work. Isabel Briggs Myers was an INFP herself. Her (and her mother’s) tireless research and work in the field of personality theory led to the development of the Myers Briggs inventory.

INFPs are also known to have a ‘take things as they come’ attitude when it comes to schedules. They like to keep options open and plans conditional depending on what circumstances arise. They tend to get energized right before a deadline.

I have been known to gather and gather data before taking action. Another trait of INFPs. The last six years have culminated in the creation of my personal development career. Now I have the meaningful work that drives me. I have lots of it. I have self and other – imposed deadlines. I’m working my ass off but loving it.

Maturity?

Author, Stephen Covey (7 Habits for Highly Effective People) said maturity is the balance between courage and consideration. It takes courage to assert your own perspective. It takes consideration to ask others theirs. I’m slowly learning how to create such balance.writer at typewriter windows

The steady progress and inclusion of other’s perspectives makes my Myers Briggs type now seem like an INFJ too. I’m focusing on task completion and harmony, as an INFJ would.

Perhaps I’m maturing. Whatever it is I’m enjoying the energy boost. I highly recommend meaningful work and deadlines for sensitive introverts.

What drives you? What does meaningful work look like for you? Are you immersed in safe supportive relationships? Do deadlines energize you? 

P.S. I set a 1:30PM deadline for finishing this post. Done at 1:28PM. Nailed it! 😉

 

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One Comment

  1. Loretta December 22, 2016 at 6:35 pm - Reply

    Another really encouraging post! I am just enjoying your posts so much, Brenda! Thank you again for sharing what you do. BTW, you’re negotiating a book contact??!!!! Congrats and please tell me when I can pre-order it!

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