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Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…
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Your words are my lifeline.  I sit down to your posts and as I read I can feel my acceptance of myself and my needs grow.  Your words validate my feelings about my life, motherhood, relationships and it is something I hold onto.  And during the times when I feel like I am not able to be a mother or a wife or a sister or a friend or whatever someone needs me to be, I go back to your words and find some peace…I send your posts to my husband when I need him to understand that I love him but I need …
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I met Brenda and took the MBTI… I had a fairly good understanding of these types before the meeting but was impressed by the depth of knowledge that Brenda shared with me. She clearly has a passion for this work and a gift in imparting the information. There have been doors opened for me because of our talks… — Alan Hintermeister
Alan Hintermeister
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…
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I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
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Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
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Megan
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…
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Guerin Moorman

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Depression Is a Seeking Disorder

Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy on Unsplash

I did a podcast interview yesterday with Mike Miller of Simple Self Mastery. The interview will be released in a few weeks but one of the questions Mike asked me, led to an answer I think is very important. I believe it can help us stay clear of depression.

Mike asked me what I do when I feel overwhelmed. My response was “I learn.” When I start to feel out of sorts, I pick up a book, listen to a podcast or I go online to read non-fiction. I seek knowledge, often about what is bothering me. Curiosity and its satisfaction, calm me.

Gathering resources

This makes sense. As humans, we have sought for thousands of years. We were hunters and gatherers seeking resources. We still must gather resources.

When depressed, we lack the motivation to gather resources, to look around, to be curious.

Estonian neuroscientist and psychobiologist, Dr. Jaak Panksepp, said depression is a seeking disorder. Panksepp theorized that seeking is one of the primal/survival systems, along with PLAY, PANIC/GRIEF, FEAR, RAGE, CARE and LUST (his capitalization). These emotional systems allow all animals to prepare for survival concerns automatically, without thinking.

What cancels out seeking?

Panksepp also said when you’re in the panic-grief modality, seeking is automatically cancelled out. Panic/grief emits a feeling of sadness and loneliness.

I can relate to this. When I’m deep in a state of overwhelm or sadness, I cannot focus. I just want to lie down and sleep. I shut down and stop listening to my curiosity. I don’t have the energy to follow it.

The key is to get into seeking mode before I get to shut down mode.

If my seeking system does not fire up, I lapse into a depressive state — lethargic, tired, blah, unmotivated and stuck.

Perhaps most intriguing of all is that the SEEKING-EXPECTANCY system might be at the core of healing, certainly Panksepp thinks it may be the system at the core of shifting depression. – Deirdre Fay, Psychotherapist

Where to start?

I have to get curious about what is making me upset. What old wounds surfaced? What core attachment needs of mine are not being met? My most familiar old wound is that of not being noticed and subsequently feeling alone, like I have to handle everything myself, including big emotions, difficult decisions and physical work.

I have to seek out the genesis of my unhappiness and find ways to quell it. Once I have an idea what the main issue is, I make it better by seeking information through learning. Sometimes I return to my old tried and true reference books — Wired for Love, The Highly Sensitive Person, Hold Me Tight, Running on Empty, to name a few. Other times I am off on a whole new search for answers. I look to my favorite podcasts, the stack of unread books I have on my shelf or my close friends/family.

On a higher level this SEEKING system is part of our need to make sense of the world, to understand, to make meaning of all that we struggle with.  In fact, Panksepp suggests that our systems are wired for the search more than the end result. — Deirdre Fay, Psychotherapist 

Another way to stimulate seeking

Panksepp said we can restore our seeking system with play. Play stimulates curiosity and seeking. It gives us a feeling of enthusiasm. During play animals and humans find safe ways to compete and create companionship. Social cooperation and boundaries around what we can do and cannot do develop during play. Much of our playtime involves social interaction.

Play ignites the pro-social programming of our higher brain, which moves us away from the reactive and protective lower/primitive brain.

By immersing ourselves in play (whatever our kind of play is), we activate joy and enthusiasm which kick-start our seeking system. When we seek we come back to our core system of engagement and curiosity. More importantly, we lift ourselves out of depression.

What does your seeking look like? Your playtime? What do you do when depression visits you? 

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6 Comments

  1. mariachristina nodarse September 12, 2018 at 10:31 am - Reply

    Yeap…apparantly while I was “seeking”, I, too, stumbled on to this site. Thank you Brenda! You’ve truly helped and the comments from other readers as well. Keep seeking!! And KNOW you are NOT alone.

    • Brenda Knowles September 12, 2018 at 12:07 pm - Reply

      Happy you stumbled upon brendaknowles.com! Welcome!

  2. Beatrice September 8, 2018 at 3:26 am - Reply

    I stumbled upon your blog, about a year ago, while in seeking mode. Seeking for answers. Why I feel like shutting down, why this or that impacted me so much, why am I slowly but surely slipping into… depression? I realize from this article that I intuitively switched to seeking mode and whenever I feel overwhelmed I do this – I try to find the root of my low state, the core wounds that exacerbate a present situation and make it feel unbearable. When deeply depressed I had only one choice to make – end everything or look for answers. Because of this I began to see behavioral patterns, I began to explain to myself why I feel or even react in a certain way in a particular situation, I began to understand better others’ behavior, see inner wounds and deep rooted fears that make a person react in a specific way. Due all of this I am even less judgemental than I was. I adjust my own reactions to people’s bad behavior, knowing that beyond it there are fears to overcome and/or wounds to heal. I subscribed to your blog because I was always seeking for answers. I want and need to understand. Thank you.

    • Brenda Knowles September 8, 2018 at 1:39 pm - Reply

      I’m glad you found space2live fellow seeker! It’s cool you’ve figured out some of your own behavioral patterns. Those patterns are the things we can change to make us feel better. It’s not easy breaking the patterns of reactions and actions that we have wired into our lives but awareness and shifts in relationships can change the wiring. Safe, secure relationships are one way to increase our confidence and give us courage to make changes. Sending you warmest wishes.

  3. Andrea September 7, 2018 at 11:56 pm - Reply

    Dear Brenda,
    It all makes sense. “The key is to get into seeking mode before I get to shut down mode” is something I’ll keep in mind. I’ve only read 2 of your posts in many months (even though they’re wonderful) because I’m in shut-down mode. I’ve forced myself to read those 2 posts (this one included) because I know, deep down, that they will help me. So, thank you for that.
    Blessings…

    • Brenda Knowles September 8, 2018 at 1:32 pm - Reply

      That’s all I can ask for – for my writing to resonate and help others. I hope you get some play time and find yourself in seeking mode soon Andrea. Just keep interacting with the outside world. Wishing you the best.

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