It seems I’m most alive when I’m dancing on the fringe of a relationship, either almost disentangled or almost entangled. That space where I can taste freedom or I can taste enchantment is where I am creative, brave and generous. It’s where ideas flow and my smile is the most genuine.
You see, I have a delicious longing for freedom AND love and I can wait to find a mate who embodies both.
Trapped: Love Without Freedom
But inside me there was the sense of oppression that had almost the sense of a nightmare, that I was not free: that I must be with him, could not strike out, go where I pleased, but he would be there always, and I would have to listen to him and could never act as one, alone and debonair.
I’ve felt trapped in relationships. I’ve felt like the sky’s the limit in others. The especially trappy relationships were with individuals who had not found their own light. They were looking for it in me. There are times when one lover leans on the other for support and inspiration. This is expected, but not the definition of love. To me, true love is two people coming together with their own sufficient lights and using those lights to illuminate relationships (theirs and others), passions and experiences.
Freedom fuels me. As an introvert, I am highly conscious of my energy. I sense when it is waning due to too many individuals drawing from my attention pool.
Introverts love specifically and individually according to Nancy Okerlund’s Introvert Energizer newsletter. Our energy is easily tapped out by socializing. We give deep listening and mental energy to the people in our lives. If we are not filled up (with ideas, meaning, creativity) simultaneously as we give, then we crave freedom and space. We feel drained. Time alone to be debonair or simply recharge is vital. Introverts are not afraid of solitude.
As mentioned in, Introvert Relationships: Love Me or Leave Me but Please Don’t Need Me (Too Much), many introverts want and have great relationships, but most of us prefer no relationship to an unfulfilling one.
Sorry I’m Not Available. I’m Committed to Myself.
…coming out means taking responsibility for your own happiness and recognizing that no other person will hold the key to all your future joy. It’s the opposite of debutante-style coming out. Instead of announcing yourself as available to everyone, you announce that you are committed to yourself and available to individuals of your choosing. ~Sasha Cagen, Quirkyalone
Committed to myself and individuals of my choosing. This is where I am now. I have a strong sense of independence. I have dreams to spearhead and love to release judiciously and meaningfully. I know others cannot make me happy. I cannot complete them either. Completion is personal. It comes from finding your gift and giving it to others. It originates within you and flows outwardly to others. It has to flow outwardly. It cannot be taken or you will be depleted.
Is it possible to be alive and thrive within couplehood?
I am a sensual romantic who believes in the miracle relationship. The one where the universe conspires and collides as two people unite through faceted, breathtaking conversations, sensuous physical chemistry and a desire to benefit the world. The kind of relationship where meaning and passions are discovered and encouraged.
I’m realistic. I know everyday work and struggles are going to challenge the relationship but I also believe two awake individuals won’t pull each other down with need. Senses on fire, they will stand side by side, shoulder to shoulder — gazing at the horizon rather than looking solely at each other for comfort and happiness.
When I fall in love, truly, if I’m lucky enough to do so, that love will help me, and I will help her, to face outward, not merely inward. ~ Waylon Lewis, elephant journal
What I desire is a partner in spaciousness and until I find him, I’m content alone.
Are you content on your own? Do you hold out for extraordinary in a relationship? Does your partner need you or give you wings?
If you loved My Introvert Creed then you may also enjoy:
Love is Selfish (elephant journal)