Stay connected

Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts.

Testimonials

During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…
J.K.
You’re so honest in your writing. It’s bold. It’s frank. It’s wonderful. I could definitely see the work you are doing here as a useful book. It could save/make a lot of relationships! — Jimmi Langemo
Jimmi Langemo
Your words are my lifeline.  I sit down to your posts and as I read I can feel my acceptance of myself and my needs grow.  Your words validate my feelings about my life, motherhood, relationships and it is something I hold onto.  And during the times when I feel like I am not able to be a mother or a wife or a sister or a friend or whatever someone needs me to be, I go back to your words and find some peace…I send your posts to my husband when I need him to understand that I love him but I need …
D.R.
Because of your blog, I know that it is possible for me to have the love that I want one day and that I don’t have to be alone.  — Indepthwoman  on space2live
Indepthwoman
This is me. This is me from the day I was born. For so long I felt misunderstood and rejected, even by the people closest to me, because they could never understand my need for solitude, and I had no idea how to explain it to them. Even now that I know more about Introversion and have a more informed understanding of my hard-wired need for solitude, it’s still very difficult sometimes to help my loved ones understand this profound craving for time and space all to myself. This is one of the best…
Sharon
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…
Niko
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…
Gary
THANK YOU….. you just summed up my swirling thoughts into something i can read with out everything else in my head meshing with it. I finally feel like i can explain what happens within without getting distracted. I’m an Introvert with ADD and it makes it so hard to explain quite what im feeling sometimes. — M.G. on space2live
M.G.

Join us on Facebook

More Than a Mom-Droid:Letting Children See Your Soul

It’s important to me that my kids realize I am a woman with depth and not just a Mom-droid. I do my best to remind them of my humanity by weaving stories of my childhood with their present-day preoccupations. I’ve told them how I once lived and dreamed all on my own in Chicago. They’ve seen me fall apart when I’ve had too many days without me time. Yet, there are days when I feel insignificant because they look at me and see an automaton with spending abilities, cooking skills and a driver’s license.

Conversely, I study their psyches and souls with intensity. I constantly puzzle over and decipher their emotions. I am invested in the well-being of my children. I believe in the power of meaningful parent/child relationships. I believe they are built on a mutual honoring of our spirits and steadfast championing rather than schedule maintenance, homework policing and suburban schlepping.

Moms Are People Too

Moms are women in the midst of self-actualizing. It is incredible easy to become immersed in the lives of our children. Moms disappear every day.  It doesn’t have to be that way.

How to Show Your Soul

Chase your calling:  Don’t be afraid to say your dreams out loud. It’s a lesson in self-care for them to see you creating space for your beloved activities. Let them catch you investing blood, sweat and tears in something you can’t not do.  I’m not suggesting neglect.  I’m suggesting living with a  bright and full heart in front of your kids.  Share a sense of autonomy and fulfillment with your children.

Express Awe: It’s healthy for children to hear you sigh over something that takes your breath away. Let them in on your moments of grace, flow, heaven. Spend slow un-rushed time in nature. Tell them at bedtime what made you light up that day.  Don’t feel compelled to say something they did. You are a separate being.

Comfort your children but move them spiritually as well. Show them awe, curiosity and wonder.

Tell Stories: Nothing creates solidarity and empathy like personal stories.  My kids love hearing about how (poorly) I handled peer pressure as a girl in school. How my first kiss came to be.  What I did at my grandparents’ house in the summer.

I read blog posts from other writers to my children if they move me and I feel their stories are compelling and offer a worthwhile message. Some of their themes- Be different, not better. Creating because you love the work, not the result. Failing is part of success. Sometimes the kids’ attention drifts, and that’s OK.  I know I am asking for grown-up concentration.  I also know seeds planted, bloom later.

Be Vulnerable: It’s true kids need structure and a sense that they can depend on you, but an efficient machine is hard to warm up to.  Let down your guard. Admit mistakes.  A friend’s therapist told her that people with perfect parents are the ones she worries about the most.  They will never be able to live up to those standards. I lean toward the fallible side. My kids have seen me nervous, anxious, embarrassed and at the end of my rope. I am not proud of this.  Like most people, I’d rather present myself as strong and capable but my soft center oozes out occasionally.

Benefits of Being Soulful

Empathy: In Born for Love, neuroscientist and child psychiatrist, Bruce Perry, argues that fostering empathy can combat the negative influences of modern life.  We have learned to close ourselves off from the world with technology and busy-ness.   Spending time with open hearts and minds can re-generate bonds that enhance resonance, universal meaning, love.

I want my kids to cherish relationships and respect others. I want them to see me as a being with feelings. How can they see anyone else’s soul if they’ve only seen their mother speed through life with a taskmaster’s mentality and a status-quo blueprint for life?

Natural/Unique Thinking: It’s easy to follow the mechanical parenting herd. Just keep checking off tasks. But going beyond and deeper than what the book or your neighbor says, gives kids a beautiful, almost secret,view of living. Possibilities abound. Sharing and honesty transfers to education. Learning becomes a natural, insightful way of relating to subjects. Thoughtful questions lead to understanding beyond book material. There’s a freedom and safety in knowing others exist on a deeper level. It makes it OK to explore and express as an individual.

Awakening: By revealing my humanity to my children I believe they will have an easier time discovering and honoring their own souls. Good and bad feelings of the heart will guide them rather than robotic reflexes.

Do you feel like you are living mechanically?  How open are you with your kids?  What messages are you sending them?  

About the Author:

8 Comments

  1. Miriam February 19, 2014 at 5:05 pm - Reply

    I just spent 2 hours bingeing on your blog. Wow! Great writing and great insight on introversion. I will definitely be sharing this blog with others, introverts and extroverts alike. I especially think people in my life would gain a better sense of who I am just by reading your work. You have gained a dedicated reader by your honest and genuine reflection on the soul of an introvert. Much love…

    • Brenda Knowles February 19, 2014 at 9:51 pm - Reply

      Oh yay!! Thank you for reading, commenting and your kind words. I’m glad space2live hit home with you.

  2. Laura September 25, 2013 at 10:53 am - Reply

    beautiful…loved this post…I try each day to let my kids see the real me, and to be sure I see the “real” them too. As you said about planting seeds and the blooms will follow later…my teenagers have come through the not wanting to see me as human years ( so they can have their way with me and not feel too guilty? ) and I am starting to see the “bud opening” now….I will keep fertilizing for the full blossom one day!!! ( =

    • Brenda Knowles September 25, 2013 at 11:56 am - Reply

      You are so right about seeing your children as the ‘real’ them as well. I know my expectations can be high but I sure do love when they share glimpses of their inner world with me.
      I am now contemplating whether or not my teenage son chooses to not see me as human in order to make it easier to use me for his benefit. I never thought of that. He may just need to distance from me in order to feel independent but you may have a point too.
      It sounds like there is hope for a full bloom at the end of all the planting and nurturing. You sound like an amazing mom.
      Thanks, as always, Laura (one of my favorite names btw) for a thoughtful comment.

  3. The Silver Poet April 13, 2012 at 10:24 pm - Reply

    really good read, thanks

    • brennagee April 13, 2012 at 10:44 pm - Reply

      Thank you for enjoying and commenting. I so enjoy your work.

  4. lindaknowles March 31, 2012 at 1:06 pm - Reply

    You nicely echo the necessity and tenderness of parent-child rapport in William Inge’s play “The Dark at the Top of the Stairs; Paul Zindel’s “The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man in the Moon Marigolds”; and of course the landmark “The Glass Managerie” by Tennessee Williams. Your children are fortunate because you want to connect with them body and soul and not just play the part of mom. Share your literary heart with them like you do with us, you’re giving them a legacy. Three cheers for you. Bill

    • brennagee March 31, 2012 at 5:43 pm - Reply

      Sometimes it seems the kids would like me to just be a mom-bot. Doing things and spending money. It’s not easy to get them to appreciate a deeper kind of love. I’d like to blame technology and society – that would be easy. I’ll just keep believing that someday they’ll understand and appreciate my style. Thanks for your comment.:)

Leave a Reply

Stay Connected
Sign up for updates now and receive a FREE guide for setting boundaries![icon name="heart-o" class="" unprefixed_class=""]
We respect your privacy.
%d bloggers like this: