As we lay together, our bodies swimming in dopamine and light, he said,
Passion’s different, in response to my rundown of future availability.
What did he mean? He meant you can’t make passion fit into a schedule or go away. He likened it to a sled ride. You get on and fly down the hill.
I blinked and for the first time felt that truth. It felt wrong to corral electricity and flushed skin into time slots on my phone calendar.
I’d always loved based on caring, mutual fascination and future plans, but
passion is different.
Tell Me About Passion…
Passion is chemical pixie lust. It’s a pheromone cocktail drunk by two individuals with no tolerance for its power. You lose control. It’s scary as hell and absofreaking delicious. Scary because you could lose the source of this passion. Delicious because it’s raw and natural and you must taste it.
Every sense is ignited.
If you are lucky you find yourself gasping from vulnerability and fearlessness. Experiencing it because you can’t not. Riding waves of peak fervor and intimate rest. Never wanting the feeling to end and at the same time begging for merciful release. There is also the knowing that if you never feel it again you experienced something beyond yourself that will linger and sustain you.
Why It Eludes
How had I lived without this feeling for so long? Could this be what I had namelessly been looking for all along? Succumbing to innate desire is freeing and effortless and umm mouth-watering hot.
Yet, it eluded me for years. I’d sipped drips of it from dramatic films, provocative music and erotic writing. I’d lived vicariously through sensual friends. I knew I wanted to be close to it; tremor within and without it, but always chose safety instead. I held back if things moved too fast or I felt out of control. I logically designed the romance I experienced. My sled had an airbag and an ejector seat.
I’d always put security first. Passion was fringe and out of control. How does one naturally give up the reins? I figured it required one helluva sexy mystical lover to turn off my brain and turn on involuntary heat.
I was right. In my case, it required a partner equally sensitive and sensual and even more free in body and spirit. No inhibiting hangups, no need for constant reassurance or compulsions to color within the lines. They also needed to be patient with my occasional inhibiting hangups, requests for reassurance and compulsion to follow the blueprint. I needed to be shown that those things are keeping me from a freedom and pleasure I have never known.
Passion or Dedication?
A question posed on an online dating site reads: Which is more important in a relationship, passion or dedication?
Both equally important is not an option (darn it). When I answered this question I tried to go with my knee-jerk reaction. What popped into my mind first was, passion. Perhaps because I had had dedication in past relationships and it wasn’t enough I simply chose the new, personally novel option.
Old:dedication. Now: passion.
But is it really the more important component? Safety conscious me wants to say dedication is the more important quality. It demonstrates integrity. But passion isn’t about playing it safe or doing the proper thing. Passion’s different.
Is passion long-term or fleeting? At this point I can’t answer that, but in the true spirit of passion I ask, Who cares? Jump on the sled.
Recall a time when passion took over. I bet you smile. Do you let yourself lose control? If no, just for a day let go of the reins.
**Introverts and Passion
As an introvert, I prefer no relationship to a bad one. If I am going to put myself out for a relationship it must have potential gloriousness in order for me to devote significant energy to it. Energy is precious to an introvert. Passion is energizing and glorious. Not that I won’t want downtime to revel in it afterwards. I will. But I will also want there to be more.
Before I get comments about using precaution and minding my reputation… I’m not advocating careless sex or promiscuity. I’m advocating feeling uninhibited with someone you trust.