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I met Brenda and took the MBTI… I had a fairly good understanding of these types before the meeting but was impressed by the depth of knowledge that Brenda shared with me. She clearly has a passion for this work and a gift in imparting the information. There have been doors opened for me because of our talks… — Alan Hintermeister
Alan Hintermeister
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
C.M.
Your words are my lifeline.  I sit down to your posts and as I read I can feel my acceptance of myself and my needs grow.  Your words validate my feelings about my life, motherhood, relationships and it is something I hold onto.  And during the times when I feel like I am not able to be a mother or a wife or a sister or a friend or whatever someone needs me to be, I go back to your words and find some peace…I send your posts to my husband when I need him to understand that I love him but I need …
D.R.
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…
Gary
Because of your blog, I know that it is possible for me to have the love that I want one day and that I don’t have to be alone.  — Indepthwoman  on space2live
Indepthwoman
During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…
Niko
THANK YOU….. you just summed up my swirling thoughts into something i can read with out everything else in my head meshing with it. I finally feel like i can explain what happens within without getting distracted. I’m an Introvert with ADD and it makes it so hard to explain quite what im feeling sometimes. — M.G. on space2live
M.G.
your depth of understanding, and talent at sharing it amaze me. Speechless… and for your sharing of it.. Thank you… deeply. *sigh, its like coming back into my body through acceptance….. Sherrie on space2live
Sherrie
BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
Megan

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In Love With Possibilities, Beholden to Reality

daydreaming-girl

I am an introverted Pisces dreamer big-picture kind of woman. I could while away hours daydreaming about traveling in foreign lands, meeting a beguiling stranger on a midnight train, writing a bestseller and championing lost souls.

I am most content when I am available to possibilities.

Possibilities in Love

Deeply Single: A state of perceiving the benefits of aloneness and being single — of traveling, going to movies alone, feeling full of possibility. ~ Sasha Cagen, Quirkyalone

I volley back and forth between feeling self-directed and creatively independent and yearning for the ideal mate who shares my reveries and reaches for me in the night.

As I wrote in My Introverted Love Creed: If We Can’t be Magnificent and Independent Together, I’m OK Alone, I am fine by myself, even prefer it sometimes for its solitude and reflective properties. I often feel most alive and genuine when enveloped in solitude. It is the space where I can make sense of all that befalls and has befallen me.  In that time of slowed activity and enriched mind, lessons are realized, imagination seeps in and possibilities dance with dreams.

Eventually, I find myself feeling full and content and want to share experiences with a partner.

Online dating blows my mind.  Too many possibilities. I sign onto a dating service and inevitably find both mis-fits and magnificents.  I enjoy the variety and options but it’s difficult for me to date casually for long. I get dating fatigue.  Too much correspondence and energy zinging out through my Macbook and iPhone.  I want the realness of an intimate relationship – the ability to love individually and expansively.

I am addicted to human connection of the deepest kind.  Physical, mental and spiritual connection. I love it all.  Touch me sensually, engage my mind and stir my soul.  I will open to you in the most natural and generous ways.  I will want to live in that realm indefinitely but reality always butts in. Energy levels will require me to recharge alone. My children will need more loving attention. I will pull back so as not to get lost in you.  I will meet someone new with different possibilities.

Still there is the possibility of true love. Two individuals coming together with their own lights within, not needing the other for happiness but wanting the magnified glow of two hearts and bodies. Sigh.

Possibilities in Becoming

At this place in my life I have choices.  Who do I want to be? Where do I want to go? What do I want to dedicate myself to? How can I do the most good?

My children are my companions on this ride so their needs and enrichment are guideposts along the trek.  Even with their needs in mind, there are numerous possibilities for my trajectory.

I dream of putting a book together that comforts others and makes their existence lighter and sexier.  I have lofty thoughts of going back to school and obtaining a masters in counseling – so I can do more than listen to people and write to their feelings.  I want to actually help them feel good and whole on their own.

It’s so easy for me to imagine these outcomes but so difficult for me to take all the steps and do all the work necessary to achieve them.  I am daunted.  I am overwhelmed.  Many days I feel like I use all my energy to raise my children and manage household tasks.  I admire those industrious spirits who network effortlessly and continuously.  I don’t know how some people raise children and then stay up until the wee hours of the morning working on side-projects like book writing or website development.  I’m not sure if it’s my temperament — introverted —that holds me back or just plain fear.  I’m not afraid of doing the tasks.  I’m afraid of becoming exhausted, brain-dead and crabby.

I know to take little steps. I am. I know to surround myself with passionate loving people. I do. I know to evolve it’s up to me to move forward and embrace the possibilities.

Are you always looking at the possibilities or are you content with what you have? Are you evolving or settling?

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17 Comments

  1. November March 20, 2014 at 9:18 am - Reply

    “I don’t know how some people raise children and then stay up until the wee hours of the morning working on side-projects like book writing or website development. I’m not sure if it’s my temperament — introverted —that holds me back or just plain fear. I’m not afraid of doing the tasks. I’m afraid of becoming exhausted, brain-dead and crabby.”

    This paragraph spoke to me because, as a single, child-less, (currently) pet-less female…..I struggle with this all the time. How come women with 5 kids, a fulltime job, a husband, a McMansion, pets, volunteer work, being a sports taxi, meals to cook, dance costumes to sew, etc. are able to find the time to do so much more than I have the time to do? And I constantly beat myself up for this because, obviously, if THEY have the time, *I* should have the time too. (You’re “guilty” of this, too. I read your blog and think “She can do it, why can’t I??”) AND these people have told me they actually find time to relax/be alone. My brain does not comprehend how this works.

    I’ve been “exhausted, brain-dead, and crabby” for going on 35 years now, so that’s not the problem, and it’s not my fear….it’s just how I am. I honestly think it’s my time-management skills. I feel that I’m highly organized and borderline OCD, but I guess I’m convinced that something’s just not clicking. Because, again, if THEY have the time, *I* should too. I’ve actually considered consulting a professional organizer, but I’m too ashamed. lol

    • Brenda Knowles March 21, 2014 at 12:16 pm - Reply

      I know I need large blocks of time to complete projects. If my day is all chopped up I get edgy. I hate interruptions. Some people don’t mind them as much and can barrel through a day full of tasks. I just think I’m not cut out for that. You’re not either. We have our own way. They have theirs. We all have gifts to offer. I do think more people are getting burned out from treadmill living. It’s not soul-deep fulfilling.
      Let’s you and I do what makes us happy.:)

  2. […] In Love With Possibilities, Beholden to Reality (space2live) […]

  3. Psyche Awoken March 31, 2013 at 11:47 am - Reply

    Another deeply moving post from you that has me surfing the universe inside my brain. Stopping and examining the areas of connection shared with you and others. I am evolving, most dramatically over the last seven months. You have beautifully expressed the deepest desire of evey human on the planet with your words.

    “I am addicted to human connection of the deepest kind. Physical, mental and spiritual connection. I love it all. Touch me sensually, engage my mind and stir my soul. I will open to you in the most natural and generous ways.”

    My take on love is it always involves a wounding. To fully feel the joy and connection you must also be vulnerable to the pain and disconnection. “To fall on the sword” is how I describe it. I too, have a subscription for an online dating site. It is so……tiresome. It’s not likely that this ENFJ will find a calm, quiet introverted male in this arena. I am not extraverted enough and they would naturally find the whole experience exhausting. I am taking small steps that may eventually bring to me the connection you describe. That is all I can do. Letting go of the wanting (suffering) is now the task before me.

    Thank you for the compassion you show yourself and others.

    • brennagee April 1, 2013 at 8:24 am - Reply

      It seems many think introverts don’t like people. The truth is we like people we just want deep connection more than constant connection. Sometimes deep connection to ourselves is enough.

      Online dating is interesting. A few months ago I would have agreed with you that it is hard to find a quiet introverted man through an online dating service but in the last month I have met two. Sure, they are busy, outwardly gregarious men but their true selves are solitude-craving and introspective. I think many men believe they have to play the outgoing/extroverted game (like we all do). If you give them permission to be quiet and thoughtful, they may surprise you. At least, that has been my experience.:)

      Vulnerability has been the buzzword lately with my dates. I agree with what you said. We do have to be vulnerable and open to the pain in order to gain equal possibilities for joy and love. I am learning and trying to apply this new (to me) concept. I’m not rushing anything. It’s been good to take everything slowly lately.

      There will always be wanting/suffering. Letting go or simply observing it is so damn difficult 😉 but also liberating.

      Thank you for your honesty and thoughtful comments. I feel your ability to connect deeply.

  4. sheketechad March 16, 2013 at 9:18 pm - Reply

    As always, you are commenting/feeling similar things around the times I am; perhaps I just left that space or feel it coming on in the near future. You often write things that I’ve thought, but usually in a far better manner than I can even think it! This especially spoke to me: “It’s so easy for me to imagine these outcomes but so difficult for me to take all the steps and do all the work necessary to achieve them. I am daunted. I am overwhelmed. ”
    Being in a space where I am initiating closure on one aspect of my life and starting (again!) at square one, daunting appear the tasks at hand. Thank you for speaking your heart and mind so easily for others to view. Keep up the fantastic work, both internally and for us, externally!
    ~SE

    • brennagee March 17, 2013 at 1:53 pm - Reply

      Yes, I’m a big picture gal. I can envision the future but am paralyzed when thinking about the details of getting there. I wonder if I have enough energy. I’ve worked my way through a lot of things, so down deep I know I could do the work, especially if it’s something I am passionately drawn to, but still I worry. I bet you are the same way. Everything I’ve learned says to either leap and the net will appear or take tiny steps and they will accumulate until the work is accomplished. I’m better at taking tiny steps. Keep seeing the possibilities and move forward my friend. You must be strong because you keep starting anew. So many settle for OK, I don’t think you do.

  5. Ann March 16, 2013 at 2:01 pm - Reply

    i have read this post over and over and over. i am that extreme extrovert but i too can relate to…
    “I am addicted to human connection of the deepest kind. Physical, mental and spiritual connection. I love it all. Touch me sensually, engage my mind and stir my soul. I will open to you in the most natural and generous ways. I will want to live in that realm indefinitely but reality always butts in.”
    your writings stir my soul and mind to grow and stretch and accept the changes that have come to my world. If you wrote this, you feel it, and I feel it, then there must be men that feel it as well and want that deep connection. I will just keep looking and accept nothing but….
    thank you for yet again another MOVING writing. I would buy your book and pass out many copies, that i know for sure. You speak to me! Enjoy your weekend!

    • brennagee March 17, 2013 at 1:38 pm - Reply

      I know extroverts love to connect. I know there is a spectrum for all temperaments. I’m not surprised you crave deep connection. You have a loving openness about you. I know there are men who feel the same way about connecting on a soul- level. I have met a few.;) I think I’m still working on myself though. I’ve had a hard time going all in with a partner.

      I may tap you someday to pass out my books. Thanks for volunteering, made me feel sparkly.:)

      • Ann March 18, 2013 at 5:37 pm - Reply

        I would be HONORED to pass out YOUR books! You have a gift and a talent for writing. I truly believe that it is part of your greatness and purpose! Thank you for sharing it with the world! I am beyond blessed to have come across you and your sharing! Thank you!

        • brennagee March 19, 2013 at 2:28 pm - Reply

          Geez Ann, I’m blushing from your gushing.;) Thank you. So glad you stumbled upon my little blog. You’re a beautiful light, keep shining. I’m fortunate to know you.:)

  6. lindaknowles March 15, 2013 at 11:57 pm - Reply

    Your dreamy style reminds me of E. Dickinson and C. Bronte and C. Rossetti, nice Raphaelite snake charmers turning in for the night while the miserable masses fend for themselves. Fact is, poets like you can summon the power of wishful thinking, whereas your average mortal is imprisoned to unconscious drives in the search for that someone. Only a writer knows the truth of a fantasy; the miserable out there know otherwise. Yet love is all we got–that is, to share, to teach. You have found your intellect, and now you are preserving it like the best jam and spreading some of it to your followers. That is your religion; mine is literature, from which all bleswsings flow, says Whitman. You can’t put any reins on a relationshipor it will buck you. Buck back until you both surrender. Good night. Bill Ogle

    • brennagee March 16, 2013 at 12:15 pm - Reply

      I do think literature, writing and authors are my religion and my friends/mentors. I’ll keep seeing the possibilities. I’ll also do my best to keep free of reins and reining but I can’t say I won’t be seeking love. I still believe in it in the most profound way.
      Thanks for commenting Bill. Appreciate your insight.

  7. Doug Toft March 15, 2013 at 4:16 pm - Reply

    “I know to take little steps…. I know to surround myself with passionate loving people. ” That’s all there is to know. Any big outcome is just a lot of little steps added together. (See http://tinyhabits.com).

    I love your writing, too.

    • brennagee March 16, 2013 at 11:48 am - Reply

      I checked out the tiny habits link. I think I have had an epiphany, changed my context (or in the process) and am taking small steps. I should be golden!! He he. We’ll shall see. Thanks Doug.

  8. Dominique Santos March 15, 2013 at 3:20 pm - Reply

    Damn I love your writing! x

    • brennagee March 16, 2013 at 11:46 am - Reply

      Damn that made me feel good.:) Thanks Dominique.

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